Is It Normal To Be Like This?

LegacyUser

I'm 19. Female. Brought up extremely well, went to two of Dublin's best all girls schools. Got bullied really badly and ended up seeing a councillor for 3 years over it. I'm very shy and quiet and I much prefer my own company to others as I don't have trust in anyone. I know deep down I'm very unhappy but I dunno what to do about it.

The reason as to why I'm posting this is because ... well I'll try and keep it as brief as possible!

I only turned 19 yesterday and I've a lot on my mind. Basically, when I was in school I was one of the girls who was oblivious to sex and boys etc. And now I'm probably the most experienced! I've only just turned 19 and so far I've had a threesome once, I've had about 12 different sexual partners, I've caught chylmidia twice and I've met up with randomers on dating sites and ended up sleeping with them! I'm totally ashamed of myself! If my parents knew any of that they'd be absolutley gutted.

I guess I just want some sort of acceptance or confidence boost. The only thing is though, thinking about it, none of these guys wanted to be with me after. So if anything I'm more down about it now. I'm tired and fed up with everything! It's not even like I enjoy it, I'd love nothing more than a boyfriend, just someone I can trust and someone to look after me. I just seem to think I'll always be lonely.

cafecolour

You had a bit of a 'slut' phase (which plenty of folks do when they're young) you learned a few lessons, you're moving on, it'll be grand.

I've slept around far more than you though, and never gotten an STD. That indicates to me that you aren't practicing safe sex - which you always should be. It also implies that you've been an 'easy mark' for some player types that have slept around a lot. It had nothing to do with you - they never intended to be with you after.

So definitely work on your self-esteem, so you don't fall for everyone who gives you a bit of attention. And I'd take a look at the type of guy you're attracted to as well, to see if there's a pattern there.

kjl

It sounds to me like you have a sex addiction, this normally stems from some psychological incident in you past. You can probably get over it yourself, at least you are looking for advice and that's a good first step, but I would highly recommend that you make an appointment to see some sort of therapist. They will be able to help you work out the problems you are having.

What you have done for you age is ridiculous and shows no self respect, it's no achievement and it shows me that you have some very deep seeded insecurities that you need to to deal with.

I'm sorry if it I am being blunt, but this is a lot more serious than people will try to make out. You are still so young, how are you going to feel about yourself in ten years if you continue with this self destructive lifestyle? Guys are ruthless and can have sex with someone without any kind of emotional attachment to them. These men you have been with don't see you as a person, they see you as an object.

I wish you the best of luck with your journey.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

kjl wrote: »

It sounds to me like you have a sex addiction, this normally stems from some psychological incident in you past.

Jesus christ... The girl has had sex with 12 people, not 12 thousand... I cannot stand people who say things like this. Assumptions... I mean, the OP looks for advice and you call her a sex addict? Come on, seriously...

You can probably get over it yourself, at least you are looking for advice and that's a good first step, but I would highly recommend that you make an appointment to see some sort of therapist. They will be able to help you work out the problems you are having.

Once it's not a sex therapist...

What you have done for you age is ridiculous and shows no self respect, it's no achievement and it shows me that you have some very deep seeded insecurities that you need to to deal with.

Are you a psychologist or are you just plucking at straws? I don't think anybody has the ability to tell the OP that she has "some very deep seeded insecurities" from what she wrote.

I'm sorry if it I am being blunt, but this is a lot more serious than people will try to make out.

I think you are blowing this way out of proportion.

You are still so young, how are you going to feel about yourself in ten years if you continue with this self destructive lifestyle? Guys are ruthless and can have sex with someone without any kind of emotional attachment to them. These men you have been with don't see you as a person, they see you as an object.

I wish you the best of luck with your journey.

Why exactly should the op feel bad about her self now or in 10 years time? Self destructive lifestyle? :eek: She has had 12 partners...



OP... You are young. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. The only think I would suggest is for you to practice safe sex. Use a condom especially if it is a one night stand. Think of the consequences, pregnancy, hiv etc etc. Why do you have one night stands if you do not enjoy sex that much?

If you do enjoy sex though, do not let the conservative views of the older generation alter your view of sex. It's not a taboo subject anymore, at least not with our generation. I know plenty of men and women who have one night stands, sleep around etc etc. Nothing wrong with it. It is not "slutty" either. Contrary to what some may believe. If anything that term is extremely ignorant and sexist.


