awkward...eekkk

LegacyUser

Hi just wondering if someone can help me. I have been seeing a guy for a past few weeks, really get on and like him a lot. Anyhow last week we finally ended up in bed which was what I was hoping for. The only thing is that when I went to give me a BJ his penis wasnt clean at all... so much so I nearly heaved
Now I really really really like this man but dont know how im going to broach this subject. I love giving oral and if this situation keeps up I just wont be happening. Has anyone had this problem before or any pointers as to how to say it without being harsh or unkind.

Thanks

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Have wet wipes by the bed and give him a clean next time. If he doesn't get the message then just mention it to him.

Trust me, he wont mind, he'll just be happy to be getting them!

WhatWillBee

Isaac Swift Antelope wrote: »

Have wet wipes by the bed and give him a clean next time. If he doesn't get the message then just mention it to him.

Trust me, he wont mind, he'll just be happy to be getting them!

I would be mortified if I just grabbed a wet wipe and started wiping a guy down before giving him a BJ haha

OP, next time when hes over and you guys are gettin hot and heavy, why dont you suggest taking a shower together, or just drag him in there, thats sexy anyway.

Then after, you can tell him how you really like being so fresh and clean etc etc.

Try to get the point across subtly and then to be honest if that doesnt work and you still really like the guy, you just have to straight up tell him. Dont be hurtful but just say something like, its not the nicest thing in the world giving a BJ so could you just pay extra attention to that area when you are in the shower?.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys. think I might feel a little funny using wet wipes, the shower before sex does sound more appealing. Its early days... very early days but he's a good guy in every other way and I just dont wanna ruin it but saying his manhood is a lil funky ya know!
Hopefully things will be better the next time we get down to it and Iwont have to say / do anything

gavney1

Guys are generally terrible at "picking up hints". I am at least. Just say it to him straight. Just make sure it doesn't sound condescending.

Personally, it's not something I'd be embarrassed by. This guy will probably just be delighted that this is the only criticism you have of his penis!

shellyboo

WhatWillBee wrote: »

I would be mortified if I just grabbed a wet wipe and started wiping a guy down before giving him a BJ haha

.

You'd be mortified using a wetwipe on a man whose penis you're about to put in your mouth? That makes noooo sense to me whatsoever.

If you're not grown-up enough to open your mouth and say "I need you to clean up before I go down on you" then you're not grown-up enough to be giving blow-jobs in the first place, imo. It's hardly a big ask that he be clean.

WhatWillBee

shellyboo wrote: »

You'd be mortified using a wetwipe on a man whose penis you're about to put in your mouth? That makes noooo sense to me whatsoever.

If you're not grown-up enough to open your mouth and say "I need you to clean up before I go down on you" then you're not grown-up enough to be giving blow-jobs in the first place, imo. It's hardly a big ask that he be clean.

Ah you telling me that if you are lying down with a guy about to go down on you and next thing you know you are being wet wiped, that youre not freaked out??

Youre right, you should be grown up enough to say it to him, as was my advice to the OP. But saying it to him, and just wiping him down without saying anything (as was your original advice) are two different things.

Youd be hard pressed to find anyone who is ok with being wet wiped before sex, with or without asking first lol so I guess that means everyone is too immature to have it? Come on. haha To each their own I guess.

I think Gavney1 is probably on the money, all this requires is a bit of an awkward conversation and the OP should be a very happy woman. Good luck to you OP!


Edited to add: yes I am not ok wet wiping a penis I am about to put in my mouth, because one is about PERSONAL hygiene and one is about pleasure, and Im only responsible for my partners pleasure.

kjl

WhatWillBee wrote: »

I would be mortified if I just grabbed a wet wipe and started wiping a guy down before giving him a BJ haha

OP, next time when hes over and you guys are gettin hot and heavy, why dont you suggest taking a shower together, or just drag him in there, thats sexy anyway.

Then after, you can tell him how you really like being so fresh and clean etc etc.

Try to get the point across subtly and then to be honest if that doesnt work and you still really like the guy, you just have to straight up tell him. Dont be hurtful but just say something like, its not the nicest thing in the world giving a BJ so could you just pay extra attention to that area when you are in the shower?.

this is another classic what not to do, you girls think guys can pick up on these subtle hints, when in reality all you have to do is tell him in a nice non threathing way, I can guarantee you he wont have a problem washing him dick when he is getting a blowjob out of the deal.

All you have to do is before you esculate it too that stage say this exactly

"OK I dont mean to be rude, but will you just wash the head of your penis, the last time it was a little off"

He will have no problems at all.

Smallbit

kjl wrote: »

this is another classic what not to do, you girls think guys can pick up on these subtle hints, when in reality all you have to do is tell him in a nice non threathing way, I can guarantee you he wont have a problem washing him dick when he is getting a blowjob out of the deal.

All you have to do is before you esculate it too that stage say this exactly

"OK I dont mean to be rude, but will you just wash the head of your penis, the last time it was a little off"

He will have no problems at all.

