What's acceptable to give up for a relationship

LegacyUser

Have wanted to post this a few times but didn't because I don't want to be specific about what I'm talking about - other half posts to these boards daily.

I'm going to have to be somewhat vague and generic so apologies for it - I was curious what is acceptable to people to give up for the good of their relationship. For instance career, what if you believe the career you are following will get in the way of your relationship due to time requirements, up until recently I've been 100% willing to give it up but for the fear that I'll resent my OH because of it in the long-term and then also I get the slight impression that certain things I might be willing to give up my OH wouldn't.

I've no actual definative evidence that my OH wouldn't be so willing to give things up but there are a few small things that have started to peek their heads out in terms of her attitude to getting where she wants to get in her career. For example, her job at the minute sometimes has led to her not seeing me to get things done and I've been fine with understanding that but when my work has meant I've had to not see her she puts on a little guilt trip about it as if I'm choosing work over her. She's done the odd other thing where she'd tell me she'd never take on with certain work but then on a whim just decides to do it, nothing major but it's created this feeling in me that what she says and what she does don't match. It's a bunch of little things like that that are starting to make me think a little more about keeping myself and my future safe and be less willing to put things off or on hold for the relationship.

Just to say, we're in late 20's, overall the relationship is healthy, we're great together, lots of her friends have told her she's never seemed happier in a relationship etc.

Has anyone seen similar sort of little signs that eventually led to someone basically fobbing them off for their career - there are a lot of things I could be doing at the moment in terms of work/promotion that I don't so we have more time together but I don't want to be left like the idiot who's stuck somewhere in life because they put something on hold for someone else who just headed off themselves.

Cheap Thrills!

Very astute observations OP.

You are dead right to be watching her carefully if her words and actions are mismatched.

When I saw the title of the thread I was thinking to myself 'what does he mean? no-one is obliged to give up anything for their relationship' but I get what you are saying.

her job at the minute sometimes has led to her not seeing me to get things done and I've been fine with understanding that but when my work has meant I've had to not see her she puts on a little guilt trip about it as if I'm choosing work over her.

Well spotted, quite hypocritical and sneaky and subtly done.

I would suggest to you to resume doing exactly what you need and want in terms of work and if she passes any snidey comments just baldly state what you said above.

Don't ever fall into the trap of allowing anyone to guilt trip you when you've done nothing wrong.

The girl could be doing these things unconsciously, but thats still no excuse, you need to point it out. If she is actually doing it consciously beware, red flag, manipulator.