Dating - Who Pays the Bills - Him or Her???

CDfm

The idea for the thread is a little mischevious. A guy posted about the cost of dating being 500 a year -which is probably right if you are a new age anti globalisation environmentalist vegan. Lots of guys replied doing the man thing and ladies came back doing the , you horrible cheapskate.

From day 1 my girlfriend has insisted on splitting the bills - when we are out we usually do a rota. I pay one evening and do the whole I am man and therefore I am master bit. The next she pays and is the Independent Modern Woman and I am her .... gulp.

When this happened to me -this was news to me that a woman would pay equally. My girlfriend paid for our first dinner out. Did I feel cheap -not a tiny bit, though I did wonder was she trying to get me in the sack .

So come on lads, when you go on a date do you pay for all the drinks beacause pints are bigger and ladies do you arrive by bus and expect a taxi home? Guys do you pay for dinner because she has favoured you with her company and girls do you let him "because you are worth it".

mood

I'm female. I always go halves or take it in turns.

(I think you need to reread that other thread. People were objecting to the guy comparing a potential girlfriend to a prostitute!)

Khannie

Been a while since I've been dating but I'd always assume I was gonna pay and make sure I had enough cash (or credit or whatever) to cover any potential bill. I would generally just try to pay the bill and discretely. I asked them out. My treat. Most ladies that I went out with would be happy enough to let you or would then buy drinks to reciprocate or whatever.

CDfm

mood wrote: »

(I think you need to reread that other thread. People were objecting to the guy comparing a potential girlfriend to a prostitute!)

it is quite an interesting thread -more for the answers than the OP imho. but this is meant to be a bit lighter.

dearg lady

CDfm wrote: »

it is quite an interesting thread -more for the answers than the OP imho. but this is meant to be a bit lighter.

+1 I enjoyed reading it, and I think ther's many issues being touched upon, not just the OP comparing a potential girlfriend to a prostitute.

As regards your question CDfm, I'm a woman and always pay my way, ie go halves or take it in turns. This is fine most of the time, but I have had people tell me I'm OTT about it, in fact I'm so afraid of takin advantage of someone that I'd be splitting the tiniest of things! It did result in arguments with one ex, he wanted to treat me soemtimes, but I was uncomfortable with it.

So now, I continue with my usual splitting things, but try to be more gracious if every so often someone offers to treat me.

Another point is that I think women still tend to, on average, earn less than men, if this were the case, and I was making a life with soemone, then yeah, I would expect them to contribute proportionately more to bills and the like. The same would apply if I was earning more, but I have not yet dated a man who earns less than me!

(sorry, I've probly killed the light heartedness!)

CDfm

dearg lady wrote: »

This is fine most of the time, but I have had people tell me I'm OTT about it, in fact I'm so afraid of takin advantage of someone that I'd be splitting the tiniest of things!

Thats cool - I only came across it with my partner and yup some girls I dated took Eddie Hobbs "short hands long pockets" too literally.

So now, I continue with my usual splitting things, but try to be more gracious if every so often someone offers to treat me.

Ah - you are a sweetie

The same would apply if I was earning more, but I have not yet dated a man who earns less than me!

Fussy and picky about who we date and what they earn arent we :rolleyes:

(sorry, I've probly killed the light heartedness!)

See that was easy to fix

krudler

I'd pay on a first date if I asked the girl out, but me and the missus usually take turns or split the bills. Nothing worse than a girl that wants to be "kept" and have everything paid for, fcuk that noise

dearg lady

CDfm wrote: »

Fussy and picky about who we date and what they earn arent we :rolleyes:



See that was easy to fix

cheeky!!

CDfm wrote: »

Ah - you are a sweetie

I'll still take the compliment though, ya gotta take em when they come!

Grumpypants

A date is different than going out with the girlfriend. I think its ok to pay the full amount if you are on a date, its also ok if she wants to split it or pay for the drinks so it evens out.

If your girlfriend still expects you to pay for everything she wouldnt be a girlfriend for long.

Malari

Grumpypants wrote: »

A date is different than going out with the girlfriend. I think its ok to pay the full amount if you are on a date, its also ok if she wants to split it or pay for the drinks so it evens out.

If your girlfriend still expects you to pay for everything she wouldnt be a girlfriend for long.

Was just going to say something similar. I've never really "dated" - I've gone out with guys I already know, or friends of friends.

With boyfriends I have always split the cost, or at least alternated payments for everything.