If you want to find yourself a boyfriend though, don't have sex with your date too soon. Men can have less respect for you because of this. Why? I do not know. Maybe if you start dating somebody, you can abstain from sex for a while? It could mean more for the both of you when the time is right. While the times are more liberal now, some men still have that old mentality that if you have sex on the first night, they may simply have less respect for you.

Talk to your councillor about it? See what they suggest? Your parents don't need to know, so keep it that way Best of luck.

Cheap Thrills!

kjl wrote: »

It sounds to me like you have a sex addiction, this normally stems from some psychological incident in you past. You can probably get over it yourself, at least you are looking for advice and that's a good first step, but I would highly recommend that you make an appointment to see some sort of therapist. They will be able to help you work out the problems you are having.

What you have done for you age is ridiculous and shows no self respect, it's no achievement and it shows me that you have some very deep seeded insecurities that you need to to deal with.

I'm sorry if it I am being blunt, but this is a lot more serious than people will try to make out. You are still so young, how are you going to feel about yourself in ten years if you continue with this self destructive lifestyle? Guys are ruthless and can have sex with someone without any kind of emotional attachment to them. These men you have been with don't see you as a person, they see you as an object.

I wish you the best of luck with your journey.

OP please ignore this UTTER BUNKUM. You have not got a a sex addiction.

OP, You are PERFECTLY NORMAL.

It does not matter how many people you sleep with but you must only do it if it makes you happy. You tried it and found it didn't.

Many, many people do what you have done. They are lonely and pine for love and acceptance and end up sleeping with potentials too early just through sheer need for closeness. That is the human condition, it is so common.

Now unfortunately society is constructed in such a way that you will have to learn to play a lot of silly convoluted games such as refraining from sleeping with someone when you want to lest you should be judged by the thundering moralists who frighteningly turn out to be the same young men that would bed you in a heartbeat.....:rolleyes:

A real man would not be in any way threatened by a woman who has explored her sexuality. I can tell you that from experience.

The only thing you need to worry about is that the things you have done have not made you happy. THAT IS THE ONLY REASON TO CHANGE. Not because of Neandearthals who think women should all dangle their sexual favours in exchange for whatever is currently considered respectable,

There is nothing wrong with you OP.

Taltos

I know everyone is on kjl's case - however kjl may have a point.
Basically - why do something repeatedly that does not make you happy or add to your pleasure?
Maybe that is what kjl was looking at- it could be as simple as the OP looking for acceptance / closeness that she missed while in school. Or it could be more than that. So - maybe not a sex addiction in the normal sense - but when you put yourself in potential danger (2 std's here all....) then you really have to ask - when is enough enough - when are you going to step back and really say - hold on, I'm not happy with what I am doing - time to change it...

OP - agree with one of the earlier posts. If you are looking for a boyfriend - then putting out on the first date or early in the relationship is not a great way to let them know you are serious. Also - when you get to that point - don't discuss your sexual past. Personally I am a jealous guy (read insecure) - I will admit that if my OH admitted to this past then I do not think I could get past that - not her issue - all mine, but at the same time that would be it for me.

Have fun - but play safe...

stephen_n

OP if you are still in counseling then this is stuff that you need to deal with in that environment as it will probably prove to be helpful to you in many ways. Don't beat yourself up, your just doing what many teenagers do in different ways, yours just happens to be sex. The only thing you should really worry about is the risk of STi's that this behaviour is bringing. Your young and the bullying has clearly knocked your self esteem, so deal with that, find a way to rebuild that and the sex thing won't be a problem for you it will sort itself out!

neuro-praxis

Of course, it's not always the case, but promiscuity can be very emotionally damaging, especially to women. (I know people may be outraged by this comment, but let's face it, most of us have a friend that we feel concerned for who regularly sleeps with strangers and yet is very unhappy with it).

OP, you say yourself that this isn't what you want - you want a man who will care for you and love you, as you deserve. It sounds like perhaps you use sex to reassure you that you are attractive and desirable. This is a risky strategy, as you've found out by contracting illnesses. Please practice safer sex in future: the last thing you need is to become pregnant, or contract a potentially fatal or highly destructive sexual infection.

So stop with the one night stands. You don't enjoy it. When you meet a man you like, take your time getting to know him before hopping into bed. Chances are you are attracting men who are not interested in a relationship, and they are presuming the same of you.

Continue with counselling and learning to like yourself and accept your past. And please be safe and take care of yourself. Good luck. x

LegacyUser

kjl wrote: »

It sounds to me like you have a sex addiction, this normally stems from some psychological incident in you past.

