When 2 tribes go to war....

talla10

Hi, Myself and my OH got engaged over a year ago and decided fairly early on a 2012 wedding and have only recently started looking at venue's, doing up numbers etc. I'm from Dublin and She is from Galway and wants the Wedding in Galway on June Bank Holiday at a certain church she likes.

That was all fine until we invited both sets of parents to come along one day to look at the three venue's we had narrowed our search down to. These were Galway Bay, Salthill Hotel and ClareGalway. My family, her parents and i were most impressed with Galway Bay but my OH hates the idea of two weddings at one venue. She loved the Claregalway and we decided for there as it was what she wanted. Her parents have come around to the idea and like this hotel but my parents dont like it at all.

They feel bringing ppl to Galway and not bringing them to bay is a shame also mentioned photographs and basically they feel the ClareGalway is an average not too special Hotel wheras the Galway Bay has the WOW factor. My parents also said guests would not stay in one function room in ClareGalway as its on same level as main bar (Galway Bay its down stairs) and as such the wedding will have guests scattered. My OH wants to have something on next night and again my parents reckon many will go home from ClareGalway.

These are good points but i am able to take people's opinions and then do what i want but my OH is completly going mad raging How dare they comment?they can go to Hell (ive cleaned it up) Etc and is now adamant there is no wedding abd is refusing to speak to my parents. I have no intention of moving venue and my parents said they have given their opinion and they wont mention it again and its up to us. How do i get OH to calm down and move on or would other brides to be react in the same way and if so any advice??please...

cyning

Oh jeez... okay my mother in law to be can drive me a bit mad. She is neurotic about cleaning: so much so that she can come into my house and start cleaning. But theres a line she doesn't cross: I'm mindful of her feelings and I love my fiancee and don't freak when she tells me I should wash my floors twice a day! AND i always remember she is very good to us and my own mother can drive me mad too!

But my wedding is different: our venue has a stairs to the function room and she thinks its a "bad idea". I listened told her I didn't agree and then we booked it anyway (not least because he works there!) I haven't heard about it since: and thats the way it should be :rolleyes:

But if your OH is freaking at this stage and saying there will be no wedding and is refusing to speak to your parents that is COMPLETELY unreasonable! Every one has some tension at some stage with in laws (well 99%) and you don't deal with it like this. I think talking to her is the only way otherwise there will always be tension and you don't need to start married life like that.

Aside from that I'm at a loss: also I think if you bring people to venues, dress fittings etc you need to expect them to give their opinion: otherwise whats the point in bringing them?? Maybe try explaining that they were only giving their opinion: and thats why they were there?? That they aren't trying to spoil things just to support ye as a couple and they were trying to make sure ye had the best day possible: might help diffuse things a bit!

talla10

Thanks for advice also should mention she hasent said anything to my parents yet and i reckon she will calm down in day or two just like to get other peoples unbiased opinions, thanks

dollybird2

Claregalway Hotel has the wow factor when the reception room is laid for a wedding and the food and service is top class. I have attended two weddings there and they were fantastic. People didn't leave to go to the bar - if any did there were few and far between as it wasn't noticed. I wouldn't pay any heed, she'll calm down. It's you & your OH that are getting married and put the foot down now!

Edited to add parking at Claregalway hotel = loads. Galway Bay - can be a pain trying to park and I wouldn't fancy the two weddings at once either but I had heard they had stopped this?

talla10

No if they can get two weddings they will but depends on the numbers. 1 room can hold up to 220 guests whilst the other room can hold up to 450 guests but the list would need to be that big as its a massive room and any smaller numbers would look lost!!plus on a bank holiday weekend it would be a certainty that 2 weddings would be on the saturday

genie_us

Hiya

sounds like fun!

At the end of the day its your wedding, and if the 2 of you are in agreement on where to have it then that's all that should matter. If your fiance is completely against going to the other hotel end of story, and you're not pushed either way (I get the feeling you don't seem to mind either one?) then I guess all you can do is explain to your mam and dad that the decision has been made by both of you and ask them to try not to comment on it around her any more? Then try and get them something else to keep them occupied, ask them to help you find a photographer or video guy etc, might take the focus off the hotel bit.

