the need for lust

foxylady317

I am a young college student of 21 and I am depressed because I fear that I am bad in bed I have been unable to hold down a relationship or anything more than a one night stand, I think its because I am boring in bed and have my sex drive is at an all time low because of this lack of confidence....
can anyone give me some suggestions...

Rented Mule

Why do you feel that you are bad in bed ?

Silverfish

OP I've moved your thread from the Ladies Lounge, hopefully you'll get better advice here.

foxylady317

In a heated argument with a close friend a remark that was made about me and a previous person i was with indicated that i was not up to fullfilling a mans wishes or didnt do so for this person previously.... and at the time i just thought it was a heat of the moment thing but now it has got me thinking......

Mozart1986

foxylady317 wrote: »

I am a young college student of 21 and I am depressed because I fear that I am bad in bed I have been unable to hold down a relationship or anything more than a one night stand, I think its because I am boring in bed and have my sex drive is at an all time low because of this lack of confidence....
can anyone give me some suggestions...

When the right guy comes along it will be about more than sex. If you are sleeping with lads because you think that this is how you get a guy then you are seriously misguided. Maybe the fact that you think this is what guys want is why you are boring out of bed, which is why you can't hold down a relationship. Develop your conversation skills, your relationship skills and then you'll be able to have good sex with some you love and who loves you.

Mozart1986

foxylady317 wrote: »

In a heated argument with a close friend a remark that was made about me and a previous person i was with indicated that i was not up to fullfilling a mans wishes or didnt do so for this person previously.... and at the time i just thought it was a heat of the moment thing but now it has got me thinking......

Fulfilling a man's wishes? FFS, has sex become this trivial? I would settle for making I loved a girl orgasm. That would get me off more than anything. What kind of people are you associating with?

Rented Mule

foxylady317 wrote: »

In a heated argument with a close friend a remark that was made about me and a previous person i was with indicated that i was not up to fullfilling a mans wishes or didnt do so for this person previously.... and at the time i just thought it was a heat of the moment thing but now it has got me thinking......

Don't ever let bull**** like this get into your head.

Trust me when I say that.

stephen_n

Good sex is about good communication so when you meet the right person it won't be as much of a problem as you will hopefully feel comfortable enough with them to work through it. If you allow this thought that your not good to fester in your head though, then it will maybe become a self fullfiling prophecy as you won't be able to relax and enjoy whats going on. It's hugely important that you can do that as for most guys, except the really selfish ones it will matter to them and their enjoyment to know that you are with them. Also every sexual relationship is different so we all start of each knew one as total beginners and literally feel our way into it. I often start by touching my partner the way i would like to be touched and feel their reaction and then touch them the way they touch me and see how they react. it's a learning curve but an enjoyable one!

Miss Fluff

foxylady317 wrote: »

I am a young college student of 21 and I am depressed because I fear that I am bad in bed I have been unable to hold down a relationship or anything more than a one night stand, I think its because I am boring in bed and have my sex drive is at an all time low because of this lack of confidence....
can anyone give me some suggestions...

I don't think one night stands are a good idea AT ALL if you are suffering from low self-esteem. It's not going to help you feel better about yourself if you continue to engage in them and hoping in vain that something will materialise and it never does.

I also think being defined as "bad in bed" is childish and immature and shows the mindset of those who use a label like that.

Time to get back to basics m'dear. Why don't you forget about sex right now and focus on improving your confidence. Spend time with your friends and enjoying yourself and if you want to have sex with someone maybe spend time getting to know them first. Sex with someone for the first time can sometimes be less than chandelier-shaking so why not get to know the next guy better so that when you do end up having sex, you both really want it (and will hopefully want it again and again and again:))

Put this thought of being bad in bed out of your head. Some people just aren't compatible with other people sexually.

shellyboo

It takes two people to be bad in bed, OP. If someone is a good lover, they'll take a less experienced person and show them what they like, what to do, how to move.

A selfish lover will lie there and sneer at the other person's lack of experience. Perhaps you're not porn-star perfect in bed, but we all have to learn. A good partner would not ridicule you for being "bad in bed" - there's no such thing, just inexperienced.

Don't let one eejit affect your confidence. When you find the right partner, you can learn to be good in bed together, and that's what matters.

prinz

foxylady317 wrote: »

In a heated argument with a close friend a remark that was made about me and a previous person i was with indicated that i was not up to fullfilling a mans wishes or didnt do so for this person previously....

All the advice so far has been excellent. Put sex on the back-burner for a while, and just relax. Also sleeping with a lot of people might not make you any "better in bed" if there is such a thing. One of the worst experiences I have had was with a girl who had plenty of conquests to her name before I came along.

(a) This 'friend' needs to be put in their place for making a childish stupid remark like that. tbh you don't need friends like that.

(b) just why does this 'friend' know what did/did not happen between you and a third person?

newmember2

shellyboo wrote: »

...Perhaps you're not porn-star perfect in bed...

Nor do you want to be. Porn films have nothing to do with normal intimate physical relationships and are responsible for warping our idea of intimacy.

When you meet the right guy, sex will be just another expression of how much you like each other.