What you have done for you age is ridiculous and shows no self respect, it's no achievement and it shows me that you have some very deep seeded insecurities that you need to to deal with.

Ok, I can guarantee you I don't have a sex addiction. And I don't consider it ridiculous either tbh but I would have considered it "slutty" until I read through these posts saying it's all double standards etc.

Santos Spicy Owl wrote: »

Why do you have one night stands if you do not enjoy sex that much?

If you want to find yourself a boyfriend though, don't have sex with your date too soon. Men can have less respect for you because of this. Why? I do not know. Maybe if you start dating somebody, you can abstain from sex for a while? It could mean more for the both of you when the time is right. While the times are more liberal now, some men still have that old mentality that if you have sex on the first night, they may simply have less respect for you.

Well firstly in order to answer that question can I just say "I DO enjoy sex!". Sorry if I said otherwise it was probably spur of the moment as I was ffeling so down! The only thing I will say is that I ENJOY IT MORE with people I actually know and care about i.e. not someone I've just drunkenly met!

I was with my ex for only 3 months and I've had boyfriends before that but I've never loved any of them but this guy I really fell for big time! He was 25 and I was 18 at the time and he broke things off with me because I was "too young for him". We text every now and again and all is cool but I really would love to get back with him but I don't wanna give him the ego boost, just want to play things cool with him if you know what I mean

He said to me when we broke things off, "live your life a bit, you're too young for boys anyways" and it's actually since then that I've gone off the rails. I've done stuff I would never have considered doing since he said that - I.e. Coke, joints, threesomes etc. I just seem to have no limits anymore but I've actually grown to think this is all OK. And I don't know if it is or not? I just keep telling myself - "everything in moderation"..

Thanks everyone for your replies - means a lot

kjl

Right, some people think I'm over reacting.

The girl has had a threesome and meets randomers on the web for sex and has caught an STI twice. If you people think this is normal behaviour for a 19 year old, then I dont know what to think. Simply put this is slut behaviour.

Fine, maybe she doesn't have a sex addiction, but she is using sex and an outlet for some other issue she has, most likely the bullying thing.

OP just watch out is all I'm saying, men take advantage of girls like you.

dan_d

Kjl - I hate to say it but I kind of agree. OP, you definitely don't have a sex addiction.But "living your life a bit" is not another way of saying "go sleep with everyone you think is interested".

From your rough timeline you seem to have managed everything listed in your first post in less than a year. Or 6 months?? Correct me if I'm wrong. Does the same apply to the STI's??

Firstly OP, you've got to be more careful. You'll either end up pregnant or with something worse than an STI - aids or HIV, worse case scenario. And people can sneer at that as being uncool and ridiculous, but it's the truth. Meeting strangers on the internet - well, fine, but be careful for God's sake. You're 19. You're not actually invincible.

Your 25 year old boyfriend was right - he had the right attitude. I know you don't want to hear it, but maybe you should just do your best to forget about him. I was 17, going out with a 22 year old, and he broke up with me after 4 months for the same reason. I was devastated, but looking back (I'm 27), he was right. You still have to much to experience.

My own personal opinion is that no, this is not normal behaviour. I know society nowadays dictates that the idea that you might have loads of partners, and sex with whoever you want is right and anything else is old-fashioned and stupid...but again, my opinion is that to that extent it's not that normal at your age. You say none of the men are interested in you afterwards - that should tell you everything. Men do take advantage of girls who behave like that. You end up with a reputation that you'll find very hard to lose.

Look OP, you're obviously not entirely comfortable with what you see looking in the mirror everyday. You need to work on your self - confidence, because you're obviously searching for something that you feel you can't find. Maybe consider going back to your counsellor.Or even A counsellor.
Everything in moderation....does not apply to coke.Ever. That's one that will become a "moderate" addiction.You need to sit down and take a long hard look at your life, because (after thinking about it further!), your behaviour is not normal at the age of 19, and you're only going to end up doing yourself harm. I'm sure I'm old-fashioned, and stupid, and how dare I, but at the end of the day, you've got to have some common sense about these things. Having a couple of partners is one thing - having sex with randomers off the internet, doing coke and joints, and having threesomes, while telling yourself it's okay because it's "in moderation"....that's a whole other thing. You will find someone who is into you as a person - you are only 19.You can, however, enjoy yourself, and live a little, without putting your health at risk.

