My Friend Killed Herself

Feeky Magee

She was 18, and she was so pretty, and so loved. Her brother got cancer and she thought he was going to die. She also found out that she had a miscarriage unbeknownst to her, and I guess it just all added up.

I know people will say that it wasn't anybody's fault, but it really does get you thinking: should I have realised, seen something? Maybe something I could have said might have popped into her mind just before she did it and stopped her? Things like that are tearing away at me. I feel sick, I have a headache and I'm angry that I haven't cried yet.

She had better friends than me, and I can only imagine how much worse it is for them and for her family.

I'm sure others have experienced this as well. How did you cope?

I hope you're at some sort of peace now Alissa. xx

ravima

go and talk to/with some friends, or indeed a clergyman.

You need to grieve for your loss and you need to continue living as well.

Perhaps say a prayer for your friend and light a candle.

I'll say one for the both of you tonight.

Keep well.

Feeky Magee

I'm not a praying man mate, but thanks for the kind thoughts.

BDR

You couldn't have known or prevented it.
People deal with stress and different events in their lives differently, a girl I know took her life last year and it was a huge shock to everyone, like you're friend she was loved and popular, and people still aren't sure why it happened. All you can do is try to work through it, and think about all the good things, the time you spent together.

You're probably in shock ATM, the tears will come when you're ready.

Hope you're ok x

neil_18_

I'm sorry to hear that Feeky,

I see that you're a student, so maybe you should go to your school/college counsellor to vent any emotions and get some experienced advice.

There was nothing you could have done Feeky, don't think like that, when people are going through emotions they sometimes keep them so bottled up that you wouldnt notice. I had a friend whos father died, he lives in another country now, and i didnt find out until a year later. He said he didnt want to talk about it even though i had been with him after the death and asked him how the family was, he didnt mention it.

Please keep well, look after yourself.

EDIT : I agree with the above post, the tears will come, you're still in shock... I didnt cry until 4 days after my uncle passed away

Feeky Magee

Thanks Andrea, thanks Neil.

I'd been talking to her on MSN just the day before and she was as hyper as usual, it's just hard to believe it can change as quickly as that.

Diabhal Beag

Sorry to hear Feeky.

There is nothing you could have done. You can't look into the future. It is a shame that she didn't ask for help but you can't blame yourself.

Be strong but don't be afraid to cry.

Hope that helps.

tweety_bird

Sorry to hear that, all my kindest wishes for you and her family xxx

dont be afraid to go through the motions and pain because bottling it up will only do damage.

All the best xxx

cafecolour

Feeky Magee wrote: »

I know people will say that it wasn't anybody's fault, but it really does get you thinking: should I have realised, seen something? Maybe something I could have said might have popped into her mind just before she did it and stopped her? Things like that are tearing away at me.

Suicide does that to everyone involved unfortunately. One of mate's mates hung himself when I was in uni. I had met the lad once in passing and yet I still wondered if I could have done something, it shook me up for a good while and I barely knew the lad.

OutlawPete

Hi Feeky,

Sorry to hear that.

Have had suicide close to me also.

Don't be thinking there was something that you could have done or anything.

Hindsight is 20/20, we'd all do better if we could go around twice.

Was she the girl with you in the pic with you in the KYNs thread?

dublingal80

my ex (boyfriend at the time) tried to kill himself when he was with me. didnt work, thank god, but honestly i never saw it coming and i know myself i couldnt have done more for him. there is nothing you could have done. nothing anyone could do.
sorry for ur loss

ziedth

I'm sorry to hear that too feeky,

one of best friends of going on 7 years hung himself in the last few weeks. I was like you I didn't feel anything and it Reading some comment he left on facebook set me off. You will feel it at some point, don't rush it or expect it.

I don't know will this help you but for me it helped to concentrate that he was at peace and the pain they must have been going through must be so much to push them over the edge in a way I'm glad it's over for them. But, thinking that way is by no means for everyone so I guess just try and continue you life even better try and do something positive out of it. I'm organising a group to run in his memory in a marathon,

You suggested your not a spiritual person, it doesn't really matter. Talk to them! It will feel wierd but it also helped me allot.

Best of luck man.

Agent J

I am sorry for your loss.

The most important thing to realise is that you can only deal with the information you know and you cannot take responability for anyone elses actions.

I know that sounds cold but it is the only way i managed to rationalise similar situations.

You can only do your best with what what you actually know and torturing yourself with "Should i have done something/known simthing" is the last thing you should think.

Take care.

flahavaj

Very sorry to hear this Feeky.:(

You mustn't blame yourself about this or wonder why you didn't spot this. Often when things like this happen, even those closest to the person have no idea what state of mind they were in. How could they? People can be remarkably good at hiding their feelings and keeping it all bottled up inside. What you say about her being giddy on MSN ties in with typical behaviour, people who commit suicide often are reported to be almost euphorically happy when they have decided to do what they're going to do.

