He's just not that into me??

fluffyotaters

Hi guys,

Was hoping some of you (especially the guys) could shed some light on this situation. I'll try keep it as short as possible :pac:

I lived with a guy for a year, didn't know him before that but met him through his sister.

It was just the two of us in the house and from day one we got on very well and felt very comfortable with each other, if he was pissing me off I could say it to him and vice-versa.

He was really sweet and thoughtful, when I was sick he'd look after me, when I was having a bad day he'd come home with ice-cream and would never to the shop without bringing me home my favourite chocolate bar. He was sports mad and hated 'girlie' tv shows but would always watch 'Desperate Housewives', 'America's Next Top Model' albeit with a lot of moaning about how shi*e the shows I watch are :pac:

There was always a bit of sexual tension between us and we'd flirt but we lived together so never wanted to make things awkward so just stayed friends. Later I found out that everyone thought we would get together, his family included (we lived near them and I saw them quite a bit)

Anyway the time came for me to move out because I got a job in Scotland. I was going to miss him and vice-versa but I assumed we'd stay in touch and could meet up when I came home etc

Anyway on my last night in the house he came in and sat down beside me on the couch and was acting weird so I asked him what was up. He told me that he liked me and had been thinking about telling me for a while. i asked him why wait until now to tell me and he said that if I told him I didn't feel the same way then it would be ok because I was leaving and it wouldn't be awkward. We had a bit of a kiss but nothing more.

Anyway I move away and we keep in contact but all of a sudden he stops, no more phonecalls, texts. Nothing. Withing a month I moved back home with work again (don't ask :rolleyes:) and I told him and still nothing. It was his birthday and I sent him a card and gift and still nothing, not even a thank you.

Now if he's jsut not that into me fair enough but why be so rude about it? I lived with him for over a year and he was never anything but sweet and decent, could I have really misjudged someone that much?

P.s sorry it is a bit long

JonathanAnon

What exactly did you say to him when he told you how he felt.. ?

fluffyotaters

Well at first I thought he was joking so I kind of said 'oh yeah course you do ' and didn't take him seriously.

He had had a couple of drinks as well, he wasn't drunk but had a few so I just assumed he was just chancing his luck but it wasn't as if I was someone he met on a night out, we lived together for a good while....

D

Maybe he has just moved on.
For all you know it could have been hard for him to get over you and now fears what will happen when you get back.
Maybe he has a paranoid girlfriend.
Honestly there could be a wide variety of reasons that he hasn't been in contact. He might not have the same phone number/email as before.

JonathanAnon

I think may have been hoping that you would reciprocate. I know his reasons for saying nothing.. It usually up to the guy to say something, but it's a big risk.. especially when you are living together. I liked a girl I was living with one time and I too waited til about a month before she was moving out to say something.. It all blew up in face, just in case you are wondering and I would NEVER do the same thing again.

I would say the guy is just embarrassed, maybe considers that he tried and was knocked back, and just wants to get on with things.

blaz

Here is my personal interpretation of your story, others might of course disagree.

I would say he was very much in to you when you were still living together. If he told you that he fancies you and you wouldn't return the feelings it would soon become very awkward, so he kept quiet, which in this situation was the right thing to do.

When you left, he told you, because he knew you would probably not see each other again soon and especially as you would no longer be his flat mate.

You left out one essential bit of information though. You say you two kissed, but nothing more. So he tells you he fancies you and you kiss, that's it? You didn't tell him anything? Or did you perhaps tell him you want to stay friends with him (a big no no)? Or did you tell him you fancy him as well?

The answer to the question very much depends on the answer to the questions above.

1. If you told him you want to stay friends this basically means he will never be your boyfriend, so now he is ignoring you because he knows there is no future for you as a couple. This one sounds the most plausible, because that's what a guy would do in this situation: cut off all contact and try to forget you.
2. He has a girlfriend but still fancies you. In this situation this is again the appropriate response, because he would be playing with fire if he kept in contact with you.
3. Your messages have not reached him. This is a long shot, but still an option.

There might be other options, but without details on what exactly happened between you two before you left it is hard to say.

fluffyotaters

No I did tell him that I felt the same way but I was also wary of the fact that he had a couple of drinks....

I still do like him tbh but the fact that he has just completely ignored me is something I don't understand.

force majeure

Well then talking from the point off view off being a guy i can tell you this, we [guys] can be total muppets altogether when love is on the cards.
All i can say is he may be blanking you due to misinformation or it may be down to him getting a bit gobsmacked after the last time you both had that moment. let him know discreetly you would like him to get in touch and make sure their is a time limit on when you expect to hear from him as he can not expect you to wait around forever.
good luck
FM;)