Strange story (a bit long)

unclecessna

Just a bit of a rant really but I'm interested to see if any others have been through a similar experience and what their thoughts about it are. It's a bit long but I tried to keep it to the minimum.

So before Christmas I met a girl in a club and we got chatting - unusually for a club we actually really hit it off and ended up chatting literally for ages and then kissing at the end. She gave me her number - work and mobile and I called her up a day or so later and we arranged to meet up.

Met up a few times over the next couple of weeks and got on really well, Now I try not to dive into things and got the impression she didn't either. I thought she was a fun, down to earth interesting girl and look forward to seeing her again.

Then all of a sudden she starts getting vague with her texts and I don't hear from her for a few days and when she did eventually text again she came across as a bit full of herself. I thought maybe she was just trying to be funny or something as she wasn't like that in person. The vagueness continues for a few days more and I just text her saying (in a non-dramatic easy-going way) that if she doesn't want to continue with this then that's OK as it was apparent now to me that something was definitely off.

She texts later(this was a Friday) something flippant back - avoiding the question and asks if I want to meet up for drinks - giving the name of a restaurant. My gut instinct was telling me something wasn't right but I agree to go. So I get there and it turns out to be her work Christmas dinner - she's 28, I'm 26 and everyone else there is a 40+ year old woman. I'm a little taken aback but sit down and try to be chatty etc.

The girl now tries to dominate any conversation that comes up and dictates to the waiting staff and comes off as completely arrogant - polar opposite of the person I met at the start and her co-workers kind of laugh at the rudeness of her antics.

A bit later I get a dig in the shin under the table when she wants to go. We leave together and hit a club, where she lands me with ''here's a hint, I like to keep things light!'' - I didn't exactly consider my text to be an ultimatum in the first place....She continues treating others around her with an attitude and then decides we need to see another of her friends in a bar down the road who is on a first date.

I have seriously mixed feelings at this stage but carry on anyway. We can't find the friend initially so we sit down and she becomes the girl I first met again - every things good for a while, then the friend and bf show and my girl wants to hit another club - by now she has had loads of g and t's and is well on - I'm OK but then the friend starts eyeing me like I'm some date-rapist and wants my girl to get the nite-link with her home. I couldn't care less at this stage tbh but my girl presses on to the next club leaving her friend and bf.

So I end up with her at the next club basically trying to make sure her bag and coat don't get nicked as she hits the dance floor completely polluted, then come finishing time we leave. I live very far away from where she lives - apologies in advance to any possible taxi-drivers reading this but I wasn't about to let her get a long taxi-ride home in her state.
I had hardly any cash left by now and offer to go with her home in a cab(she lives with her parents) with her giving me the cash to go home afterwards and I would pay her back later.

This goes down like a lead balloon and she suggests getting a hotel room, after much walking we eventually find a dingy hotel open and check in. I'm pretty worried about her at this stage given the serious amount of booze in her and leave her in the room to quickly get her a take-away and some water. I arrive back knocking on the door - she opens the door at the same time shouting down her mobile phone at someone and all but naked.
She is an attractive girl but in that situation was about as sexy as a homeless person who has just died on a park-bench from the cold. On top of that she was totally polluted and even had the situation been different I had no condoms anyway.

I just give her the food and water and go asleep. Next morning I wake up and cuddle her but she ends up being both weirdly willing and yet evasive at the same time. Her attitude from the previous night hadn't changed and she drops the odd condescending remark to me. So we part ways and I delete her numbers and face book link not expecting to contact her again. But after some time I just get curious about what the hell happened and message her on face book and eventually get a white-wash reply.

For whatever reason this experience has kind of bothered my ever since - I guess it's because the girl went from being really cool to being really a bit of a pleb over such a short space of time. - Anyone have any thoughts on this weird experience of mine and why it still bothers me?
Cheers.

mobilecore

Wow,
thats a very crazy story alright (not crazy crazy just one of those "weird" things )
First thing is first, I am a guy so I have to ask this .. she was naked. in a hotel room and you didnt have sex with her?! DUDE! :P but i see your only reason was lack of condoms lol.
Ok now thats out of the way. She sounds like ... I dunno how to describe her. Sounds like a bit of a head wrecker.

Im re-reading your story as I write. As for the part at the start where she went days without texting - thats usually a sign of "not that botherd" ... then coupled with the fact that when she asked you to meet up again to your suprise this was her christmas party. That pretty much confirms it.

As for all the antics she sounds like either a, shes not a good drunk or the old saying "it all comes out when a person is drunk" - not a nice girl from what you said. From all the personality changes she could be bipolar. You wouldnt know.