Best of luck with it, and I hope you sit back and take a look at what you're at. At least you've realised that you may have a problem, and you're definitely not past helping!

Taltos

kjl wrote: »

Right, some people think I'm over reacting.

The girl has had a threesome and meets randomers on the web for sex and has caught an STI twice. If you people think this is normal behaviour for a 19 year old, then I dont know what to think. Simply put this is slut behaviour.

Fine, maybe she doesn't have a sex addiction, but she is using sex and an outlet for some other issue she has, most likely the bullying thing.

OP just watch out is all I'm saying, men take advantage of girls like you.

+1
Not too sure about the slut label - really hate calling people names. But OP - this will be how you will be known - right or wrong.
Take a step back fast and really look at what you are doing and why.
If it is just sex you crave with someone you care about (like) - then find a consistent FB.

Would also recommend you go and get checked for STIs / Aid / HIV - just because you don't show any symptoms does not mean you are free of it.

FYI - if I had been your ex - and told you to go live a little (that was a cop out by the way and showed he didn't care nearly as much as you hoped) - and I then found out what you had been up to - well 2 thoughts
> oh man I missed out on all the kinky Sh1t.
> thank god I missed out on all the kinky Sh1t... dead right to escape that.....

I know this might seem like I am attacking you - I am not - just questioning some of your choices. Whatever they are - just be damn careful - cause up to now you have not been...

I don't know what on earth some people are thinking. Normal for a 19 year old girl to have 12 sexual partners in what sounds like a short time? To sleep with randomers off the Internet? To have unprotected sex and catch chlamydia twice? How is any of this normal? Sex addiction doesn't mean a different person every night. It's the reason she's doing it, she's even said herself it's to fill some sort of void and leaving aside STI's, that's not healthy.

Victor

kjl wrote: »

What you have done for you age is ridiculous and shows no self respect, it's no achievement and it shows me that you have some very deep seeded insecurities that you need to to deal with.

If someone has a problem, please don't use their problem to beat them up. Can I suggest you abstain from this thread?

Mr. Incognito

Okay I know the OP personally and she texted me to state that this thread was open. I'm going to tell the op publlcally what I have told her privately..

Wear a condom

Cop on.

People that are in the range of 5+ years older than you are out for one thing or should be teated as such until proved otherwise.

I have so much respect for my friend, the OP, but please please girl look after yourself.

Opinions last a day. Disease lasts a lifetime.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

so_sad wrote: »

Ok, I can guarantee you I don't have a sex addiction. And I don't consider it ridiculous either tbh but I would have considered it "slutty" until I read through these posts saying it's all double standards etc.

It's probably best to ignore some of the posts to tell you the truth

Well firstly in order to answer that question can I just say "I DO enjoy sex!".

Good, for a while I thought you didn't enjoy it and just had sex anyway, which I could see as being odd.

Sorry if I said otherwise it was probably spur of the moment as I was ffeling so down! The only thing I will say is that I ENJOY IT MORE with people I actually know and care about i.e. not someone I've just drunkenly met!

Ever had a fook buddy? It can be good, but it can also be complicated. One night stands can be good, but you want your wits about you. Wear protection etc etc.

I was with my ex for only 3 months and I've had boyfriends before that but I've never loved any of them but this guy I really fell for big time!

You are 19, you will probably feel that over and over again. It will hurt more too.

He was 25 and I was 18 at the time and he broke things off with me because I was "too young for him". We text every now and again and all is cool but I really would love to get back with him but I don't wanna give him the ego boost,

Hehe, yea well if you don't go for it you will never know. Although, I wouldn't tell him about the guys you were with or anything.

just want to play things cool with him if you know what I mean

I am actually unsure of what you mean there. Flirting? Just friends? or having sex?

He said to me when we broke things off, "live your life a bit, you're too young for boys anyways" and it's actually since then that I've gone off the rails.

He probably had his moment when he was younger and feels that he is keeping you back from living your life.

I've done stuff I would never have considered doing since he said that - I.e. Coke, joints, threesomes etc.

There is no harm in exploring, if you are just trying these things, but don't get hooked on them, then it's not bad at all. You are just experimenting.

I just seem to have no limits anymore but I've actually grown to think this is all OK. And I don't know if it is or not? I just keep telling myself - "everything in moderation"..