Bottom line Feeky, talk to someone if you can. Grieve in whatever way you need to grieve. Don't blame yourself, theres no way you could have known. Send me a PM if you need to talk more mate.

Chin up.

Feeky Magee

Feeky Magee wrote: »

She was 18, and she was so pretty, and so loved. Her brother got cancer and she thought he was going to die. She also found out that she had a miscarriage unbeknownst to her, and I guess it just all added up.

I know people will say that it wasn't anybody's fault, but it really does get you thinking: should I have realised, seen something? Maybe something I could have said might have popped into her mind just before she did it and stopped her? Things like that are tearing away at me. I feel sick, I have a headache and I'm angry that I haven't cried yet.

She had better friends than me, and I can only imagine how much worse it is for them and for her family.

I'm sure others have experienced this as well. How did you cope?

I hope you're at some sort of peace now Alissa. xx

very very sad lad. so sorry to hear that. chap up the road from me came home from a night out one night. he took an OD of pills but not just any pills but blood pressure tablets that were out of date. he died the next day, 5 days before his 18th birthday, very very sad. shook the small community im from to its very core. guy had a bright future. 9A's in his junior cert and in his leaving cert year. and it all happened xmas week.

dammitjanet

hi Op,
I'm so so sorry to hear what happened and my heart really goes out to you
No one can see this kind of thing coming, I lost a friend to suicide last year and it's the worst feeling in the world, but it does get better.
Tears will come, they always do, and don't fight them when they do

best of luck, hope you're doing okay x

bronte

So sorry to hear about your mate Feeky.
Please go easy on yourself over the next while.

DigiGal

Feeky Magee wrote: »

Thanks Andrea, thanks Neil.

I'd been talking to her on MSN just the day before and she was as hyper as usual, it's just hard to believe it can change as quickly as that.

People who appear the happiest are often deeply unhappy inside. Some people are just very good at hiding their emotions and sadly they are often the ones who need help the most, things pile up on them but they dont talk to anybody...Its a verysad thing to happen, A 13 year old girl who lived near me killed herself also, everyone thought she was a happy girl who ahd everything. Sometimes we just dont know what goes on behind closed doors

Feeky Magee

Some of the stories in this thread are truly heartbreaking. I still haven't cried, but I'm sure it'll come. More should be done on suicide prevention in Ireland, I'm sure of it.

Thanks for the advice guys. x

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Grief is a weird emotion. Don't stress about not crying, you may be in a bit of shock, you're emotions are probably all over the place, just remember there is no "should" with emotions, you'll feel what you feel and there's not a whole lot you can do about that. The tears will come, probably when you least expect it, when you hear or see something that makes you remember her. Just be good to yourself and although it's natural please don't turn this inwards and end up feeling that you somehow had a part in this, it will do no good and just make you feel rotton. I've heard that when someone decides to take their own life that they feel like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders coz all their problems will soon be gone, because of this the person looks to the rest of the world as if they're happy as Larry. This is why people can be so very shocked when seemingly happy people end their lives. There's nothing you could have done, think about it, how can you intervene in something when you didn't even know it was going on. Big BIG BIG HUG sweetie, I'll hope that you start feeling better soon.

Feeky Magee

OutlawPete wrote: »

Hi Feeky,

Sorry to hear that.

Have had suicide close to me also.

Don't be thinking there was something that you could have done or anything.

Hindsight is 20/20, we'd all do better if we could go around twice.

Was she the girl with you in the pic with you in the KYNs thread?

No mate.

I cried today, finally. Felt like such a relief. I think I'm coming close to some sort of acceptance, thanks in part to some of the touching comments on this thread. Thanks boardsies.

Reesy

My condolences Feeky,

Recently a knowledgeable friend told me about the service www.console.ie for people who have lost a friend thru suicide. Maybe check them out.

Kelda09

Hi Feeky, Im so sorry to hear about your friend, It's a really hard loss to deal with. Ive experienced it a few times and each time there's been the questions and wonderings of 'what did I miss, or what could I have said?' Unfortunately, there is nothing you could have said or done. It sounds like your friend hid her feelings extremely well and nobody expected it, please dont be too hard on yourself.
What another poster mentioned and struck a cord with me is the thought that they are at peace now. Seeing someone I loved laid out after their suicide, it hit me that it was the most peaceful Id seen them looking in such a long time. Talking to her might help, give out, question, and just chat, It might feel strange but sometimes hearing your feelings being voiced can help you to understand them better.
Finally as for your worry over not crying much. there is no right or wrong reaction to loss and grief. Everyone is different and your way is just as valid as anybody elses, the main thing is to take care of yourself at this time.

Magenta

I'm so sorry Feeky. Reading about your pain has brought tears to my eyes.
A girl in my class committed suicide and it shook us all to the core.
She always seemed like such a happy girl, she was really popular and bright and so beautiful.
Please talk to your college counselor if you have one, a relative, or friend, somebody you trust. Please don't beat yourself up over it. You just never know what is happening in somebody's thoughts.
Alissa is at peace now, nothing can hurt her anymore.