I fully agree. I'm a woman in my early 40s, so I think I'm getting the hang of guys at this stage. Believe me when I tell you, NO guy has ever taken a subtle hint from me!

OP, be direct, honest, and brief. Don't use pejorative language, or metaphors, or euphemisms (or mention the word cheese...). Simply say you like to give oral but insist (not prefer...) a very clean penis.

I don't know a single guy that would complain...

LegacyUser

Damn foreskins. Seriously.

As a guy just let me say that he might not even know that his penis isn't washed properly. He's got to pull his foreskin right back and wash it properly if you don't want that horrible smegma stinking it up. If he has a slightly tight foreskin and he's young then he mightn't even be aware that he's not doing it properly.

So, awkward as it may be, you should tell him. Don't go down the wetwipe route.

And I'm saying all this as a guy who had this issue when he was younger. I didn't even know how far back my foreskin was supposed to go and thought I was doing a good job of cleaning it - I shudder now to think of the poor girls who blew me back then.

ogriofa

yukky wrote: »

... last week we finally ended up in bed which was what I was hoping for.

I'm gonna gues he wasn't expecting to be getting any. Now that it's possible he could/should be squeeky clean.
If he doesnt "clean up his act" i'd wait until you guys are close enough to say something like that. If he's a sensitive type be carefull, but a lot of blokes dont get the subtle approach

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

You'd be mortified using a wetwipe on a man whose penis you're about to put in your mouth? That makes noooo sense to me whatsoever.

If you're not grown-up enough to open your mouth and say "I need you to clean up before I go down on you" then you're not grown-up enough to be giving blow-jobs in the first place, imo. It's hardly a big ask that he be clean.

Hi OP, don't listen to the posts belittling you. You are showing maturity by thinking about how to handle the situation tactfully. THere is nothing wrong with seeking advice. Sometimes in RI many posts seem to centre around the theme that the people who reply would never make any human error of any kind and then proceed on to put the OP down.

Please ignore that.

Take Smallbits advice I think. Gently mention it to him. I am a 40 year old woman and I also dont think hints work with fellas. best of luck in your new relationship.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your replies. Ill wait and see how things go when we hit the sack again. Most of you dont think guys get 'hints' but if needs be ill try that first, if its doesnt work then a general nod on the right direction ie. the shower will have to be given.

I would have guessed that most guys would have been aware of these issues as ive never have come across it before. This guy is 31 and im 29 so its not like he's a silly teenager.

Ill keep ye updated!

Barracudaincork

Op, Id give him another chance to redeem himself if i was you

How many times have you scored and you thought damn i wasnt expecting this and i havent shaved my legs etc ?

shellyboo

WhatWillBee wrote: »

Ah you telling me that if you are lying down with a guy about to go down on you and next thing you know you are being wet wiped, that youre not freaked out??

Youre right, you should be grown up enough to say it to him, as was my advice to the OP. But saying it to him, and just wiping him down without saying anything (as was your original advice) are two different things.

Youd be hard pressed to find anyone who is ok with being wet wiped before sex, with or without asking first lol so I guess that means everyone is too immature to have it? Come on. haha To each their own I guess.

It wasn't my orginal advice, it was someone else's. My advice was to open your mouth and tell the dude he's not clean.

My point was, it's hardly "mortifying" to clean off a guy's penis if you're having sex with the guy. In fact, there are several reasons why you'd have to do so and I've employed many a wet wipe in my time. Nobody was horrified, nobody was disgusted, so I don't think I'd be hard pressed finding other mature adults who understand that sometimes it's necessary. If you're not grown up enough to help a guy clean up when it's necessary - if you find it "mortifying" - well that's more than a bit immature.

WhatWillBee

shellyboo wrote: »

It wasn't my orginal advice, it was someone else's. My advice was to open your mouth and tell the dude he's not clean.

My point was, it's hardly "mortifying" to clean off a guy's penis if you're having sex with the guy. In fact, there are several reasons why you'd have to do so and I've employed many a wet wipe in my time. Nobody was horrified, nobody was disgusted, so I don't think I'd be hard pressed finding other mature adults who understand that sometimes it's necessary. If you're not grown up enough to help a guy clean up when it's necessary - if you find it "mortifying" - well that's more than a bit immature.

Sorry you are right, that was someone elses advice. Apologies. When else could is possibly be 'necessary' for me to clean someones penis? lol (outside of the guy being a quadrapelegic or otherwise physically unable)

But all jokes aside....

Listen, if this is after sex or whateverand Im HELPING him clean up, thats a totally different story. I have no problem, HELPING someone if they ask.

Thats not what I was responding too. I was responding to the idea of suddenly grabbing a wet wipe and washing someone down without anything being said beforehand. To be honest, its kinda rude to clean someone without their permission lol (never thought Id ever have to say that) and thats why Id be mortified. If you think Im wrong and immature for that, then fine lol, but Im not going to be a wet wipe ninja anytime soon



If im kissing someone with bad breath, I ask them to brush their teeth, but I wouldnt be brushing them for them haha.


I think we will just forever disagree lol, but nonetheless I think the OP has made her decision so this is probably a discussion for another day. Cya