You definately have to set limits and keep to them. Especially when it comes to drugs. Going out getting rat arsed drunk, smoking loads of weed, snorting lots of coke and then having sex with random with a few strangers is not healthy. It's not abnormal (for some of the older fogies in this thread it might be abnormal, but I would like to welcome them to the present :P)

You know what's really not normal? Turning down a threesome... yup, that's what I did a good few years back. Probably the only regret I ever have... ha :P

[quote=[Deleted User];64836744]I don't know what on earth some people are thinking. Normal for a 19 year old girl to have 12 sexual partners in what sounds like a short time?[/quote]

Care to tell us what's so abnormal for a girl (is it reserved to only females?) to have sex with 12 people?

To sleep with randomers off the Internet?

What's wrong with this exactly?

To have unprotected sex and catch chlamydia twice?

Nothing abnormal about any of this. Considering how common STI's and STD's are. Have you seen the statistics? It's definately advisable to practice safe sex, but the OP is not in an abnormal situation what so ever.

How is any of this normal? Sex addiction doesn't mean a different person every night.

She is not addicted to sex.

It's the reason she's doing it, she's even said herself it's to fill some sort of void and leaving aside STI's, that's not healthy.

There could be something there, but nobody here, even if they are highly qualified, can come to any conclusions with this information. The information we have is limited. You have your suspicions, but that is all it is. Let the professionals figure that one out.

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

People that are in the range of 5+ years older than you are out for one thing or should be teated as such until proved otherwise.

How exactly have you come to this conclusion? It's similar to parents teaching their female children that men are bad (all men are paedophiles syndrome).

This is probably the worste advice you could give anyone. If someone is 19 they must be after love and friendship? What a load of rubbish.

Be cautious with all men, not just those that are 24 and above. That makes no sense at all. Not all men are after sex.

Mr. Incognito

People that are in the range of 5+ years older than you are out for one thing or should be teated as such until proved otherwise.

SIR, bollox, a 25 year old MAN who is trying to sleep with a 19 (less) woman should be treated with contempt until proven otherwise, I'm not saying it does not happen, but I am looking out for my friend

Imo people 25+ has next to nothing in common with a girl that just turned 19. As a man that is my opinion, you are free to express yours.

I have told her this publicly and privately and if it wasn't for my intervention she wouldn't have gotten the STI tests in the first place, the OP can confirm.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

SIR, bollox,

You might want to explain that part.

a 25 year old MAN who is trying to sleep with a 19 (less) woman should be treated with contempt until proven otherwise, I'm not saying it does not happen, but I am looking out for my friend

You didn't say that, you said this:

People that are in the range of 5+ years older than you are out for one thing or should be teated as such until proved otherwise.

Which would imply that anybody that is 5 years older than the op just wants to have sex with her, or should be treated like they only want to have sex with her.

Which is the wrong attitude to have.

Imo people 25+ has next to nothing in common with a girl that just turned 19. As a man that is my opinion, you are free to express yours.

Well I am living proof that your "opinion" is completely wrong. Many people have friends younger and older than them. I have friends as young as 18 and as old as 70.

How do you come to the conclusion that age groups share the same interests as eachother but age groups cannot share interests with other age groups? It's wrong. Completely wrong. If you were right then our species would be seriously segregated, even moreso than it already is.

I have told her this publicly and privately and if it wasn't for my intervention she wouldn't have gotten the STI tests in the first place, the OP can confirm.

That's good, but, does it have any relevance? I mean, what's the point? Does this give you some sort of authority or something?

I don't want to drag this off topic, but I have to explain to you and show you that some of your advice is not the right way to deal with it.

Nevyn

I know many couple in long term relationships where it is more then a 7 year age gap, that type of a gap is not the problem.

The op is young and exploring herself and her sexuality and figured out that she can have that sort of experiences if she wants, and now having tired it, is reflecting and looking back on her experiences and is hopefully going to learn from them.

So_sad having throw away sex like that is like fast food or eating a packet of biscuits to distract yourself or feel better for a while, it doesn't last and you can do more damage to yourself. It's a rush but the come down and risks aren't good and you need too look after yourself.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex, and it's not unusual when you start living your own life to break all the rules your parents enforce on you and then you start making your rules for you in your life. Those rules which you choose for yourself and your own standards will have a bigger hold on you then anything your parent set for you as they are from your own experiences.

I would suggest that you look at doing things which build your confidence and self esteem. Risk taking and getting a rush can be used to push yourself to do things which are good for you and things you are good at. Work on yourself, your worth it and buy a vibrator

Mr. Incognito

Apologies for the language. I was just in from the club at the time and pretty drunk.