But from reading your story, i can come up with a few things:

- the girl who she was yelling at on the phone in the hotel was obviously the same mate in the pub who wanted to get a nightlink home with her. Kinda bitchy to treat a mate like that who is only looking to see if she was ok.
- a head-wrecker. No-one can stand rude people. Even rude people dont like when someone is rude to them, psssh.
- I feel the only reason she met up with you again is because she wanted to do her own thing after being at the christmas party for a bit. Show your face type of thing. You were used to go out with. My money was on that most mates were busy that night. Even confirmed by her saying her mate was on a date. Then she even went to that mate.
- My honest opinion? this is the profile of a head-wrecker and more importantly a user. I know you mightnt feel it, but you dodged a bullet. Best to see these qualites early in than after 6 months. When feelings might have developed.


As for why it stills bother you is most likely due to you not understand just what the hell was going on? I think she sounds like a b*tch but definitely a user.

unclecessna

Hey mobilecore - appreciate the response dude, and Lol about the naked thing! - I see your point but like I said at the time she just came off more pathetic than sexy tbh, you know when someone is so wasted you actually feel embarrased for them - that's what it was like, you had to be there to understand the feeling I guess..

You raise good points in your post - being honest they all passed through my mind at some stage since but when you are close to a situation it's hard to be completely objective and see the big picture like an outsider such as yourself can. - most of my friends are caught up in bigger issues at the moment so I didn't feel right throwing something trivial like this at them.

Cheers for the input and at least it makes for a good story!

kjl

I have to disagree with mobilecore, I definitely wouldn't have had sex with her in that state, with this kind of flip flop attitude she had, you never know what she would pin on you. You sound like a nice quite respectful person and she just sounds like an obnoxious b.i.t.c.h.

TBH it sounds to me like this girl has serious insecurity issues, trying to lord herself over you like she was gods gift, she sounds pretty horrible to me, and I would have ditched he well before this, if it was me I would have stuck her in a taxi and hoped for the best.

I don't think you did anything wrong here mate, so don't let this toxic person ruin who you are. I think a lot of irish girls need to take a chill pill and start acting a little nicer and a little less obnoxious.

Just forget about this girl, she didn't change, she just showed her true colours.

LegacyUser

This sounds like a complete fairy tale.

If you were unfortunate for this to actually happen to you then hard luck. Its clear the girl in question is a complete waste of space and not worth your time.

In my very humble opinion it sounds like an intricate fantasy. Thats just too much stuff for one half sensible person to put up with in one night. Anyway, best of luck to you either way

Victor

I'm allowing the last post, for the theory it puts forward, but the poster could do well to change the tone in future posts.

unclecessna wrote: »

the girl went from being really cool to being really a bit of a pleb over such a short space of time.

How much of this was down to alcohol / other substance abuse?

Cheap Thrills!

hmmyeah wrote: »

This sounds like a complete fairy tale.

I doubt it, I'd say OP would be able to come up with a better one than that! Plus I've seen all kinds of antics down the years from people which would be similar.

The girl sounds as though she was trying to act like a user. All her soundbytes 'I like to keep thing light' etc are so rehearsed. I think in her head she believes she is dangerous, irresistable and sexy. But as you say she just came off pathetic and weird.

She sounds very mixed up, sort of angry definitely. You behaved in a very gentlemanly way OP, she really didn't deserve it. You spending all your money on her and her carrying on like a psychotic gobsh1te.

In future, if anything like that happens don't be afraid to bow out early. You were in no way obliged to stay with her when you found she mislead you about the work do being a drink/date.

She is obviously unstable, add drink to the mix and she was loony.

gavney1

unclecessna wrote: »

Hey mobilecore - appreciate the response dude, and Lol about the naked thing! - I see your point but like I said at the time she just came off more pathetic than sexy tbh, you know when someone is so wasted you actually feel embarrased for them - that's what it was like, you had to be there to understand the feeling I guess..

I can totally relate man. I've been in a similar situation, when your relatively sober a horribly drunk girl really doesn't seem attractive. Also, she sounds like a complete headwrecker.

It's one of those things that sounds like "the perfect lads night" in your head, but when you're actually in the situation, it's completely different, and you'd rather go home and toss yourself off.

Anyway, I don't think you can have any regrets about this. And you at least know for definite what kind of girl you want in future - i.e. the complete OPPOSITE of this one!

FishFood

Have to say I don't know why it would bother you, the only thing it should do is give you a mild curiousity as to why she seemed to implode. You acted the ideal gentleman and had more patience then many other guys would have in that situation.

Firstly, big respect for making sure that she was alright when she was clearly out of it that night and even bigger respect for not taking advantage of a drunk girl when the opportunity was there. The amount of guys who would do that in that situation actually shocks and disgusts me.

Secondly I have to point out that you only met this girl on one night out in a club and in fairness that is not going to give you the most accurate idea of her personality as we all know we act different on certain nights out and when meeting people for the first time. So the 'change' as you put it, could simply be her reverting to her normal behaviour.

