Hit by boyfriend

kk77

I was out with my boyfriend in Galway two weeks ago and we were having a really good night..at the end of the night we were walking to the taxi rank when a minor verbal arguement started up between us..the next thing I knew he had his hand around my throat and was throttling me..a random girl came over to help me but,then it all went really crazy,he started laying into her and shouting in her face..three guys came over and a huge fight started..two other lads took me away to the taxi rank,I don't remember a whole pile as I was crying hard and it all was a bit of a blur..We hadn't drank much that night and we don't take drugs...he has threatened me verbally before and broken things but, I never thought he would ever hit and throttle me..I am really down and don't know whether I should give him another chance or just leave him...:(

SarahSassy

kk77 wrote: »

I am really down and don't know whether I should give him another chance or just leave him...:(

Why would you give him a chance? he tried to throttle you and absued a stranger who tried to help you? Come on, you are posting here - you know the answer already!!! You deserve more than that...

Miller Boy

When I read the title of your thread I thought you should get rid of him because any man who'll hit a woman once will almost certainly do so again. But when I read the details, I was shocked. And, I have to say that I'm a little shocked also that you'd want to give him another chance. He sounds like a right scum bag to me. If he did that to my daughter, and I found out, I'd think about going to the Gardaí.

You had a lucky escape. Dump him yesterday!

kk77

Hey,Sarahsassy,Yeah I hear you..my head is telling me to run that he could do it again but,in my heart I am mad about him...he has been very kind to me in the past, we are going out nearly two years and have discussed a future together...Its really hard to switch all that off

Miller Boy

kk77 wrote: »

I was out with my boyfriend in Galway two weeks ago and we were having a really good night..at the end of the night we were walking to the taxi rank when a minor verbal arguement started up between us..the next thing I knew he had his hand around my throat and was throttling me..a random girl came over to help me but,then it all went really crazy,he started laying into her and shouting in her face..three guys came over and a huge fight started..two other lads took me away to the taxi rank,I don't remember a whole pile as I was crying hard and it all was a bit of a blur..We hadn't drank much that night and we don't take drugs...he has threatened me verbally before and broken things but, I never thought he would ever hit and throttle me..I am really down and don't know whether I should give him another chance or just leave him...:(

Just look at the highlighted bit above. You must realise what kind of a future you'd have with him. I hate giving strong opinions but this guy, for me, is a ticking bomb!

SarahSassy

kk77 wrote: »

Hey,Sarahsassy,Yeah I hear you..my head is telling me to run that he could do it again but,in my heart I am mad about him...he has been very kind to me in the past, we are going out nearly two years and have discussed a future together...Its really hard to switch all that off

He was kind to you in the past then he was very UNKIND to you in the more recent past...

I know all about ending long term relationships and have done so, with great difficulty for a lot les than this.

What are you waiting for? Him to break your nose / jaw/ arm before you realise he is a thug... Harsh words but all true. Best of luck

Sheena99

Please leave. You'll never know if he could do it again, or even go further.

kk77

I know deep down that what happened was horrendous and wrong...I went to college GP last Mon and am going to counsellor now...I do suffer from MDD,major depression and am on meds-Effexor 150mg-..In some way and yes,I know this is wrong, I feel deeply ashamed of what happened and that there is something wrong with me,like its not his fault..I know this is stupid, I have told only one friend what happened and she was shocked. she couldn't believe this guy would act like that,he's a primary teacher and normally is very nice.I've asked him to go talk to someone about his anger issues,he has booked someone in to do that..He has helped me alot through my depression, I feel like I should help him back now.

Taltos

Look at it this way...
> 10 yrs down the line, your nose has been broken multiple times, your eyes look a bit weird cause your sockets have been broken so many times. You have no friends and don't talk to your family as he has bullied you into only spending time with him. You might have kids and you swear that when he hits them it is only cause he loves them and is hitting them to make them stronger....

Seriously. You might be mad about him - but he is clearly mad or just plain sick. Clearly he is not mad about you. If he was he would be defending you - not using you as some sort of punch bag.

Goto the cops - make a formal complaint and get a restraining order. Not trying to frighten you - but you need to make sure you are safe.
Right now your love hormones are playing with your common sense - but deep down you know NO-ONE deserves this. RUN...

Taltos

kk77 wrote: »

He has helped me alot through my depression, I feel like I should help him back now.

Do you not think he is counting on this.
There is a world of difference between depression and assaulting someone.
God help the kids in his class. Guys like this are manipulators, he probably identified on your first date that you were someone he could "manage" with some hard work. Don't be that person.

He does need to get help.
But - he does not need you - and you seriously do not need him. You need someone who will always be there for you - and yes while they may have off days - someone who will never ever raise a finger against you.