I've advocated a vibrator. lol. Seconds on that.

My point is this, a fella in his late twenties and a lady who has turned 19, today actually, happy birthday OP have little in common. yes it happens but the majority of guys in that situation which the OP is meeting are out for one thing and she needs to grow up and stop having unprotected sex with these people. By all means date them and explore her sexuality but she needs to have the maturity to use protection. It is clear that she is not happy with this behavior so it's not a matter of people adding their opinions as to the morality of it, she knows where her moral compass lies.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Apologies for the language. I was just in from the club at the time and pretty drunk.

No worries

I've advocated a vibrator. lol. Seconds on that.

Vibrators can be good but only if you are comfortable with them. Some people are not. If you decide to get one, then shop around, plenty of them available. Oh, and get one that suits you, not your friends or a person working in a sex shop.

My point is this, a fella in his late twenties and a lady who has turned 19, today actually, happy birthday OP have little in common.

What I am trying to understand is where you are comming up with this. The only thing they do not have in common is age. They may have plenty in common. It happens a lot more than you think. Maybe certain interests are reserved for different age groups, but in general interests can be shared by all ages. Age is not a barrier in most cases

OP, I implore you not to think like this, that older men are only after sex. I mean if you offer it, most of the time I think they would take it. So don't. You know? Older men are not bad people, lol.

yes it happens but the majority of guys in that situation which the OP is meeting are out for one thing

He may not have been after just sex, but most guys wouldn't turn down sex on the first night. Saying that, if they don't get it, it doesn't mean they are pissed off or anything.

and she needs to grow up and stop having unprotected sex with these people.

Definately.

By all means date them and explore her sexuality but she needs to have the maturity to use protection. It is clear that she is not happy with this behavior so it's not a matter of people adding their opinions as to the morality of it, she knows where her moral compass lies.

Well she is uncertain of her behaviour, she wants to find out if it's normal. If everyone told her it is normal then she may not be unhappy. If we all told her it was crazy abnormal slutty behaviour, I think she would be unhappy then.

Have sex as much as you want, with whom you want. Don't let others judge you on that one, but do wear protection, do have respect for yourself and the guys you date. If you show restraint and have respect for yourself, they will follow suit and show you respect.

Happy birthday op

LegacyUser

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Okay I know the OP personally and she texted me to state that this thread was open. I'm going to tell the op publlcally what I have told her privately..

Wear a condom

Cop on.

I have so much respect for my friend, the OP, but please please girl look after yourself.

Thanks In fairness, if it wasn't for Mr Incognite I would never have even thought of getting checked!! And I was lucky I did as I wasn't aware how common STI's were so always assumed I was more than likely going to be in the all clear. Very grateful for that - I was saved! :P

Santos Spicy Owl wrote: »

Ever had a fook buddy? It can be good, but it can also be complicated. One night stands can be good, but you want your wits about you. Wear protection etc etc.

Yes I have but I never enjoyed having one as I want something intimate and meaningful. As I said I would love a boyfriend and I'm not bad looking and I have a nice personality so I don't know why I can't find one. The one I want is the one I can't have.

Santos Spicy Owl wrote: »

I am actually unsure of what you mean there. Flirting? Just friends? or having sex?

I meant, I don't want to text him as I don't want him to think "she's not over me" - Everyone seems to want what they can't have, it's ridiculous - all relationships today seem to be about games i.e. wait at least an hour before you write back bla bla bla

I would love him back though. I know I'm only 19 (Ps thank you for the bday wishes ) but I would like a situation with him where we can be friends and a relationship in the future wouldn't be ruled out, if that's possible

Santos Spicy Owl wrote: »

You definately have to set limits and keep to them. Especially when it comes to drugs. Going out getting rat arsed drunk, smoking loads of weed, snorting lots of coke and then having sex with random with a few strangers is not healthy. It's not abnormal (for some of the older fogies in this thread it might be abnormal, but I would like to welcome them to the present :P?

I've only smoked hash once, weed a few times and coke once and I didn't like the effect any of them had on me. I was with my friends today and they were all smoking hash and I turned it down as I DO have will power but mainly because I am not bothered or interested so that aspect is not a worry.

