Arggh ever fancy your flatmate?!

LegacyUser

New flatmate moved in just a few weeks ago, 2 bed apartment so just me and her, I'm a bloke by the way. She is seriously cool, she was the soundest out of all the people I had over to view the place and in the end was the only one who asked for the room. I did notice (being a visual creature and all that she was pretty damn easy on the eye when she came around too. Then she asked for the room and we had to fill it fairly quick so that was it.

Thing is, it became very obvious very quickly how cool she is, she's sweet, really great company, just different to the girls I know and meet and great to be around and....yeah feck sake she is hot I have to say it! Now I know it's not a great idea to live with someone you fancy but as I said above she was the only one who wanted the room and it wasn't that I wanted her to move in cos I fancied her! But now, hmm, it's just the two of us and I catch myself making sideways (subtle) glances all the time when we're sitting watching tv etc...

Guess I'd just love to get people's input...whether this happened to you before, what happened, what you did if it did. Now I have no intention of trying anything (at least not while we're both sober and the last thing I'd ever want is to make someone I live with uncomfortable. Guess it'd just be nice to know if she felt anyway the same cos on the one hand it's like 'don't go there' but on the other it's like 'man you haven't met someone like this in yeaaarrrs and what if she gets with someone else' etc etc. We're both late twenties...

Argh!

Victor

First off, are you sure she's available?

LegacyUser

Tricky one boss. I know what you're saying at the end about seize the moment and all that. Maybe you haven't met anyone who ticks all the boxes in years. You'd hate to miss the boat or die wondering what could have been. I get that.

Other hand, shes a very new flatmate. You hitting on her ( i know you said you wouldn't try anything on) could very quickly lead her to thinking 'he let this room to me just to get his nuts'. Its a very, very tricky situation.

As said also, you 100% sure shes available.

If she is, what I'd do is casually enquire about he weekend plans/midweek plans even. You could always throw out the idea of going for a casual drink down the local (in a friendly way). If she knocks you back on that much then she probably isn't interested in spending time with you beyond being your flatmate. If she says yes then go for a drink and have a chat and get to know her a bit more. I think you'd certainly need to be seeing each other in more social situations than simply occupying the same living space to get a gauge on if she likes you in any way or not.

Thats just what I think. It's a tricky one though brother. I hope you work out what to do!

A girl moved into my house and I wanted to say - nice to meet you.

I said - lovely.

After a few seconds I saved embarrassment by saying - to meet you

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Just letting you know that this happened to my friend and she is now married to the guy, It also happened to her sister recently but that relationship is still early days!

Anyway, with the friend, she moved into the place where the guy was living. She said that she didn't notice him or fancy him at first, but then they started spending more time together watching TV stuff like that. She even found herdelf leaving work on time so she could spend more time at home. Eventually he asked her out...saying that he knew he was taking a risk but if all came to all one of them could move out. Let's just say they only needed one room after that.

Go for it, you have nothing to loose and everything to gain. Best of luck.

pronoiaparty

Next time you have a gathering around at yours see if one of your friends, preferably a female one, can get some insights into your flatmate through casual banter. Try and figure out if there is any interest there and if there is I would say definitely go for it. If you haven't felt this way about someone in years and the worst that could result is awkwardness (I doubt that if you are seen as a sensible person) there is nothing holding you back.

My only caveat is maybe you should get to know her a bit better. I know for a fact though that letting her slip through your fingers could be something you later seriously regret in your life.

JonathanAnon

fancyflatmate?! wrote: »

it's just the two of us and I catch myself making sideways (subtle) glances all the time when we're sitting watching tv etc...

oh man this brings me back. had a similar situation when I was sharing a house a few years ago.. Spent ages thinking about what to do, and eventually told her (stone cold sober) on the walk to college one day. She was mortified as she very obviously didnt give a sh1t about me. I'd known that she was gonna move out in about a month, so I told her before she moved out and I never saw her again.

Looking back, it was really just the fact that a) I wasnt seeing anybody b) wasnt doing well with the ladies at niteclubs and c) was spending way too much time looking at her during the break in Coronation Street. Wasnt really the fact that I was mad about her, just that she seemed the most obvious solution to an immediate problem..