I do see a few girls I know not going to the bar for a round, which strikes me as odd, as I always do it. Their boyfriends always buy the drinks. But maybe they give them money to do it!

Otis Driftwood

Its usually a 50/50 thing.Eg on Saturday I went to the zoo with a girl Ive been seeing,I paid the admission and she paid for lunch or if we go to the movies for example one would pay in and the other would get the popcorn or whatever.

Keeps things simple and neither party is spending more than the other.

Having said that,Ive never had a problem putting my hand in my pocket.

mood

Malari wrote: »

Was just going to say something similar. I've never really "dated" - I've gone out with guys I already know, or friends of friends.

With boyfriends I have always split the cost, or at least alternated payments for everything.

I do see a few girls I know not going to the bar for a round, which strikes me as odd, as I always do it. Their boyfriends always buy the drinks. But maybe they give them money to do it!

One of my friends boyfriends always hold her money as she hates to bring out a bag so to those who don't know it appears he always pays but this is not the case.

WindSock

Depends on the wage gap. I ask him what his salary is then whip out the calculator when the bill comes and work it out from there



I would never go for dinner on a first date anyway. But I would always offer to pay half in any circumstance.

Pherekydes

CDfm wrote: »

So come on lads, when you go on a date do you pay for all the drinks beacause pints are bigger and ladies do you arrive by bus and expect a taxi home?

Hang on, CD.

/tries to hold back the onslaught of pint-drinking, car-driving modern wimminz. (and fails miserably)


OT: She pays. Because she can.

helimachoptor

When i was dating I would pay, thankfully I went out with girls who weren't interested in mooching off me. In my current relationship we pool our money mostly and as we earn about the same amount it works quite well.

shoes34

when I was I went on my first date with my now ex he paid but I did offer to pay and then we went for a drink and I got them.

After that when we went out it was pretty much 50/50, if we went to the movies and he paid then the next time I would pay or same with dinner etc.

If we went to weddings I would pay for the room in the hotel if it was my friend and he would do so if it was his friend.

Silverfish

On the first date:
If he asks me out, he pays.
If I ask him out, I pay.

It's not fair to ask someone out then expect them to have cash available. And it's not fair to turn down a date with someone because you have no money, otherwise they'll think you're a bitch or don't like their personality/looks/whatever.


When we're 'going out' as such, he might pay, but I might have paid the bills that month, or I might pay and he might have paid for the shopping earlier, or whatever.

The last 3 people I went out with were unemployed when we started going out, so I paid for absolutely everything if we left the house. When or if they got jobs, we went 50/50 usually.

Grumpypants

Malari wrote: »

I do see a few girls I know not going to the bar for a round, which strikes me as odd, as I always do it. Their boyfriends always buy the drinks. But maybe they give them money to do it!

I know one girl who got her boyfriend to buy the drinks all night when he asked her to go to the bar she did and came back with 1 drink for herself and thought nothing of it.

Greyfox

CDfm wrote: »

When this happened to me -this was news to me that a woman would pay equally. My girlfriend paid for our first dinner out. Did I feel cheap -not a tiny bit, though I did wonder was she trying to get me in the sack .

For me it's always 50/50 and thankfully the vast majority of women out their don't expect the man to pay. I'd never let it be exact though, sometimes I pay sometimes she pays but keeping count of who's payed for what would be silly

I can understand some women letting men pay most of the time, as some men are idiots. I think a women expecting the man to pay for everything is a really horrible and disgusting person.

For me I earn the same abount of money as my girlfriend so why should I have to pay more or any guy in a similar situation? Also I think when a guy and a girl are on a date both should be equally trying to impress each other, not one person making more of an effort!

Silverfish

To be honest, I've found a hell of a lot of men don't pay their way either. I've been out with a lot of 'Can you lend me 50 quid' or 'I've forgotten my wallet' people, and I've never gone out with someone who had their own car so I've always done all the collecting and dropping home and as a result of that, when I'm out, I'm not drinking. Therefore, I'm going 50/50 in rounds that are a pint of whatever and a glass of coke.

So I think what you'll find is that some men will think women are freeloaders because they've only gone out with women, and some women will think some men are freeloaders because they've only gone out with men.

I think you'll find there's a good few people who are freeloaders.

Greyfox

Silverfish wrote: »

On the first date:
If he asks me out, he pays.
If I ask him out, I pay.

It's not fair to ask someone out then expect them to have cash available. The last 3 people I went out with were unemployed when we started going out, so I paid for absolutely everything if we left the house. When or if they got jobs, we went 50/50 usually.