Santos Spicy Owl wrote: »

You know what's really not normal? Turning down a threesome... yup, that's what I did a good few years back. Probably the only regret I ever have... ha :P

It was awful **nods head in disappointment!**

LegacyUser

Santos Spicy Owl wrote: »

Well she is uncertain of her behaviour, she wants to find out if it's normal. If everyone told her it is normal then she may not be unhappy. If we all told her it was crazy abnormal slutty behaviour, I think she would be unhappy then.

Have sex as much as you want, with whom you want. Don't let others judge you on that one, but do wear protection, do have respect for yourself and the guys you date. If you show restraint and have respect for yourself, they will follow suit and show you respect.

Happy birthday op

Thank you very much

Just to sum up, the only real reason why I set up this thread was because I do feel sluttish and I was just curious as to whether or not it was socially acceptable - which I think would make a very interesting thread in After Hours perhaps. It was getting me down thinking "what would my parents think of me etc." but I guess the key is to enjoy myself (safely) and keep it on the low down. Is that the general attitude yea?

I pray to God the chlaymidia hasn't done any damage to me even though I've been treated. Would be distraught to find out I was infertile!

rantyface

Boys your age are only coming to the age where they want emotional closeness now, so don't be disheartened.:)
You're not doing anything that harms anyone else, so don't feel too bad about your behavior. If you get that creeping feeling that you're not proud of it, then maybe it's time to stop. A lot of people go through a phase like that and then settle down. I didn't sleep around but I did kiss a lot of boys and go out with them briefly, and now I couldn't even do that- I'm too prudish!

I was at the same kind of school as you and my God those girls can be savage. They were nice to me but I was always afraid to be myself (nerdy northsider, no interest in clothes/make up). Are you in college? That's when I really came into myself. Meeting new people might be what you need. I can see why you've lost trust in people, but the vast majority of people in the world are nicer than those types of girls!

(I don't think your sex life itself is the issue. If you think yourself that it is symptomatic of your loneliness, then it is unhealthy. It's nobody else's business to judge or label you, but I don't think your behavior is "normal" since that's what you asked, but I also don't think it hurts anyone else so it's not wrong)

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

so_sad wrote: »

Thanks In fairness, if it wasn't for Mr Incognite I would never have even thought of getting checked!! And I was lucky I did as I wasn't aware how common STI's were so always assumed I was more than likely going to be in the all clear. Very grateful for that - I was saved! :P

His advice was very good, fair dues to him for that. It's also lucky you got the check before somebody caught it from you, that's where the social trouble would start, with name calling and the likes.

Yes I have but I never enjoyed having one as I want something intimate and meaningful. As I said I would love a boyfriend and I'm not bad looking and I have a nice personality so I don't know why I can't find one. The one I want is the one I can't have.

Again, they are not for everyone, if you don't like them then don't use them. Whatever suits your needs.

I meant, I don't want to text him as I don't want him to think "she's not over me" - Everyone seems to want what they can't have, it's ridiculous - all relationships today seem to be about games i.e. wait at least an hour before you write back bla bla bla

Ah yea, these games can be sooo annoying, and personally I don't see the point in them. The thrill of the chase is probably the reason. Ego booster maybe? I dunno, I do know that it's pretty fustrating. Should I text her? Will she think I am a weirdo if I keep texting her? etc etc. It's quite stressfull for us men too :P

I would love him back though. I know I'm only 19 (Ps thank you for the bday wishes ) but I would like a situation with him where we can be friends and a relationship in the future wouldn't be ruled out, if that's possible

I'm not one to give a lecture on life, but I started dating when I was younger, so I have had quite a few relationships. Some of my best friends used to be my girlfriends. Sometimes a friendship can be much better than anything intimate. Sometimes intimacy kinda ruins it, you know? You will never know if the guy that you were with that time was the one, just don't regret anything and keep looking forward. Take each relationship for what it is and learn from it. Always remember the amount of people that live on this planet, we are only on a tiny island. Many people find love on their travels to other countries. If you get your heart broke by somebody, learn from it, keep your chin up and be confident in yourself, soldier on. There's definately somebody out there that would do anything for you, love you unconditionaly and care for you. Might take a while to find that other person, but he's out there somewhere.

I've only smoked hash once, weed a few times and coke once and I didn't like the effect any of them had on me. I was with my friends today and they were all smoking hash and I turned it down as I DO have will power but mainly because I am not bothered or interested so that aspect is not a worry.

