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Not His Girlfriend

  • 08-03-2010 8:57pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Going Unregistered for this and going to keep details vague but would like you guys opinions...

    I have been dating a man for the past 3.5 months but he hasn't asked me out yet, there is an age gap of 8 years (early - late twenties) I don't know if this has something to do with it, I have been wary about bringing up the topic as I don't want to come across as needy/ bunny boilerish, as that would be a tendency from past relationships which I am trying to break free from, so I have been acting very nonchalant about the whole scenario but inside it is driving me nuts, is he just not that into me or I don't know.. am I expecting too much too soon?

    Completly unsure of what to think, any opinions appreciated.. Cheers!


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If he hasn't made it clear after three and a half months then it's safe to say that you're a free agent. Go out and meet someone new, or go out and have a good time. Either way, move on from him


  • #3
    StillWaters
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,799 ✭✭✭StillWaters


    Do you mean that you haven't had the chat about whether you are exclusive? If so, just bring it up and suggest it if that is what you would like. It is neither bunny boilerish or needy to do so after 3.5 months.


  • #4
    stephen_n
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,920 ✭✭✭✭stephen_n


    Unsure.. wrote: »
    Going Unregistered for this and going to keep details vague but would like you guys opinions...

    I have been dating a man for the past 3.5 months but he hasn't asked me out yet, there is an age gap of 8 years (early - late twenties) I don't know if this has something to do with it, I have been wary about bringing up the topic as I don't want to come across as needy/ bunny boilerish, as that would be a tendency from past relationships which I am trying to break free from, so I have been acting very nonchalant about the whole scenario but inside it is driving me nuts, is he just not that into me or I don't know.. am I expecting too much too soon?

    Completly unsure of what to think, any opinions appreciated.. Cheers!
    You'd want to consider that, if that's the signal your sending out maybe he is reacting to that. Being honest about how you feel and what you want is the opposite to being bunny boilerish as you put it. So be an adult and have an adult conversation with him and you might just find he wants the same as you!


  • #5
    Shayman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭Shayman


    It's a shame all the etiquette and analysis has come into relationships these days. It's all waiting for signs and the correct order of things to come - especially from the girls. When I started out on the dating scene there was none of that... Then again we didn't have tv shows like Friends dictating to us...


  • #6
    music lover 2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47 ✭music lover 2


    Hi op

    I would have a chat with him there is a big difference between being a bunny boiler and asking for what you want. I behaved like i didnt care /acted very casual in my last relationship and the guy ended it. I acted like that because i was afraid i would come across needy and also because i have been badily burnt before .

    I know hindsight in no sight but i def think if i had been a bit more open with him maybe the relationship could have worked.

    I think its ok to ask for what you want after 3.5 months so i say go for it!


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  • #7
    krudler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Why havent you asked him out? Maybe he assumes that as its been over 3 months and since presumably neither of you have gone off with anyone else you are going out, and if hes the one in his late 20s he'd feel a bit childish asking "will you be my girlfriend?" just have a talk with him and ask if he wants to be exclusive, or bf/gf, its not bunny boilerish to want to know where you stand in a relationship.
    It's a shame all the etiquette and analysis has come into relationships these days. It's all waiting for signs and the correct order of things to come - especially from the girls. When I started out on the dating scene there was none of that... Then again we didn't have tv shows like Friends dictating to us...

    Err, Friends has been around since 1994, thats a whole previous generation of people dating it was aimed at


  • #8
    MelanieC
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,883 ✭✭✭MelanieC


    If after 3.5 months neither you nor he has brought up the subject then ye obviously don't communicate very well and that's not a great basis for a relationship to begin with. :o
    Neither of you are mindreaders so someone will have to bring it up. Just bite the bullet and ask him - at least then you'll know either way. But if ye do start a proper relationship from this, make sure ye don't wait 3.5 months before talking about the next issue or it will never work.


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