How to liven things up?

ash23

OK, need some ideas here folks because it's been a while since I was in this game

Basically I've been seeing a new guy for about 6 weeks. It's going well, we get on great, he's gorgeous and lovely BUT (and there's always a but) it's getting a bit stale.
Nothing major, we're just getting very comfortable with each other which is fantastic in some ways, I can really be myself.
But we're both busy people. I can't go out much because of my daughter and babysitting issues so we usually end up staying in, chatting, watching tv. He can't stay the night either so it always tends to be "what time is it?" and it's nearly like we're trying to fit everything into a few hours.

Anyway, all this is lovely. But it's getting a bit dull I feel. It's not him, it's not me, it's just the situation. He's not really used to being in a relationship so he's fairly relaxed about the whole thing. I don't want to scare him off by saying I'm getting bored but something needs to change.

I'm probably not explaining myself very well. I don't want grand romantic gestures, I'm happy with simple things. I like sitting and chatting and cuddling up on the sofa. But not all the time.

Anyway, any ideas? What can I do to liven things up?
(Bearing in mind finances and babysitting time is restricted - we usually see each other during the week for a few hours after the kiddo is in bed).

Uriel.

As a matter of interest, how come you don't see each other at weekends?

To say that something is a bit stale after just 6 weeks is worrying but I can appreciate the constraints in terms of having a child and finances etc...

To be honest, I think the only answer, if you are interested in this working in the medium term is to do your best to get out places more. Meals out etc... even early bird stuff should be very do able these days (great offers out there) - I mean that from a finances view point, I appreciate the difficulty in terms of your child etc...

Is there anyone who can take care of your child one evening a week - relative etc...? That would be good even if this guy wasn't in the picture - some "me" time is really important.

LegacyUser

Don't understand why he can't stay the night either? How old is he?

ash23

Uriel. wrote: »

As a matter of interest, how come you don't see each other at weekends?

To say that something is a bit stale after just 6 weeks is worrying but I can appreciate the constraints in terms of having a child and finances etc...

To be honest, I think the only answer, if you are interested in this working in the medium term is to do your best to get out places more. Meals out etc... even early bird stuff should be very do able these days (great offers out there) - I mean that from a finances view point, I appreciate the difficulty in terms of your child etc...

Is there anyone who can take care of your child one evening a week - relative etc...? That would be good even if this guy wasn't in the picture - some "me" time is really important.

We usually see each other friday nights as thats when the child is with my ex. Can't meet up during the day as I've the wee 'un and I don't really get to go out on saturday/sunday nights because of paying for sitters.
Then during the week he'd usually call over 2 evenings.
We didn't go out last friday night as I had my parents staying and we can't this week as my ex isn't taking the child. Then next week on friday I have plans the friday night. So it's going to be an age since we actually went out somewhere together

I don't know, I knew dating with a child was going to be hard but this is much harder than I thought. I don't want to neglect my friends and family in order to spend time with him. But i'm struggling to fit everything in.
The thing is that he is quite happy to chill out at mine as his evenings are very full usually so he's happy. But i'm not. But it's my doing not his. There's nothing he can do differently because it's on my timing and my say so.

This sucks

ash23

Unregistered wrote: »

Don't understand why he can't stay the night either? How old is he?

It's not about him. It's because I have a child who lives with me and I don't want them meeting yet.

LegacyUser

Could your parents not take your child one night during the week? You do need to get out more. Do you always have to pay for sitters - is there no one that might mind your child and you could return the favour?
Of course he is going to love sitting in with you at the moment - it's all new and your are probably in the honeymoon period. But he will get bored with this too - you should talk to him about it and see if you can come up with a solution together.
What about meeting early evening for a coffee even, in a neutral venue - and both going home seperately? Just for an hour here or there - you'd still get to see him but wouldn't resent the fact that he sits around at your place all the time.
Or what about you even going to his place - sometimes even changing the venue (although still sitting in) can feel better.

Uriel.

Hi Ash,

I do understand the difficulties alright.

Is there any chance your ex could (and if your willing) take your child an extra night every couple of weeks or any chance your parents could do some babysitting on a saturday night, even once a month or something?

Unfortunately, I think this is a problem that you will probably run into again with an future love interests... in some ways, I think the only solutions are probably on your side of the "relationship" and I know there doesn't seem like there are any solutions there at the moment.

It is a tough situation alright. You seem like you have a close relationship with your family - them coming over and you stating you don't want to neglect them.. I think that's perhaps the best solution there - family support?

ash23

My family are amazing but they aren't local unfortunately.

There's tension between myself and the ex, it's a loooong story but basically the one night a week is the way things are and will be for the foreseeable future.

It's not going to happen this week but maybe next week I'll try and get someone to take her for a night and just get out for dinner or something.

I guess it just feels very early on to be sitting in every evening, drinking tea lol.
He's a lovely guy and has the patience of a saint in terms of my schedule so I really want to make this work.

Anyone know of stuff we could do in the house that would be interesting (and NO, I don't mean that :P)

Uriel.

Well, it's an unfortunate situation but best of luck with it. There's nothing that can't be done.

Loads of things to do - People (particularly adults) don't play board games as much these days - they are great fun and something different. Try some of those.

have a night out, in. Cook a meal or have him cook a meal or better, cook one together - can be great fun and then you can have a sit down and be all romancy etc... over a glass of wine.

Baking together can also be fun (cupcakes, etc.) and you'll also have a treat for your daughter the next day (if you don't eat all the treats yourself )

Multiplayer computer games can also be fun.