Good It's difficult to say no to your mates. You must have good will power if you can refuse them.

so_sad wrote: »

Thank you very much

Just to sum up, the only real reason why I set up this thread was because I do feel sluttish and I was just curious as to whether or not it was socially acceptable

It is important to understand that what is socially acceptable for one generation is not for another. Our generation is much more liberal, with the world becomming one big community, access to information, the internet, the lack of church and other external influences telling us that sex is bad etc etc. Some of the older generations would consider your actions to be wreckless and crazy, but do they really matter? No offense to those people, but this is our time, we shouldn't be influenced by these conservatives. Most of them grew up with the priest being the authority on most things. Different times altogether.

Which I think would make a very interesting thread in After Hours perhaps. It was getting me down thinking "what would my parents think of me etc." but I guess the key is to enjoy myself (safely) and keep it on the low down. Is that the general attitude yea?

I tell my mam mostly about things I have done, looking for advice and to see if it's "ok", but I do realise that she is from a different generation. She knows I smoke weed, partied lots in college and done some things that she thinks are crazy :P. You don't have to tell your parents anything, especially if they are not understanding. My dad wouldn't understand anything, but my mother would. Plenty of things I still don't tell them, I know they would freak out :P. Main things is that you are happy in what you do, that you enjoy it, regardless of what others think. Keep it on the low down if you wish. If you fear you will be judged then nobody needs to know. Surely you have somebody that you can confide in? Mr.Incognito prehaps. People your own age have more understanding and therefore are generally more accepting and less judging.

I pray to God the chlaymidia hasn't done any damage to me even though I've been treated. Would be distraught to find out I was infertile!

Well I wish you all the best with this, I hope all goes well and that you learnt a very valuable lesson from this (getting the STD that is). Goodluck

LegacyUser

I had to reply to this... this sounds very like the old me when I was 18 and 19. I'm 22 now but it seems like my past was a whole different me.

Are you on anti-depressants? I come from a good family too and actually got teased in school for not getting with boys. When I was put on anti-d's when I was 17 for shyness, they made me very slutty and I had alot of one night stands. When I eventually got off them about 2 1/2 years later, I haven't had any one night stands since. I actually look back in horror at that time of my life cos it wasn't really in my character.

It doesn't seem like you intentionally want to have the one night stands. I used to think that men wanting to have sex with me meant that they fancied me- I always hoped that they would genuinely like me and call me again.

I think that it's great that you've recognised that this behaviour is not making you happy so now you can work on looking for other things to make you happy!!

You've already caught a serious disease which should be a huuuge wake up call but look after your mental health too- it can cause emotional scars.

Best of luck :-)

Santos Spicy Owl

Santos Spicy Owl wrote: »

Care to tell us what's so abnormal for a girl (is it reserved to only females?) to have sex with 12 people?

I don't think it's normal for a 19 year old girl to have had 12 partners. Maybe we run in different circles, but to me that's way, way more than average. Especially if it was in a relatively short period of time.

What's wrong with this exactly?

It's dangerous? She doesn't know what on earth they might have?

Nothing abnormal about any of this. Considering how common STI's and STD's are. Have you seen the statistics? It's definately advisable to practice safe sex, but the OP is not in an abnormal situation what so ever.

Just because lots of people catch chlamydia doesn't make it 'normal'! It's a serious infection that can have devastating consequences. It's not that hard to put a condom on. Plenty of people sleep with more people than OP and don't get chlamydia. And how can she know when she got it anyway? Maybe she did pass it on to different guys. The only way to be sure is to get checked between every partner.

OP, your attitude to sexual health is quite concerning. There's no excuse whatsoever for a 19 year old not to know about STD's, in this day and age. Sleeping with strangers without a condom is nothing short of madness, and I don't think I'm being dramatic. You don't know what you could get. Even a condom isn't a guarantee everything is grand, that's why these days doctors tend to call it safER sex instead of safe sex. I'd make a habit of regular STD checks, condoms or not, and make sure to get a smear test done at 25 if not even earlier. I know I'm raining on your parade, but you might regret this down the line. If you decide it's worth the risk, that's up to you, but make sure you know what those risks are.

tbh

don't beat yourself up OP. you're just figuring this stuff out, and sometimes sex and sexuality can be a powerful thing to control, especially when you don't have a lot of experience with it. You're sexually active what - 2 or 3 years? - and you're just beginning to cop on that just because you can have sex doesn't necessarily mean you should have sex. It's like giving a really powerful car to someone who just got their license. If your behaviour is causing you to feel upset, then take note of that, but certainly don't beat yourself up because of your past actions - there's no point.