Hehe it only gets better! I thought choosing the venue was the easiest bit!!
Good luck

aviendha

on one hand, it sounds like your OH is being very unreasonable with the ranting and raving, and refusing to talk to your parents, BUT weddings are a sensitive topic so go easy on her!

I can see both points of view, however at the end of the day, it's your wedding so parents' opinion on it being a waste not to bring guests to Galway Bay/Salthill is irrelevant as it's not their wedding, and it's only the Dublin half of family that will appreciate it as the Galway people are already aware of it!

If ye have decided upon Claregalway (and this is a lovely hotel, no doubt about it) then that should be the end of the discussion, move on, end of.

My MIL2B, when she didn't particularly like the date of the wedding, chose to call up the venue we had booked behind our backs asking about other dates, and came to us saying "but such and such a date is free, why don't you go for that" :rolleyes:

Best of luck, she'll come round

How Strange

IMO, the decision on where you have your wedding should be between you and your OH. Both sets of parents shouldn't have any input into the venue, location etc.

Your OH may be over reacting but then it seems your parents have too much influence.

We got married recently and I brought my parents along to show them the venue which we'd already chosen but I just wanted to involve them a little bit. My dad was less than enthusiastic about the venue but it didn't really matter as it was already booked. In the end we had a fantastic time there and it was perfect.

Take a step back from the whole thing, let it settle down and then both of you (and only both of you) should look at all the venues and discuss the pros and cons. Whatever you do don't make this a thing between your OH and everyone else. You both need to be united on this. Remember if you can't work this out then it doesn't bode well for future problems when you're married.

Clareman

I might get flamed for this and I do apologize in advance for anyone who doesn't share my outlook.

Firstly, when we got engaged we had a similar length engagement, we both said that if we had to do it again that we would have gotten married a year sooner, if you are sure you want to get married in 2012 that's fine, but you've plenty of time between now and 2011.

As How Strange said, I don't understand why both families are getting involved, it's your day, not their's, they had their's years ago, I would go as far as to say that it's the bride's day, so if there's a single doubt, go with what she wants.

Don't worry about your parents friends, they have been to 100s of weddings, they'll be to plenty more, it's whatever you want, if anything I'd be more worried about my own friends that theirs.

In regards to the second day, you can plan to have a whole second wedding if you want, but people are going to head home, lots of people won't hang around, especially the older generations who (as I said) have been there and done that, the second day will be you, your immediate family and your closest friends.

Finally, it's a very stressful thing to have a wedding, getting married is the easy bit, you know you love the other person, that it's the right thing to do and that yo uwant to spend the rest of your life with the person, trying to organize a day for 200(ish) people is the hard thing, not in general, but in your head and other people will only add to your stress levels.

"Those that matter don't mind, those that mind don't matter"

How Strange

Clareman wrote: »

In regards to the second day, you can plan to have a whole second wedding if you want, but people are going to head home, lots of people won't hang around, especially the older generations who (as I said) have been there and done that, the second day will be you, your immediate family and your closest friends.

We had a 2 day wedding; ceremony and family 1 day and big party the next. On the second day my family had to travel. We found that on the 2nd day most people went home between 00.30-02.00. My family were exhausted, others had young kids and one person was driving and other people just left when they got tired. On the 1st night despite my initial idea of a nice quite evening we ended staying up drinking and singing til 3am.

You can't control these things and you can't plan them to the very end.

Don't plan your wedding around a 2nd night. People are tired, they have other commitments, they have kids they have to go home to, they can't afford 2 nights away. You two could be so friggin exhausted that you'll just want to collapse and have a quiet night infront of the tv. We were completely floored with tiredness and were totally out of it the next day. We were even exhausted the day of our party and I think I functioned solely on adrenaline for the whole evening.

I read your post again and I think you're being a wee bit unfair to your OH as you're assuming she's irrational and everyone else is right.

We had a few tense moments when we were doing up our list mainly because of my MIL2B kept adding guests. I got a bit hot and bothered but we just got some distance from it and realised it wasn't worth falling out with each other or future in laws about. Give your OH some credit, she's trying to organise a wedding and her IL2B are telling her it's all wrong and why.

OP, there will be plenty more scenarios like this before you've exchanged rings so as I said before present a united front on it and don't go looking for other people's opinions.