Bipolar..

LegacyUser

Hi,

My new boyfriend told me the other day that he's bipolar. We've been really good friends for years before we got together and I suspected that he suffered from depression or something similar. He just told me in passing on a night out so we didn't really talk about it properly. It doesn't effect how I feel about him at all (ever since we've got together I've been so happy, nothing's ever felt so right - he's one of my best friends). I want to talk to him about it again, to learn more about it so that it's easier for us to deal with when he's having bad times etc. Should I ask him about it or wait for him to bring it up again? I study psychology so I know a bit about it but not from a personal angle at all... Also has anyone had experience of being in a relationship with somebody who is bipolar? If so, I'd love any advice on how you coped. I just want to be prepared and be there for him the best way i can be

pookie82

I'm not sure how severe his episodes are but if you do find yourself trying to cope with one or more long term then there are a few key things to remember - during periods of bad down swings he may become distant, lack motivation/sex drive, become numb, fall into irregular sleeping patterns or suffer from insomnia and become generally selfish (I don't mean in the "mean" way, but literally centred on himself). None of this will be your fault although it will be hard not to take it personally. During manic or "high" phases he may become incredibly excited about life/plans/dreams - he may even come up with some amazing life changing plans which he'll want to instigate with immediate effect, you may notice he spends more money or behaves recklessly, is overly affectionate and enthusiastic and doesn't sleep very well.

The best way to deal with all of this is to support him, let him know you're there for him, and try to encourage him to seek medical help if he has not gone down this road already. Don't allow it to take over you or who you are - if he becomes overly reliant on you for emotional support you'll need to draw a line. Partners of people who suffer with depression often find themselves taking an emotional back seat and this can be extremely draining in the long run - living day to day with an illness that isn't your own but which feels like it has as much of an impact on you as him, if that makes any sense.

Coming from someone who is in a 3 year plus relationship with someone who is bipolar, the most solid advice that I can give you is probably this: don't take any unnecessary crap from him, there's a difference between needing support and being utterly helpless and it's a line he may try to cross with you. Look after YOURSELF as much as you "look after" him, if he ever gets too much to handle, talk to someone, take time away from the situation, and most of all don't feel guilty if you decide you can't handle it - that won't make you a bad person.

I hope all of this doesn't sound awful or has put you off - that's not my intention and believe me, if you guys can work through the hard parts then it will be well worth it, and you'll be closer for it.

Best of luck.