Insecure for no Reason, Why?

LegacyUser

I suppose a quick question.
I am a very confident person. I am good at sports, don't mind being the center of attention and aren't afraid to speak my mind. I am very content with myself also.
Yet when it comes to my girlfriend I am so insecure. I get so worried when shes meeting with her male friend, I dont like her going out and flip when guys try flirt with her.
Is there anyway to work on this? I'm not an insecure person but when it comes to my girlfriend I am. Or is this just jealously? Shes never cheated and never shown reason to and is not the type of person to cheat so i dont understand why I feel so insecure.

stephen_n

insecure?1 wrote: »

I suppose a quick question.
I am a very confident person. I am good at sports, don't mind being the center of attention and aren't afraid to speak my mind. I am very content with myself also.
Yet when it comes to my girlfriend I am so insecure. I get so worried when shes meeting with her male friend, I dont like her going out and flip when guys try flirt with her.
Is there anyway to work on this? I'm not an insecure person but when it comes to my girlfriend I am. Or is this just jealously? Shes never cheated and never shown reason to and is not the type of person to cheat so i dont understand why I feel so insecure.

Insecurity comes in many forms and some of the most outwardly confident people in the world are deeply insecure. Sounds like you insecurity around your girlfriend though is very specific. You have said you have no reason to doubt her so therefore it is an irrational fear, one thing you can do is try and record the exact thoughts you have leading to these feelings of insecurity. If you can see the repeating patterns in your thought process through journaling them then you may be able to change them and therefore avoid the insecurity!

Uriel.

There are always reasons for these feelings. There may appear to be none on the surface etc... but there is usually something there. An incident from a previous relationship? an incident from a relationship of people that are close to you (parents etc...)?

You need to take a step back and think about it if you can and analyse what leads to these feelings.

Small bits of jelousy and/or insecurity are fine in relationships but to much and it will eventually lead to disaster. You need to nip this in the bud before it goes too far.

LegacyUser

I've never (knowingly) been cheated on in the past by any previous girlfriends.

I suppose what had a huge effect on me was reading an article published by a highly regarded professor on human nature that stated that monogamous relationships aren't natural to women and this causes many women to cheat. I read another article about how women during times when they are trying to have a baby with their partner have been known to cheat in order to create sperm competition and that women never admit this but it is a sub concious thing they naturally do. That really scared the bejaysus at of me
you wonder maybe women cheat but people never admit it. Maybe were living a lie and monogamous relationships dont exist.

Uriel.

You are diving into very philosophical and psychological theory there.

It's not really a place for a "lay" person to go (and I mean that with all due respect).

The mind and human nature have been studied since the dawn of time probably and while we know a lot, there are still many, many mysteries. Some will never be solved.

If you research the details of the topic that you have read, you will find that there will be thousands of research topics, conclusions, opinions etc... relating to it and each will have very different angles and conclude different things.

Every person and therefore every relationship is unique. Yes there are similarities between people, groups of people, cultural societies etc.. etc... but life experience, uniquely moldes individuals.

You really can't lead your life based on a study that you have read. While you might find some applicable thoughts/ideas in a study, none will fit with you or your OH 100%. Unless of course, the study is comprehensively carried out on you two (individually and together). Such studies take years and may not throw up all the answers.

Seriously, you need to move on from this... open your mind to the current situation with the two of you and base your feelings etc... on that... stop reading these kind of studies if you can't objectively assess them in your own context (again I say that with all respect).

stephen_n

insecure?1 wrote: »

I've never (knowingly) been cheated on in the past by any previous girlfriends.

I suppose what had a huge effect on me was reading an article published by a highly regarded professor on human nature that stated that monogamous relationships aren't natural to women and this causes many women to cheat. I read another article about how women during times when they are trying to have a baby with their partner have been known to cheat in order to create sperm competition and that women never admit this but it is a sub concious thing they naturally do. That really scared the bejaysus at of me
you wonder maybe women cheat but people never admit it. Maybe were living a lie and monogamous relationships dont exist.

Well you seem to have got caught into a very black and white way of thinking. Your not seeing your girlfriend as who she is but seeing her as part of a bigger statistic, maybe when your thinking kicks into this cycle you could re-direct your thinking to focus on your GF as the individual she is. Starting by thinking of the things that make her unique to you, anything that will make you think of her and not those broad statistics!

Kimia

Op don't believe everything you read -

"....that stated that monogamous relationships aren't natural to women and this causes many women to cheat"

This is actually offensive. I have never cheated on anyone and am happier than I have been in my life now that I'm with my partner (in a totally monogamous relationship). These kinds of statements are thrown about now and again and it angers me to think that people actually believe them blindly and then assume that their partner is cheating on them.

I could say the same thing about men but it would be stupid and non-sensical (and untrue obviously).

As Stephen said (great post btw) treat your girlfriend like the individual she is, not a statistic.