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I dont need weapons . I am the weapon

Comments

  • #2
    unreggd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,835 ✭✭✭unreggd


    I'm hopin the bargain is that they pay YOU to wear it


  • #3
    mikom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,391 ✭✭✭✭mikom


    The bargain is that someone will try and kick your hole within 2 hours of putting it on.


  • #4
    pah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,663 ✭✭✭pah


    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.


  • #5
    Kashkai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,399 ✭✭✭Kashkai


    Chuck Norris never wears a watch cause HE decides what time it is!


  • #6
    Batesy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,450 ✭✭✭Batesy


    Chuck Norris owns a resteraunt in Texas. The only thing on the menu is Knuckle Sandwiches.


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  • #7
    racso1975
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,273 ✭✭✭racso1975


    thanks op great t cant wait to get it


  • #8
    Skerries
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,706 ✭✭✭✭Skerries


    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves
    Untitled Image




  • #9
    Mimikyu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,961 ✭✭✭✭Mimikyu


    This post has been deleted.


  • #10
    Hank_Jones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,783 ✭✭✭Hank_Jones


    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.



    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.



    If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fcuk down.


  • #11
    Batesy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,450 ✭✭✭Batesy


    Chuck Norris can kick a fart back into an ass.


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  • #12
    pah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,663 ✭✭✭pah


    Lots of people wear Superman pyjamas.
    Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas


  • #13
    mad m
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,016 ✭✭✭mad m


    Chuck Norris was bitten by a Cobra snake, after two long painful days the Cobra died!!!


  • #14
    del88
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,136 ✭✭✭del88


    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris


  • #15
    Clareman
    Moderators, Sports Moderators, Regional Midwest Moderators Posts: 24,028 Mod ✭✭✭✭Clareman


    Chuck Norris doesn't do press ups, he pushes the earth down


  • #16
    Tallon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,565 ✭✭✭✭Tallon


    Chuck Norris can speak Brail


  • #17
    del88
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,136 ✭✭✭del88


    Chuck Norris can talk about Fight Club....


  • #18
    Batesy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,450 ✭✭✭Batesy


    Chuck Norris once inhaled a seagull.


  • #19
    shayser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,650 ✭✭✭shayser


    Chuck Norris just rang to say no t-shirt of his sells for only 6.99. If you've ordered, I'd cancel.


  • #20
    Dirk_digbee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 151 ✭✭Dirk_digbee


    Chuck Norris can divide by zero


  • #21
    paddydriver
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,087 ✭✭✭paddydriver


    cover_2.png

    Don't start me....:D

    Its on the book shelf!


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  • #22
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Chuck Norris wears ribbed condoms inside out.
    For his pleasure


  • #23
    muppetkiller
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,200 ✭✭✭muppetkiller


    When Chuck Norris's mother was pregnant with him ..she had a six-pack :D
    (my friend actually came up with that one)


  • #24
    mawk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭mawk


    chuck norris doesnt actually sleep. He waits.

    He also once visited the virgin islands. They just call them 'the islands' now.


  • #25
    Slugs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,282 ✭✭✭Slugs


    When Chuck Norris was asked who was greater, him or superman, he round house kicked the reporter, and afterwards laughed at his stupidity, for chuck norris has no weakness and laughs at superman's two, kryptonite and horses.


  • #26
    mikom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,391 ✭✭✭✭mikom


    Chuck Norris won an award today.
    Kanye West sat politely in his seat.


  • #27
    falan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,574 ✭✭✭falan


    Chuck norris would beat my dad in a fight and thats saying something:pac:


  • #28
    iMax
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,489 ✭✭✭iMax


    Chuck Norris didn't just turn 70.
    70 just turned Chuck Norris.


  • #29
    pah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,663 ✭✭✭pah


    In Google search for "find chuck norris" then click the "I'm feeling lucky" button.


  • #30
    Pdfile
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,115 ✭✭✭Pdfile


    chuck norris once got stabbed down a dark alleyway, the knife bleed to death


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  • #31
    Basq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,194 ✭✭✭✭Basq


    2006 called...






    .. they want their Chuck Norris quotes back! :rolleyes:


  • #32
    WIZE
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,597 ✭✭✭WIZE


    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one


  • #33
    mikom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,391 ✭✭✭✭mikom


    basquille wrote: »
    2006 called...






    .. they want their Chuck Norris quotes back! :rolleyes:

    Ahem..

    Chuck Norris won an award today.
    Kanye West sat politely in his seat.


  • #34
    Basq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,194 ✭✭✭✭Basq


    mikom wrote: »
    Ahem..
    Apologies.. let me correct that:

    2006 called...




    .. they want their fad back!


  • #35
    dionsiseire
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,182 ✭✭✭dionsiseire


    Chuck Norris has thrown out the Periodic Table of Elements

    The only Element Chuck Norris recognises is The element of Surprise


  • #36
    ShaunC
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 925 ✭✭✭ShaunC


    Chuck Norris jumped off a boat, he didnt get wet, the water got Chuck Norris'ed:D


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  • #37
    Tallon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,565 ✭✭✭✭Tallon


    Chuck Norris once posted a Bargain Alert before basquille


  • #38
    Yakuza
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,141 ✭✭✭Yakuza


    Chuck Norris doesn't need Bargain Alerts. He pays for everything by staring the shopkeeper down. If he buys online, he uses is credit card whose number is I'M_CHUCK_NORRIS (if you're Chuck Norris, that's a number) and the expiry date is blank. No bank would ever expire his card.


  • #39
    homer911
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,150 ✭✭✭homer911


    Thank you for brightening up my day!


  • #40
    Slydice
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,501 ✭✭✭✭Slydice


    Once, a user created a bargain alert thread involving Chuck Norris.

    He hasn't created a bargain alert thread since.


  • #41
    Keith C
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,121 ✭✭✭Keith C


    few of my faves

    Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

    Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.


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  • #42
    Keith C
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,121 ✭✭✭Keith C


    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs :D


  • #43
    Richard Dower
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 21,634 ✭✭✭✭Richard Dower


    Where are all these quotes coming from?


  • #44
    pah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,663 ✭✭✭pah


    MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.


  • #45
    whiterebel
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 15,109 Mod ✭✭✭✭whiterebel


    Richard Dower wrote: »
    Where are all these quotes coming from?


    The distant past.........


  • #46
    del88
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,136 ✭✭✭del88


    chuck norris has his own sub forum in boards.ie....
    If you find it you die (death by roundhouse kick)


    roundhouse_kick.jpg


  • #47
    falan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,574 ✭✭✭falan


    Facebook fanpage, the chuck norris facts:)

    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204804234&ref=ts


  • #48
    pah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,663 ✭✭✭pah


    Check them all out here

    http://www.historyaddict.com/chucknorrisisms.htm


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