Perhaps if it was the cinema but anything else and I'd have to say that only a bitch or a dickhead could go on a date with no money with them!

It's never fair for a guy or a girl to pay for everything!!

Silverfish

Greyfox wrote: »

Perhaps if it was the cinema but anything else and I'd have to say that only a bitch or a dickhead could go on a date with no money with them!

It's never fair for a guy or a girl to pay for everything!!

So a person is a bitch or a dickhead for not having money to split a bill for a meal?

Bit extreme. You'd need to ask him beforehand where you were going, how much it would cost, would he want dinner/drinks/nightclub, and negotiate costs. I think that would be being more than a bitch than saying 'no sorry, I like you and all but I can't afford to go out with you. Maybe when I get a job or something'.

I have to say if I really liked someone, I wouldn't be bothered about the money, I'd be interested in spending time with them and getting to know them, so I'd gladly (and have in the past) paid when I've asked them out.
It's a bit scabby to ask someone out and then say 'Ok, your half comes to 40 euro, will you be paying by cash or card?'

Greyfox

Silverfish wrote: »

So a person is a bitch or a dickhead for not having money to split a bill for a meal?

Bit extreme. You'd need to ask him beforehand where you were going, how much it would cost, would he want dinner/drinks/nightclub, and negotiate costs. I think that would be being more than a bitch than saying 'no sorry, I like you and all but I can't afford to go out with you. Maybe when I get a job or something'.

I have to say if I really liked someone, I wouldn't be bothered about the money, I'd be interested in spending time with them and getting to know them, so I'd gladly (and have in the past) paid when I've asked them out.
It's a bit scabby to ask someone out and then say 'Ok, your half comes to 40 euro, will you be paying by cash or card?'

Ok I accept it's a little different if you go for an expensive meal, but when it comes to drinks it just seems more polite to take turns buying them. I still think it's rude for one person to expect the other to pay but fair point, a person going on the date shouldn't have to say no because moneys tight for them that week

donfers

Silverfish wrote: »

So a person is a bitch or a dickhead for not having money to split a bill for a meal?

Bit extreme. You'd need to ask him beforehand where you were going, how much it would cost, would he want dinner/drinks/nightclub, and negotiate costs. I think that would be being more than a bitch than saying 'no sorry, I like you and all but I can't afford to go out with you. Maybe when I get a job or something'.

I have to say if I really liked someone, I wouldn't be bothered about the money, I'd be interested in spending time with them and getting to know them, so I'd gladly (and have in the past) paid when I've asked them out.
It's a bit scabby to ask someone out and then say 'Ok, your half comes to 40 euro, will you be paying by cash or card?'

who are you going out with?

by the sounds of it, it's 14 year olds

no date is so expensive that spliting it will kill someone financially unless you are intending being treated at a 5 star restaurant and intend downing champers all night

Let's face it, a lot of people whine and bitch about the cost of things and how little money they have and how they can't afford this or that while at the same time spend a fortune on non-essentials like cigarettes, takeaway coffees, clothes, alcohol, chocolate, fancy toileteries, face-creams, taxi's evrywhere, fukkin' luxury soaps even.

it's bollox, anyone, even on social welfare has mroe than enough money to get by but most splurge it on garbage and then whinge they have nothing


anybody who goes on a date with zero money = a bit sad to be honest. To not have a few euro to spare to pay for a coffee/drink or cinema ticket is shameful. Not that it matters as invariably I'll pick up the tab regardless but still to not even offer or bring the cash, my god-you better be an absolute stunner or I'm not putting up with that. (yes the truth is beautiful women get away with this stuff, call it a perk of the wonderful genes they've been given)

oh and if you truly are penniless(and you never ever should be, no excuses) then suggest a date that involves no spend = a walk, cooking for someone at home (even if it beans on toast), watching a dvd, playing a sport etc etc

Silverfish

Wait, I'm a bit confused. You think I'm going out with 14 year olds because I pick up the tab, yet you say I better be a stunner if I expect the guy to pick up the tab?

Crikey, we really can't win.

donfers

No I think if someone goes on a date with no money they must be about 14.

I also think conventionally attractive women can benefit financially from their looks i.e. trophy wives, old millionaire marries beautiful young blonde etc.

That's all I'm saying

Disclaimer: This is just one person's opinion, not true for every conventionally attractive women or everybody who goes on a date with no money. Investment in a date can lead to a penis going up as well as down