Feeling so depressed...

LegacyUser

Registered user going unreg'd for this...

To all the people who know me, from my family to my friends to my colleagues; I'm a happy guy. Always laughing, smiling and generally seeming to be happy. There's never a problem to put me out, I never stress about anything, and I'm doing fairly well in life.

But for the last while, all the above has been nothing but an act and a facade. I have never felt such crippling, awful depression in my whole life. Sometimes I find it so hard to get up in the morning. I just want to curl into a foetal ball and sob back to sleep. I'm crying an awful lot too, something I never used to do.

Things I used to find a lot of fun and pleasure in (football, being with friends, etc.) all now leave me with feelings of ennui and I find myself thinking: "What's the point?"

I have a good job, and I have everything in my life that I could want, and yet I just feel so low. I'm afraid if I try to seek help from anyone, their reaction will be a negative one and they'll say something along the lines of "What have you got to be depressed about?"

I have also lived a good life up until now; I was loved by my parents, I was never abused as a child, I never went without as a child, I had a very happy adolescence and so on. Depression never entered my life until lately. And maybe because I was so unused to feelings of depression and sadness in my life is why this is killing me so much now.

I feel abandoned by some of my friends, and depressing thoughts are haunting me, things like "Would anyone care if I was around at all?" and "I'm not loved or hated, I'm just forgotten." I have no idea why I am starting to think like this at all.

Maybe I'm just being whingy and whiney and behaving stupidly, thinking Woe is me the whole time... But I really think something has gone wrong and that I do need help.

Thanks for listening.

LegacyUser

Hey op sorry you are feeling down


Dont feel odd about been like that an awful lot of people at some stage of life feel somewhat depressed and feel forgotten.I think you should sit with your parents and talk with them how your feeling.Or maybe visit your gp and tell him how you have been feeling.
Is there any reason that may have triggered these feelings?

LegacyUser

OP here again.

I find it very hard to talk to people about my personal life, preferring the anonymity this affords me.

I've been thinking about what could have potentially triggered any of this in me, and I'm honestly drawing a blank. But somethings that could be seen as triggers are that I've been single pretty much consistently for 3 years and that I don't feel that I have any truly close friends. These never bothered me before, or at least I thought they didn't. I don't know whether these are the causes, but now that I think about it, they easily could be.

I do have plenty of friends, don't get me wrong, but none of whom I would be very close to, or who I would feel in any way comfortable in confiding in. These friends are great for going to watch a match with, going to the pub with and generally having craic with, but apart from that, they would not be ones I would turn to, or feel comfortable turning to in crisis.

One part of my upbringing was also something I was thinking about; that men should be strong, in control and silent on emotional issues. "Big boys don't cry" and mantras such as that seem very apt when I look back upon where I grew up and so on. I've never spoken about what I felt, rather bottling it up and repressing anything that might have upset me, so maybe I've just gone into overload.

LegacyUser

FeelingBlue wrote: »

OP here again.

I find it very hard to talk to people about my personal life, preferring the anonymity this affords me.

I've been thinking about what could have potentially triggered any of this in me, and I'm honestly drawing a blank. But somethings that could be seen as triggers are that I've been single pretty much consistently for 3 years and that I don't feel that I have any truly close friends. These never bothered me before, or at least I thought they didn't. I don't know whether these are the causes, but now that I think about it, they easily could be.

I do have plenty of friends, don't get me wrong, but none of whom I would be very close to, or who I would feel in any way comfortable in confiding in. These friends are great for going to watch a match with, going to the pub with and generally having craic with, but apart from that, they would not be ones I would turn to, or feel comfortable turning to in crisis.

One part of my upbringing was also something I was thinking about; that men should be strong, in control and silent on emotional issues. "Big boys don't cry" and mantras such as that seem very apt when I look back upon where I grew up and so on. I've never spoken about what I felt, rather bottling it up and repressing anything that might have upset me, so maybe I've just gone into overload.

