How soon is too soon?

LegacyUser

Hi all, i'll try put this forward as best as i can explain my situation. Seeing my BF for about six months. Things going really great, i don't think i've felt like this before and i have a long term relationship, living together etc, under my belt as well as a few smaller ones. We get on great, have lots of fun and spend lots of time together. I have my own property and he lives at home. He's mentioned a few times that he wasn't happy with his living situation but through circumstance he's not in a position to leave. The thought has crossed my mind to ask him if he would like to move in with me, but the rational part of my brain is telling me it might be too soon. I'm really torn over this, whilst i'd love to spend more time with him, i miss him when he's not with me, i'm afraid to rush things and maybe ruin it!! i don't know, any advice would be appreciated. Has anyone here ever had to make a decision like this, any good experiences?? Another thing is that i also like my space and think it's important for both people to have that in a relationship although i could see that we could work that if we did live together. The last live together relationship i had ended in disaster and i was really hurt so maybe that's holding me back...?? Help!!

moco

If it feels right go for it, there is no such thing as too soon really if you're both happy with it. My boyfriend moved in with me after about 4 months and it's still going great a year on.

moco

I forgot to add I was very wary at the time cos I've had a few disasters too. I really panicked to myself the day he was moving in in case I was making a mistake but was fine after a few days and have no regrets.:o

Nevyn

Talk to him about it, have a general conversation rahter then asking him and see what he thinks.

Cheap Thrills!

6 months is plenty of time to be moving in.

I don't see the point of artificially stretching out the pre-living together phase. When its time, its time.

I don't understand the reticence and overthinking about moving in. Its a reversable process if things go wrong.

stephen_n

As was said sound him out, without actually asking him the direct question. He may feel that living in your place will mean he has no security and that might put pressure on the relationship, but if he doesn't then it's the right time if your both ok with it!

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the replies....and to moco . It's me mainly being scared crapless about messing up as i said i've had a very difficult experience living with a partner before. Yes it's mainly due to financial hiccups that he's still at home but he's also always been there, maybe because he was never with someone whom he wanted to live with, i know he' had the oppportunity before with a partner. I don't know how to mention it casually without sounding like i'm fishing. I think if i asked and he said no, i would be devastated. That's my main concern.

jenga-jen

I think the moving in conversation is much like the first drop of the 'L' word, it should be approached with care cos coming out with it at the wrong time could just make it awkward!

I think definitely do as Thaedydal said and approach it in a more general way, you'll get a feel of where he's at and this will give you a good idea as to whether he might be open to moving in together.

As other posters have said, there's no 'set time' on when you should be moving in together! If it feels right go for it, g'luck

Kiera

One of my friends moved in with her now husband 2 weeks after meeting each other. Another a month, that lasted 3 years and it wasnt the fact they were living together that split them up. It was for another reason.

If it feels right for you then maybe joke about it and see his reaction? Does he stay over much now?

StillWaters

Really, whats the rush? You are at that wonderful loved up dating stage, why can't you just enjoy that for a while longer.
Besides, I think you are not at all sure yourself that you are ready to live with someone again, maybe in another 3, 6, 12 months you will be surer.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies, it's not that i feel there is any rush, it's just for the first time in a long time i miss him when he's not there, his arms round me while i fall asleep etc, all the things that are good about living together. I haven't felt this in year really and i think if we did live together it could be great. If someone had told me last year that i would feel like this...i would have told them they were mad. He stays about three nights at the min, sometimes four. Yes i know that we're in that exciting loved up stage and i also don't want to move things along too quickly and kill that either...what to do!! . Maybe i'll just wait for a while, if it's meant to be, it will i guess!! So hard when the butterflies seem to be contolling your thoughts

Hrududu

From a practical view if he can't afford to move out of home even into a houseshare can he afford to pay you rent & bills?