In the end you handled it well and should have absolutely nothing to regret or worry about, it didn't work in this instance so I suggest simply letting it go.

unclecessna

OP here, unfortunately it was no fairytale - wish it was as it would have saved me the hassle tbh...I could have padded my original post out with even further details of her antics but I didn't want it to become novel length.

Regarding the level of alcohol she took - I for one was not plying it into her, if anything I was trying to get her to ease off and I never even mentioned drugs.... I don't take drugs ever as a rule and I definitely did not see her taking drugs - guess it's possible that she could have in the bathroom.

Thanks for all the other replies anyway - at least I know it's not just me who would get bothered by that situation.

gavney1

unclecessna wrote: »

she opens the door at the same time shouting down her mobile phone at someone and all but naked.
She is an attractive girl but in that situation was about as sexy as a homeless person who has just died on a park-bench from the cold. On top of that she was totally polluted and even had the situation been different I had no condoms anyway.

The sad thing is, she probably thinks that you didn't want to have sex with her cause you don't fancy her. She probably isn't going to think it's cause she was too drunk

Maybe I'm wrong about that though. Either way, not your fault

KnocKnocKnock

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

All her soundbytes 'I like to keep thing light' etc are so rehearsed. I think in her head she believes she is dangerous, irresistable and sexy. But as you say she just came off pathetic and weird.

She sounds very mixed up, sort of angry definitely.

Agree with Cheap Thrills! here. Maybe she panicked and mistook herself acting down to earth and decent for being a walk over. So by giving orders to wait staff, cocky texts, attitudes to friends and "lines" like "I like to keep things light," she thought she was coming across as a confident, sassy, sexy lady who doesn't take any bullsh!t....but she was very much mistaken.
I think this bothers you because you have no answer as to why she did this. The answer I would give is that she was very insecure about scaring you off, she let her fear take over and ironically acted in a way that made her fears come true - a story to prove the "just be yourself" lesson if ever there was one! She has confidence issues, that's all, only she can sort it. You acted like a complete gent throughout the whole thing, you did much more than would be expected to make sure she was ok. I've seen many friends / acquaintances act like this with boyfriends/strangers, it's all about (trying) to give off an image of confidence and assertiveness and it shouldn't be bought into.

AnonMous

Sounds to me like she could have been on cocaine the night where she had the attitude. That's what some people are like after coke...condescending, giving orders etc.

I wouldn't dwell on the situation too much if I was you dude. Just put it down to experience and forget about her.

unclecessna

Appreciate the response Knock Knock Knock, and everyone else's. - Certainly from the time of the work party onwards it felt to me like she was putting on some kind of weird show or performance to impress people.
Then again as others have said that could have been her real personality just coming to the fore.

It also seemed to me that she felt in her own mind that she was pulling the strings with regard to me... On my end I actually felt like I was just babysitting a hyperactive little girl who needed protecting from herself.

She also seemed conflicted - on the one hand I think she wanted a boyfriend and on the other hand she just wanted to be a carefree 21 year old party-girl again.(she is 28 now)

As you say it was the seemingly overnight change in her personality that's had me scratching my head about it occasionally since.

krudler

There are some crazy people out there, chalk it down to that really. I met a girl who was a nice as you like until our second date where she tried to throw a drink at me because I waved back to a female friend who saluted me in a club and she didnt like that one bit

LegacyUser

As a woman,i am answering you straight there is loads of reasons why she may be like that but not a one i can think of that without an apology after is acceptable.Run for the hills,You are a proper gentleman and she is damn lucky you weren't a scum bag.She sounds like a spoilt rude bitch.She had not one ounce of respect for you.
Walk away lesson learned and that people first impressions do not always last.Dont even think about it again she is at fault and not one bit of you,but do not let it make you think that it will be next girl like that.You sound like a great person and she doesn't deserve someone decent.
I know a girl exactly like this and lunatic is only word for her.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm a female in my 20's and this girl sounds like a group of girls I had the unfortunate luck of being friends with for a couple of years. Totally rude and obnoxious, they thought they were a cut above the rest yet were out every weekend taking coke getting wasted drunk and having unprotected sex with strangers. But because they come from well to do families and dress nice and talk with fake D4 accents they think they can look down their nose at people. Seriously you have had a lucky escape, while these types of girls are some mens ideas of "hot" they aren't exactly marriage or girlfriend material.

unclecessna

Hi there, I think a few people have missed that we had gone out a few times before the melt-down night and she had been very nice - that's really where my confusion about the thing came from, otherwise I wouldn't have even given it a second thought.

Appreciate all the people here having taken the time out to give helpful and supportive responses - I'm just going to put this one to bed now and move forward.
Cheers