Am I trying to hard to impress?

newbie91

Ok so there is this girl I like.
I have asked her out and she said she is busy at the moment but will get back to me on that one. I feel she may like me back but she is just shy and thats quite normal, so I accept that.

I usually try to impress her by say cleaning the dishes when the two of us are in a filthy kitchen. Other times I just act nice to other people around us and to her by saying "excuse me" and "my apologies go straight ahead" and simple stuff like that.

I texted her one day she was feeling sick to say I hope she would get better and she replied and said "thank you that was very nice of you". I find it weird but I can't find other ways of impressing, not yet anyway.

I try to make her laugh as well though I have very moderate humour (nothing too hilarious but still has its touch). I say things like "I played with Team Laois and when Team Dublin were losing I said that I am so gonna hate to see my home county losing".

Am I trying too hard cause I feel kinda lost?

Angus Og

Yes, you might be trying to hard. The attention might even be making her uncomfortable. Take a step back, and let her have some time to think about it. Don't force a relationship beyond its natural boundaries.

newbie91

In what way am I giving her too much attention? I think I see where you're going with my question.

newbie91

newbie91 wrote: »

Ok so there is this girl I like.
I have asked her out and she said she is busy at the moment but will get back to me on that one.

what sort of answer is that? its the sort of answer you get if you asked her to quote a building job or something. lol.
you might be trying a bit too hard. ease off and get your game going with few other women. she might realise she cant pick you off whenever she wants then

ManOfMystery

What you've posted above is nothing more than chit chat. It's what males and females do. I don't see anything in there that would lead her to think you're romantically interested.

However ...... you DID ask her out, and she said she was too busy. Sorry to be harsh, but that sounds like a 'no' in my book. If a girl wants to go out with you, and you ask her out, she'll say yes. If she's as shy as you say she is, she likely said she was busy as an excuse because she felt uncomfortable saying no.

Angus Og

I usually try to impress her by say cleaning the dishes when the two of us are in a filthy kitchen. Other times I just act nice to other people around us and to her by saying "excuse me" and "my apologies go straight ahead" and simple stuff like that.

I try to make her laugh as well though I have very moderate humour (nothing too hilarious but still has its touch). I say things like "I'm not a great singer but at least I am better than John and Edward" or "I played with Team Laois and when Team Dublin were losing I said that I am so gonna hate to see my home county losing".

Stuff like that. I agree that you are trying too hard to impress. Some people find the attention uncomfortable. She knows you like her, but you might have to let her open up first. I'm talking from experience when I say that some people feel pressured easily, even when that was never the intention of their admirer.

I could also say that maybe she doesn't have romantic feelings for you, but I'm going by what you are saying.

Kicks

You sound like a really good bloke and you're heart is in the right place but girls can actually get a little creeped out by a guy being too nice - I don't like saying this but it can also come across as desperate too which is a big turn off.

The stuff about "excuse me go right ahead" - the fact that you're posting that sounds sounds like you're forcing it all way too much, that's nothing major at all to say, loads of guys do that and it's just normal everyday stuff.

I'd back off, be yourself and don't be too worried if you don't end up dating this girl. You sound like a decent bloke and will find someone who'll appreciate that.

newbie91

Angus Og wrote: »

Stuff like that. I agree that you are trying too hard to impress. Some people find the attention uncomfortable. She knows you like her, but you might have to let her open up first. I'm talking from experience when I say that some people feel pressured easily, even when that was never the intention of their admirer.

I could also say that maybe she doesn't have romantic feelings for you, but I'm going by what you are saying.

I want to let her make the first move but I am not absolutely sure she likes me more than a friend. I was told from my best friends (who would never lie to me) that while I was not around she said I was a really nice guy.

Angus Og

As Kicks said, you are really nice. If your best friend said that, it's probably true, but how good is your friend at recognising the 'more than friends' hints? She was speaking the obvious, but you would be better off waiting for a stronger hint.

As other people have said, a guy like you will probably have more than one girl taking notice. They might take more notice if they think she is out of the picture.

newbie91

newbie91 wrote: »

I want to let her make the first move but I am not absolutely sure she likes me more than a friend. I was told from my best friends (who would never lie to me) that while I was not around she said I was a really nice guy.

like above poster said, you sound like a nice bloke. perhaps too nice. get your game going with other women like i said earlier and don't get too caught up pursuing her. To be frank i think her answer was probably a 'no' but don't take it personally as there could be thousands of reasons she is not interested in a relationship which may have nothing to do with you personally. personally i think if she is young free and single she is mad not to be interested but then women visualise men in 3 categories;

• the ones they ride as a once off(very rare),
• the ones they marry,
• the ones they think they can change

she might see you as a 'one to marry' but wants try other blokes first before getting into anything too serious

hertz

OP, I agree with sunflower27, you are trying to hard. You did the right thing by asking this girl out, you were direct and showed confidence which is good. This girl will remember that and if she doesn't act on it it is her loss. If she is interested she will get back to you or mention it to you when you meet next.

unclecessna

Hi OP, I know that you mean well but nobody likes to be pressured and trying to hard to impress in this scenario is the same as trying to pressure someone into liking you more than they actually do when you think about it.

To continue to try impressing her would be like p1ssing into the wind unfortunately..

When someone says they are busy and may get back to you after you ask them out, in my experience it means - maybe if the situation were different and I liked you more than I do then I might consider it - She could be already hung up on someone else for a long time now already - who knows but the point is she has made the decision not to accept your invitation by giving you that response.

Don't worry about it - happens to everyone and usually much more than once.

My advice for what it's worth is just to relax and be yourself from now on, make a concious effort to stay busy to keep your mind off this girl and sooner or later you will meet a girl who will be happy to go out with you and by then you won't even give this current girl another thought.

She is not a bad person and you are not a bad person - you just happend to get the curveball this time.

tunguska

ManOfMystery wrote: »

What you've posted above is nothing more than chit chat. It's what males and females do. I don't see anything in there that would lead her to think you're romantically interested.

However ...... you DID ask her out, and she said she was too busy. Sorry to be harsh, but that sounds like a 'no' in my book. If a girl wants to go out with you, and you ask her out, she'll say yes. If she's as shy as you say she is, she likely said she was busy as an excuse because she felt uncomfortable saying no.

Id have to agree with Man of mystery on this one. Girls who like you dont say "I'll get back to you" when you ask them out. Thats her way of avoiding the awkwardness of saying no. Cut your losses dude and walk away, no girl is worth throwing your dignity away over.