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problem over mate ive lost touch with...

  • 12-03-2010 10:33am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hi guys,

    i have an issue here,im very stressed about it.

    Basically i was going out with a girl for nigh on 7 yrs,we broke up but during
    that time i became close mates with her friends bloke. I was in contact with him up until december last yr and still met him from time to time.

    i was meant to meet him over xmas for beers but didnt,since then he emailed me once but i never replied.no reason why i didnt reply other than i was lazy. i feel crap that i havent met up with him and to top it all off theyre getting married in july in portugal and i got an invite.

    long story short i have no holidays free this yr and while id love to go i have to figure out how to rsvp them that I cannot go...

    id prefer to meet up with him but dunno how to go about this as ive been so non communicative with the guy. he was trying to set up a website and he asked me to help him out but i never did manage to which is making matters worse for me.

    I was going through some personal stuff from december onwards (relationship related) which made me close up and focus on work and myself - i can be quite selfish and want to be alone when im feeling down - but now i feeling guilty and remorseful about this non contact.

    I genuinely feel like sh*t and kept saying god i must email him or text him but never did get around to it, theres no excuse for this but... here i am!

    Has anyone any advice on how to approach this with him. Marriage is a huge thing for him obviously and i can hardly belittle it with my own problems?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Give him a call.

    Friends always want to hear from friends.

    Regardless of what people have done and what I might bitch about them over, if they call then I'm happy.

    30 seconds of awkwardness is all you have to endure to get things back on track.

    "Hey John, look, sorry I haven't been in touch in ages...... had loads of stuff going on and just never got around to it. Listen, are you around for a pint this week. Great stuff.... see you then."

    I think you'll find that most people close themselves off when they're feeling down and that's acceptable - not something to beat yourself up about.

    Your problems are as valid as his marriage - they're just different things happening to different people.

    Explain it to him that you've been going through some stuff - opening up to a friend can be a great way to develop a friendship.

    And then tell him about the wedding. BTW - if it's in Portugal and on a weekend, it could be easy enough to get down there for the weekend, flying on the Friday evening and back out on the Sunday. Or, if your employers were decent, you could ask them for an unpaid day if you needed it.

    And if you can't go, he'll understand.

    Actually, the fact that he has invited you shows that the other stuff (not getting in touch etc) doesn't matter and that he'd love to see you.


  • #3
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    The longer you bury your head in the sand and ignore this the harder it will be to actually get in touch with him.

    Drop him an email NOW. It only takes 60 secs to even write a quick message. Personally I would apologise for not being in touch and explain that you've had a lot going on in your personal life,and that you were trying to sort this out. Just say you hope he's free to catch up over a pint sometime.


  • #4
    krudler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Email him now, tbh you could have done it in the same time it probably took you to write that post, friends lose contact with people sometimes, it happens, life gets in the way etc etc


  • #5
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    bleeelllle wrote: »
    30 seconds of awkwardness is all you have to endure to get things back on track.

    "Hey John, look, sorry I haven't been in touch in ages...... had loads of stuff going on and just never got around to it. Listen, are you around for a pint this week. Great stuff.... see you then."

    I think you'll find that most people close themselves off when they're feeling down and that's acceptable - not something to beat yourself up about..

    Spot on. He will be delighted to hear from you. Call him and make a definite arrangement to meet up for a few drinks and STICK to it.


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