It's an absolute minefield. Couples usually go out for ages before moving in together.. if she reciprocated would you still live together as a couple? What would you do if she knocked you back? Would she feel comfortable living with you if it went wrong? Messy messy situation. Be 100% sure you want to go out with this girl for a significant period of time before you make a move.

DentalPlan!

yeh thread carefully dude. last thing you want is an awkward atmosphere in the house.

however, look for signs that she might be interested but be careful not to interpret them! there are subtle ways to show someone you care without putting them on the spot. observe how she reacts to them

I think if yous are getting along fine, then if its meant to be it will happen naturally.

PS stay out of her underwear drawer when shes out!

LegacyUser

OP here again. Great replies thanks guys, keep them coming! Had to laugh at the stay out of her underwear drawer one!!

Can't believe I forgot to mention that she is single. It was funny cos I had an idea that she was cos no bf was mentioned and then she said she was spending Valentines Day with her best friend! She is actually not from Ireland - eastern Europe - but has been living here for years. So I was fairly happy when I found that out! Valentines Day was the Sunday then and as we had been talking about new films that were out I casually suggested heading to the cinema and she was up for it straight away. So we ended up going cinema just the two of us Valentines night.

The thing is - she is a really open and friendly person so I reckon I don't want to read into things too much and mistake them for something else.

The other thing I am conscious of is being seen as a 'friend' ? - I mean it's prob not an issue as I don't act too 'friend-like'...I actually kinda take the p&iss and tease her a lot in a good way - and she does the same to me a fair bit too! We're getting on like a house on fire really...

mood

How interested are you? If you want a relationship with her go for it but if you only want a quick fling it's not worth it. Get to know her better but think about what you will do if you do get together i.e. will you live together or will one of you move out.

BumbleB

opagain wrote: »

OP here again. She is actually not from Ireland - eastern Europe - but has been living here for years.

The thing is - she is a really open and friendly person so I reckon I don't want to read into things too much and mistake them for something else.

I was actually in the very same situation a few years ago .2 absolutely hot ukraine girls moved in with me ,one was single she was blonde very fit etc.I was into her but didn't know if it was reciprocated .

Even when I was out in the local club ,absolute strangers used to come up and ask me if I was with her .

My friends used to slag me about the whole thing.Anyhow we used to do the food shopping together (and have a lot of fun doing it) and I honestly thought I was in the LJBF bracket until I went out drinking with her ended up on the dancefloor she was an incredible dancer and it all went off from there.

Anyhow it would of worked out pretty well but her friend did everything to cockblock the situation ? and the girl ended moving out because she got a job closer to the city.

The funny thing when she moved out,the other girl stayed ,and in the next few weeks she had a friend called natalie from moscow, (who was the absolute spit of anna kournikova) and she used to be always up at the house .I got on very well with her also ,she used to invite me to parties drink vodka straight ,aargh !!! and I thought I was just in the LJBF again until another night out.Anyhow this time we did end up going out for a while and it was a nice experience.

But what I've learned from my experience that our cultures are completely different and it will be something you will have to get used to if you want to go ahead with this.


I would say play it cool and see what happens.

RobbieTheRobber

fancyflatmate?! wrote: »

Guess I'd just love to get people's input...whether this happened to you before, what happened, what you did if it did. Now I have no intention of trying anything (at least not while we're both sober and the last thing I'd ever want is to make someone I live with uncomfortable. Argh!

I have no real advice to tell you what to do in this situation but i have a dont do advice.


If you do decide to make a move on this girl please dont do it while drunk, if things go wrong this will make things a lot more uncomfortable than if you do it will sober and with enough sense to spot the signals if she is not interested, and pull your exit strategy.

tim0ney

That exact thing happened to me! Except we had been living together for 8 or so months before things happened - we've been going out two years now and it's still awesome! Best of luck mate:)

LisaMe

My sister went out with her housemate for a long time... I don't think living together caused any problems.