Miller Boy

kk77 wrote: »

I know deep down that what happened was horrendous and wrong...I went to college GP last Mon and am going to counsellor now...I do suffer from MDD,major depression and am on meds-Effexor 150mg-..In some way and yes,I know this is wrong, I feel deeply ashamed of what happened and that there is something wrong with me,like its not his fault..I know this is stupid, I have told only one friend what happened and she was shocked. she couldn't believe this guy would act like that,he's a primary teacher and normally is very nice.I've asked him to go talk to someone about his anger issues,he has booked someone in to do that..He has helped me alot through my depression, I feel like I should help him back now.

Gosh, if he's a primary teacher, he'll do well to go through life without losing his job for assaulting a pupil! I'm so sorry to hear you suffer from depression and that you're blaming yourself, etc. Sounds like your self esteem is pretty low also. You still need to get him out of your life.

And he seriously needs help. He's a bully.

kk77

and yes while they may have off days - someone who will never ever raise a finger against you.



This has really touched a chord with me,thanks all of you for your advice,

I need to sort myself out and do it without him.

Miller Boy

kk77 wrote: »

and yes while they may have off days - someone who will never ever raise a finger against you.



This has really touched a chord with me,thanks all of you for your advice,

I need to sort myself out and do it without him.

Well done, KK. Best of luck.

Taltos

Agree with MB.
You have just shown more strength than a lot of other people.
It might be hard at first - but with work you will get past this. The sooner you get that LOSER out of your life and start living again the better.

Big thumbs up.

daisybelle2008

Being with someone who has been violent towards you will worsen your depression and self-esteem issues. You cannot trust that he will not do this again. You need to put getting your selfesteem and depression under control, being a victim of domestic violence is not going to achieve that.

LegacyUser

Op i was with my ex for three years,He was in first year great and not at all abusive or controlling.Then things changed.Out one night and he attacked me when a homeless man was saying hello to me.He followed him into a store and attacked him.It was right out of the blue.I tried to get away from him walked off down the street.He followed me home.And to safe face i didnt let on to my family.He viciously hit me a few times and threatened me.
One night i got sick of it and i punched him back.I am small woman and not at all violent but enough was enough.He backed off pretty quick.But the verbal abuse was constant.He had backed me into a corner now he knew i wouldn't take the physical abuse,to making me feel sorry for him and feeling like i had to be there for him.He stopped hitting me for about a year and i was miserable with him.Felt so bad and worried about leaving him,because he threatened to kill him self and everything.
Then the last straw he went for me again and that was it i walked.And i never got back with him.The relief i felt the freedom of no fear of saying wrong thing i cant tell you what it was like.I felt suffocated.
Violence for any reason no matter what is wrong especially on the person you are meant to love and care about.There is no respect there.
I have two suggestions in company of someone else tell him he needs counseling and until he goes you are done and see how it will go after that.
Or two simply get rid of him.
You deserve to be treated as you treat him.Take care of yourself girl remember your life to and you deserve to be happy you are not his property.
XXX

janisjoplin

lanalane wrote: »

Op i was with my ex for three years,He was in first year great and not at all abusive or controlling.Then things changed.Out one night and he attacked me when a homeless man was saying hello to me.He followed him into a store and attacked him.It was right out of the blue.I tried to get away from him walked off down the street.He followed me home.And to safe face i didnt let on to my family.He viciously hit me a few times and threatened me.
One night i got sick of it and i punched him back.I am small woman and not at all violent but enough was enough.He backed off pretty quick.But the verbal abuse was constant.He had backed me into a corner now he knew i wouldn't take the physical abuse,to making me feel sorry for him and feeling like i had to be there for him.He stopped hitting me for about a year and i was miserable with him.Felt so bad and worried about leaving him,because he threatened to kill him self and everything.
Then the last straw he went for me again and that was it i walked.And i never got back with him.The relief i felt the freedom of no fear of saying wrong thing i cant tell you what it was like.I felt suffocated.
Violence for any reason no matter what is wrong especially on the person you are meant to love and care about.There is no respect there.
I have two suggestions in company of someone else tell him he needs counseling and until he goes you are done and see how it will go after that.
Or two simply get rid of him.
You deserve to be treated as you treat him.Take care of yourself girl remember your life to and you deserve to be happy you are not his property.
XXX

just read this point and have to say its an excellent post,i have just walked out of 4 and a half year relationship after my boyfriend headbutted me into the face today,and then just stepped over me whilst i was on the ground and am now in a refuge and have to say ur post has helped me alot,even though i am sitting here crying my eyes out terrified of whats in front of me,ur post has still helped thank you

mood

janisjoplin wrote: »

just read this point and have to say its an excellent post,i have just walked out of 4 and a half year relationship after my boyfriend headbutted me into the face today,and then just stepped over me whilst i was on the ground and am now in a refuge and have to say ur post has helped me alot,even though i am sitting here crying my eyes out terrified of whats in front of me,ur post has still helped thank you

You did the right thing going. Change all your contact details (phone number, e-mail) so he can't contact you and never go back. Nobody should put up with that. I hope you both put this all behind you soon.