Hey op. I get were you are coming from loads of friends but not close enough to confide in them about how i am feeling.I really thing for you own piece of mind to talk to someone who knows you well.Possibly Parents mother with emotions or a girl perhaps you feel is a good person?
Dont let the not dating anyone in particular feel like it is a problem although it can be a bit lonely and every one loves to have that companion to share with,you will find miss right i am sure.The whole macho man thing not showing softer side or emotions is definitely a problem in a lot of men and you have to try set that aside and realise you are human, and are allowed to be upset and show them feelings and you are not any weaker for that,infact if anything stronger because you are showing them here and recognizing how you feel.And a woman will always love to see a softer side of a man.Sharing with someone i feel is a must for you.The not getting up in morning have been there to and seriously would rather disappear rather then face the day.What makes it good is you are still getting up in morning.When you feel like that just push yourself out of that bed and take that shower and think of the good things you do have in life and the good people around you.
If you are feeling lonely in life and missing that companionship of a woman perhaps time to try and date a little,and give some woman a chance to make life more fun and happy with you.Seriously consider going to your mother and ask her to have a chat about how you are feeling or a girl who you know and is nice person.
I hope this helps and hope you feel better

Acoshla

Hi,

I don't know if this might be any help to you or not, but a relative of mine was at the doctor yesterday because she was feeling very low and he said over the last few months he has seen an unprecedented amount of patients complaining of unexplained depression, he said they all tested low for serotonin, simply because the winter has been so bad nobody has had enough sun to maintain Vitamin D levels which produces serotonin, which makes us feel happy.

If you are feeling so down you should talk to your GP anyway, it might just be something simple like this, but it can't do any harm to talk to them.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

I'm probably going to book an appointment with a GP soon enough, cos all day today I just had this dull, throbbing headache, so maybe I'm feeling bad because I'm ill. But other than that, today was pretty much same as ever, if maybe a little bit better.

Hopefully if I get some more vitamins and maybe better sleep, I'll feel better and so on.

Thanks a lot to the two guys who posted here! Gave me a bit of a pick-me-up. Simple words and such... but was very effective! Thanks, guys!

Shayman

Well. How are you today? I know exactly how you feel. I get down in the dumps quite deeply from time to time. It helps to talk. Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Went to doctor's office yesterday, told him how I had been feeling the last few days. He did a few tests and so on, had a talk with him, and felt a bit better. None of the tests appeared to show anything, but he said he'd know more in a day or two.

Had been feeling very upbeat and a lot happier in work, and so on. Met up with a few friends that I really care about and had been feeling a lot better.

Then tonight... The two friends that really mean the most to me were talking to me and so on. They are nearly finished their college courses now (within the next 12 months or so) and started speaking in glowing terms of how they are going to "get the fúck out of here" as soon as they can. I did a bit of a double take and asked them if they were serious. They are. One wants to go to New York, the other Australia.

I'm unlucky in that I never went to third level education and so on, but I'm lucky that I have a good job now, but I am obviously very tied to this country due to my work.

My friends talking of ambitions and their futures and of leaving got me back, thinking bleak and I almost started crying in front of them. I simply cannot imagine not having them in my life, but at the same time if it is their dream... who would I be to stop them. I have no shame in admitting when I got home I sobbed for about an hour, just imagining life without them. I couldn't take it.

I try to convince myself I will be alright on my own, but I know that I won't be. I do not have a lot of truly close friends and to lose not one but both of these people would be absolutely the most devastating thing to happen to me in a long, long time. I know it is potentially over a year away and may never happen, but the thoughts of it are unbelievably upsetting for me.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Just got news that a very close friend of the family has passed away.

He had just had successful surgery on his ankles and was back, full of the joys of spring. He was talking about us going for a game of golf in the near future and his happy, bubbly personality was always welcome. I saw him on Wednesday, and he seemed so upbeat and happy.