I guess as other people said, be friends first and maybe hang out together outside of the house more and more and see how things go!!

barleybooley

Hi OP

Not quite the same but nearly! When I was in second year in college I lived in a house that was literally 2 seconds away from a good friend of mine from home and another guy I knew so I used always be down there and them in mine. They had a housemate who i never met before but who I instantly hit it off with and we ended up spending all evening, every evening together. Six months later pretty much out of the blue, he kissed me, completely sober, and two years on we're still together. Maybe you should give it a while, make sure you really do like her and if it goes belly up at least you won't regret not trying. You only live once so make the most of it! Best of luck

G-Money

OP, I was in a similar boat last year. I shared an apartment with two others, a guy and a girl, and the girl was foreign too. When I moved in I suppose I wasn't mad into her straight away or anything. She was attractive but for whatever reason, I sort of just wasn't really into her in that way.

We got on quite well and after a number of months, I found myself starting to like her, but as with your situation, I had no idea if she was interested in me. She'd often knock on my door and come into my room to chat about stuff and she never seemed to do that with the other guy.

At one stage I was sort of seeing a girl and brought her over one day and introduced her to my housemate and I swear, my housemate almost appeared hurt/disappointed when she seen her. Maybe I was just imagining it or something. Later that night the girl was in my room and my housemate was telling me to bring this box of sweets she had down to her etc (in a romantic sense, not a "ask her if she'd like one of these sweets" sense). Once or twice after that the housemate asked if I was meeting up with that girl again and stuff. I should also point out that the girl was convinced that the housemate fancied me.

Anyway time went on and I didn't make a move and I found myself starting to like her more. She asked me to drive her into town one evening for a night out and as we were leaving, we somehow got to talking about a bar/club that I like. She said "my work has drinks there most Fridays, you should come along sometime". I kind of wasn't sure what this meant. I couldn't tell if she was just being friendly or if she was basically asking me out. I was thinking that she didn't have to tell me her company had drinks there, so she could have said nothing and I'd never have known.

Shortly after this there was a film out that I was interested in seeing but she wasn't really into. After a while it had got good reviews and she asked me had I been to see it yet and I said I hadn't. She said she'd heard it had good reviews and if I hadn't been to see it yet, she'd go with me, but not to stop if I was going to see it that weekend (I was heading home that weekend).

So I was totally confused as to whether she was just being friendly, or asking me out. A friend of mine who's foreign also says that the irish mentality is a bit different to others. She said if she asked a guy to the cinema in her home country it wouldn't necessarily be thought of as a date, it could just be as friends. But here it's automatically sort of assumed to be a date. So I had this thought in my head too.

I didn't really know what to do. She rarely spoke about other guys to me which I took as a hint that she hadn't put me into the friend zone, but at the same time I didn't know whether she was into me. She would quite often come into my room to chat. One particular night she was ready for bed and came into my room to leave back some dvd she had borrowed and she was wearing the skimpiest of tops and a pair of pj bottoms and she was practically bursting out of her top (she has big boobs). I know she was probably a bit tired, but it was like "holy f***" and I couldn't imagine her somehow forgetting what she was wearing.

After all of this I didn't know what to do. I imagined asking her out but I wasn't sure how much I was into her. I didn't know if I was just bored as I was going through a dry spell and this seemed like the obvious solution. I knew as well if I asked her and she said no, I'd have to move out. I was already in the situation where I hated the thoughts of her bringing some guy back to the point where I'd avoid being there at weekends.

In the end I found myself losing interest and I'd decided to get my own place anyway so I never made a move.

It's really up to you what you do, but it will be super f*****g awkward if she says no. I'm not saying you shouldn't go for it, but make sure you have several backup plans in place and have thought through what you will do if she says no. Are you going to have to move out? Will she? What will you do when she brings some guy back?

One thing I'd keep in mind is whether what you might consider a date, she might consider just going along as housemates/friends. I reckon if she was irish, there'd be no misunderstanding but I think when you bring foreigners into the equation, there's a good chance what you'd consider a date, they'd consider to be completely platonic. Plus when it's a housemate, there's almost an assumption already that you's are friends and maybe she will just look at it as an extention of that and not think of it as a date.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

LegacyUser

I know 2 people that this happened to. One guy got married last Summer. The other guy is getting married next Summer.

fasty

I'm dating a girl that was originally my housemate and it's great! She found somewhere else to live as a result, but really I'm so happy.