janisjoplin

i hope so to,all i can do is take one day at a time,its harder cos i ahd a car to get around until it packed up on me last week and i havemt the money to get it repaired so am totally grounded in a refuge 10 miles from where i use to live,it tough

Shayman

kk77 wrote: »

I was out with my boyfriend in Galway two weeks ago and we were having a really good night..at the end of the night we were walking to the taxi rank when a minor verbal arguement started up between us..the next thing I knew he had his hand around my throat and was throttling me..a random girl came over to help me but,then it all went really crazy,he started laying into her and shouting in her face..three guys came over and a huge fight started..two other lads took me away to the taxi rank,I don't remember a whole pile as I was crying hard and it all was a bit of a blur..We hadn't drank much that night and we don't take drugs...he has threatened me verbally before and broken things but, I never thought he would ever hit and throttle me..I am really down and don't know whether I should give him another chance or just leave him...:(

Its a no brainer. dump him before he kills you.

And Janis. you did right. hang in there.

LegacyUser

Not only should you leave now, but you have to go to the police and report him. In fact, I would say that for you not to do this would be extremely negligent. If this guy is a primary school teacher then the authorities have to know about him. You are putting children at risk and I hope the friend that you told has the courage and intelligence to give you a verbal bollocking for not doing this immediately.

If I thought that you were a smart and strong person I'd say that it'd be fine to stay in contact and help him get help. But I think that the way you've been talking, the fact that you feel that it was your fault in some way, means that you are terrified of independence and feel that you'll do no better. I don't think you have the strength to help him at a distance, so I think you should get out of the relationship now.

As for what I said first, if you don't go to the guards its like leaving an injured man helpless on the side of the road. I consider that extremely poor judgment.

Emme

kk77 - Walk. Now.

If you need any guidance talk to Women's Aid www.womensaid.ie

LegacyUser

leave wrote: »

As for what I said first, if you don't go to the guards its like leaving an injured man helpless on the side of the road. I consider that extremely poor judgment.

I consider it extremely poor judgement to say that to someone when it's quite obvious they've just been through an ordeal.

The golden rule of first aid is to make sure you're safe before you go to help someone else, which I think certainly applies in this case. OP look after yourself first, get away from your boyfriend. Deal with the school side of it when you're strong enough to do so.

AnonoBoy

Leave him. If he threatens you again go to the Gardai and lodge a formal complaint, make sure you let him know you're doing it. In fact go to the Gardai and lodge a formal complaint about the assault that did happen. Can you contact any of the people who were there to act as witnesses?

Don't be alone with him. If you live together get a friend or family member to come with you when you're packing up your stuff.

Annie Bananie

Dear OP,

I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you
Noone deserves to be abused physically or verbally! Both are equally bad!

I am glad you are getting help. It is really hard to leave someone you love ( I know I have done it myself), but know this, you will get over him and you will find someone that treats you with respect and you will be a 1000 times happier

I wish you best of luck!

Partizan

kk77 wrote: »

I was out with my boyfriend in Galway two weeks ago and we were having a really good night..at the end of the night we were walking to the taxi rank when a minor verbal arguement started up between us..the next thing I knew he had his hand around my throat and was throttling me..a random girl came over to help me but,then it all went really crazy,he started laying into her and shouting in her face..three guys came over and a huge fight started..two other lads took me away to the taxi rank,I don't remember a whole pile as I was crying hard and it all was a bit of a blur..We hadn't drank much that night and we don't take drugs...he has threatened me verbally before and broken things but, I never thought he would ever hit and throttle me..I am really down and don't know whether I should give him another chance or just leave him...:(

Here's a simple piece of advice fo you young lady....

Run like hell and dont look back.

Shayman

kk77 wrote: »

he's a primary teacher and normally is very nice.I've asked him to go talk to someone about his anger issues,he has booked someone in to do that..He has helped me alot through my depression, I feel like I should help him back now.

Sorry I missed this bit when I read the thread first. Him being a teacher - this is fairly serious. If he does it again to you or someone else, well.... I'm sorry but I really think you need take some action. If only to save him from himself. Would you want him, further down the line, to be done for physically assaulting a student?

Kormeera X

leave the b*stard! ANY man who hits a woman is a coward!

dan719

OP, if your best female friend asked you what she would do after being hit by her partner, I have no doubt you would tell her to run a mile. Take your own advice.

randylonghorn

Run like hell and don't look back!

Seriously!

miec

Guys like this are manipulators, he probably identified on your first date that you were someone he could "manage" with some hard work. Don't be that person.

Hi Op

I am so glad you are going to move on even if it is very hard, don't be one of the above, it is very true that abusive men seem to be able to sniff out and target vulnerable women and it is scary. I would urge you to use the counselling to heal through this ordeal and help you with self esteem. Also a brilliant book called 'Women who love too much' by Robin Norwood helps mainly women who get into abusive relationships and feel as if they are to blame.