Good friend urgently needs help, what to do...

LegacyUser

A close friend (whom I've know for a long time) has over the past few years (in summary) developed signs of alcoholism, lack of confidence, engaged in self destructive patterns and has tried to commit suicide. They live alone, have no partner and a family that is not very understanding. Post their attempt to commit suicide they did receive counseling and brief treatment for alcohol abuse. They went off the drink for a few months and then went back again with full force. Some days when I'm at work I will get text messages asking me to join them later for a few drinks where they will probably have a day off and will have been drinking since about 8am and plan on continuing until they fall asleep that night. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them because underneath it all I am dealing with a very good person who has been a great friend for many many years and I don't want to insult them or make them feel judged. This has become more of a problem lately because they are now failing to turn up to work because of drink and have gone in to work having only given a handful of hours to detox. If they lose their job, they will be in trouble.

When under the influence they are ready to "talk" and do nothing but call themselves degrading names, a real showcase for the state of their confidence. Yet while sober, which is becoming a rare occasion these recent weeks, they shut the door to conversation and want to change the subject. Yes it's hard, but this person has been a great friend and I want to help them, because recently I spoke to them while under the influence as they had made contact with me via text which made me suspicious that they were going to do some real harm to themselves....a cry for help!. They are crying out for help and I believe they need it. They will admit lots while under the influence, but play the "ah sure everything will be fine" card when sober.

I personally am used to alcoholics, having grown up in a family with one, but I am not a counselor or professional in the field. What I am looking for here I suppose is some sort of pointer as to what would be the best thing I could do. Galway would be closest to us, so if there was something in that area that would help that would be great. I believe my friend has real underlying issues that were never tackled. These issues seem to be getting worse as they get older and despite alcoholism also existing in their family, I strongly believe this person needs more than to be just told "Right!, No more drink for you" and expect all the problems to go away, which I definitely know they won't.

I would go with them to meetings or guide them, or is there somewhere that I could go to get advice to help them. I know alcoholism is rampant in Ireland, but I don't think that drink is 100% of the problem in this case, yet it's what my friend calls the problem. I think they only say that because what "is" wrong, would probably be a bigger can of worms.

RedXIV

Reading over that OP, All I can say is that if they are that good a friend from the past, I would put their welfare over their feelings and let them know bluntly whats going on. I'd like to think if I was on a destructive streak that my friends would have the strength to stand up to me and to make me see what I was doing.

It's not an easy option, I'll admit but it's what I'd do. If you don't think thats an option, there are usually a good number of support groups out there, for example, your local AA would have good resources you could investigate.

People don't like being told that they are in a rut or they have a problem, even if they know it. But it's like ripping off a plaster, you can go softly softly and drag the pain and tension out or rip it off with no messing about and get it over and done with.

You don't have to take my advice now, and I know this is hard so I do wish you all the best with this

force majeure

Don't rush things here, take an nice easy approach and build up to having a proper talk about things in general not starting with the obvious as speaking as a former alki being hit on the head about drink is not the way to go about it.
Their is a handful off ways to go about getting pro's to help but they along with the AA well only work if your friend is willing to let them.
So just stay on terms here and plan the next 4 weeks or so around getting them to talk, preferably at home on the sofa in the afternoon with a nice bag off galaxy bubbles to see you through.