Just be careful that she's not just being friendly! That happens too, you know!

Dave!

Mate of mine ended up getting with a housemate, they stayed together about 2 years I think. Broke up there a few weeks ago over unrelated matters.

Go for it

doubtfir3

I've ended up sleeping with a housemate for a short fling. Went OK.

Got on fantastically with another in college and secretly lusted after her - never quite having the balls to say it to her. She went to Dublin on Co-Op and basically poured it all out to her about 4am when drunk.. not a good move and was "gently" let down..

A while later met another housemate and hit it off immediately. We got on great and we ended up going out for about 7 months after which she returned to France.. I was gutted for a while and still sometimes think about what would have happened if I had gone with her or she had managed to stay (she wanted to but couldn't).

Wouldn't have changed anything about these three situations and how they came about.

All in all, best advice I can give you is to wait a while to make sure she's not just a super friendly person who gets on with everyone.. see how you get on for another while.. and then tell her - not over dinner in a restaurant, not in the cinema, not in the pub.. sit and tell her at home when you're not plastered drunk.

If its meant to be then she will reciprocate.. if not at least you'll know. If she moves out or you do then its not the end of the world.. you'll move on!

LegacyUser

Grandmaster - oh man that girl was mad for ya why didn't you get in there??! Thanks for sharing the story.

Oh man, we were sitting in tonight again just watching TV, me teasing her over this and that and just having a laugh together and she seems to get more gorgeous by the day!!

I am grateful for all the advice on here and the stories, more of the same please! I think that what I am taking from it is prob what I would have realised myself - play it cool and see how it goes. If it's gonna happen it'll happen as it won't be for lack of opportunity.

We were both out last Friday night (with different groups) and I dropped her a text round 9pm just saying 'oh look I've ended up out drinking again' (I had been saying during last week that I was gonna take it easy at weekend and of course ended up not doing that!) and didn't hear anything back which was grand as it wasn't like I asked her a question or anything. Got home round 1am then and went to bed soon after. Woke up next morning and there was a text from her - 'we are still in town if you'd like to join us (smiley face). It was just her and her friend in town at that point. This was sent at 4.30 am!

castle

First thing do not make her feel uneasy(not her fault she so hot)
Now the things to think about, Did she take room cause maybe she thought you were quite alright(but don't get to excited),
It could be just a crush,fad,type of thing that you will get over in a few weeks.
Now if it is the real thing, then don't play games, just say to her that you think she is cool and if you had met her through other means you would already have asked her out.
Now don't do it drunk be a man, you have not fallen in love with her just falling for her. Tell her that would did not want her to feel uneasy but you thought it best to be honest.
Now she might have same feeling (that would be great) but even if she did it does not mean she is ready to live with her BF(get the picture)so she might have to move out but still be your GF(sounds nice).
But if she does not feel the same then no real harm done as you were mature about it, she in time might have feeling for you if she does not already, I think she likes you

liamw

Why are you all so against experimenting after a few drinks?

I think it's quite a good idea.
1. It allows you to openly flirt, gradually push your presence and look for tell tale signs of attraction
2. Inhibitions are lowered - she might feel exactly the same way and by using certain techniques you can figure out if she's interested
3. If you f**k up and all goes wrong, you can always make a joke about it the next day and apologise and put it down to you being a little drunk.

LegacyUser

liamw wrote: »

Why are you all so against experimenting after a few drinks?

I think it's quite a good idea.
1. It allows you to openly flirt, gradually push your presence and look for tell tale signs of attraction
2. Inhibitions are lowered - she might feel exactly the same way and by using certain techniques you can figure out if she's interested
3. If you f**k up and all goes wrong, you can always make a joke about it the next day and apologise and put it down to you being a little drunk.

Heheh couldn't agree more. Pretty sure it's that people just reckon you're gonna hit on her and be all over her but if it's case of two people having a few drinks together, then maybe a few more and something happening naturally it can be a very easy way for it to let things happen as - as you say - inhibitions are down and if something is meant to happen then there's a greater chance for sure.