If I was feeling bad earlier, I'm feeling absolutely rotten now. I had to leave work because of it, when I found out (thankfully, my boss is really, really sound and he was even offering to drive me home if I was too upset).

R.I.P. You'll always be remembered.

vicecreamsundae

Sorry about that sad news. but you know what, you should take comfort in the fact that you saw him on wednesday and that he was so happy and upbeat.

i know it's such basic advice, but you really should just talk to someone, a friend or someone in your family or even a counsellor. it will be such a load off your mind if you do.
as for your mates planning to get away, you're right it might never happen. but it's not for ages anyway. take this as a cue to make some new friends, take up a new activity or class.
or consider going with them, or somewhere else -it might not be the best idea if you really love your job, but think about it anyway.

i really hope you manage to bring up that you are feeling down lately with someone you know. it will a huge difference.

DazMarz

OP, sounds like things are just piling up on you at the minute.

If you can find the courage to try and talk to someone about what is bugging you (I know it's hard; I find it hard to talk to friends about personal issues too!) believe me, you will feel a whole lot better. If you can speak to a really, really close friend, it will help. Your friends are there to help and listen, not to judge.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend who passed away. There is really nothing much worse than a bereavement of a close friend/family member. My condolences, sincerely.

It may be hard to do at the moment, but try and keep your chin up, talk to someone you know who will care about you... and most of all be safe.

Also, try doing more of things that you enjoy; listen to music you love, play sports you love, watch your football team more etc. Inane sounding advice, I know, but if it helps cheer you up and take your mind off things, all the better.

Man, I hope you feel better and good luck!

LegacyUser

Hey

I just thought i would throw something out here that has been my experience. I know that for many people there is a definite emotional reason for being depressed and that situation requires counselling and support from others.

I got quite depressed in the past and like you i felt like i had no reason to be, good family, friends, job and all of that.

I was sick a good bit over my adolescent years and as a result developed intolerances to a lot of common foods. Basically a combination of diet change, more exercise, good nutritional supplements, a mild anti depressant and a little bit of counselling to make sure there were no major emotional issues that i could not see all resulted in me feeling a lot better these days. Oh and yes i also use a "S.A.D. lamp" on my desk during winter to give me a light boost.

None of this may be the case for you but i just thought id throw it out there just in case. When i am healthier physically i am better equipped to deal with emotional issues.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Sorry mods if I'm giving this a bump, but I feel I need to vent here.

The last few weeks have been fine, I've been busy with work and thought I was feeling a lot better about myself and everything seemed fine.

I mentioned in a previous post that I had been really upset over two friends of mine talking of leaving Ireland on a semi-permanent basis. These are two people who I would consider to be my closest friends and I was so upset because I would obviously miss them terribly.

One of these friends suddenly lit on me today, for absolutely no reason. She tore me to shreds, battering my confidence and leaving me feeling so alone.

She claims that I've been avoiding all my friends and that I have just been making up excuses and not being bothered. I have just been so swamped under this week with work, I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

I will admit, there have been times in the past when I've been less than a perfect friend, but I always tried my best and always tried to be friends with everyone.

But tonight she just took me apart and I honestly couldn't believe it. I met up with her for the first time in a while, just to grab a smoke with her on my way home from work. She said something about me not answering a text of hers earlier in the day, I replied that I was a bit busy with work but had meant to text back... and she just tore into me.

I couldn't believe it. I was standing in semi-shock as I listened to her say all these things to me, including one of "you don't have any friends anyway", and I have just been left numb by it. I've known her for years, she's one of my oldest friends and I cannot believe that she said all these things to me.

My confidence and my self-esteem has just been torn to utter pieces and I'm back feeling low and upset again, and this will not be easy to get over. I hope she didn't mean it, but even if she didn't, I'll find it hard to believe that she didn't mean all the things she said to me.

What can I do?