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A Year On..

  • 08-03-2010 2:38pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Its been a year now I supose since you can say my life has appeared to turn upside down. During the summer last year I had posted here about all my problems. I have spent so much time suffering and I really am feeling crap so much of the time in my life.

    I'm at the stage where I realise I dont want to go on like this anymore. I've been through it so many times but I am at a further stage of realisation of the problem. A little info on my situation I supose Im 20, in college, living at home with my mother, Girlfriend, Part-time job, Social life - not so great.

    I love everybody in my life, including my close friends and girlfriend. Unknown to most of them they have kept me going through some crap times, although there is nothing in perticular that actually causes me to be the way I am - I still suffer. I love life, I love the world I feel the need to do more but I cant? I love people, the company of other people. I feel the pain other people feel and can relate to so much problems other people have.

    I dont even know if anything I said above makes sense but ive been saying to myself for the last while I really need to write down all my thoughts and see if anything makes sense because above is an example of the messed up stuff I think to myself.

    Everyday I wake up it can hit me instantly. Very deep thoughts, dark thoughts. There isn't a day that goes by that I dont think at some stage how I dont want to be here. My life is fine by all accounts - but its not. I live at home with my mother, I have a brother and sister who live away from home (they're older). I hate living at home, I hate my house although me and my mother do get on quite well and are quite close but I almost distance my self from her purposly because I hate my home.

    I love my girlfriend, she loves me - we get on well most of the time. We have been together for over 3 years now. I've been to a councellor and still have a little bit of contact with her but since college relocation I dont really see her much. She was very good to me, always there to talk on the phone if I needed and once at a weekend on her time off she met up with me at a very bad time.

    I have issues, stupid ones, ones that are affecting my life way too much but I feel emotion strongly. I want it all to stop because I want to love life and do look forward to my future when I am in a good mind.

    Sorry for the big rant that sort of makes no sense :(


Comments

  • #2
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,644 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    I have issues, stupid ones, ones that are affecting my life way too much but I feel emotion strongly. I want it all to stop because I want to love life and do look forward to my future when I am in a good mind.
    We all have issues, some big, some small, some we can get over, some we can't. Sometimes we can get over the big ones, but not the small ones. Some things you can do, I can't and vice versa.

    In context, the reality seems to be that this issue is affecting you in your day to day life. If you can't get over the problem, then you need someone to do so. The best people to help you in that are probably your health professionals, starting with your GP.
    a_year_on wrote: »
    I've been to a councellor and still have a little bit of contact with her but since college relocation I dont really see her much.
    You don't say why you were seeing her, but most colleges have some sort of counselling service in place that is usually free or very cheap for students.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was seeing her due to depression. I was at a very dark point in my life (albeit at the face of me, you probably wouldnt even know it) but inside I was very very low. We have been together for hours for counselling and she has recognised various things in my passed that may influence my life now. One being a divorce between my parents and living home with just my mother who I do love but distance myself from her. I was on medication for a while as I said before for depression before coming off it again as it didn't seem to have an effect on me other than sexually.

    The only thing that keeps me going is having my life to contend with. College, work & most importantly friends. Friends have played such an important part of my life over the last year as I said above unknown to them but I consider them almost as close as "saving me".

    I feel so much guilt for feeling the way I do consindering my circumstances, but I can't help it. I'm a constant thinker & emotional freak.


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