What's the general "tipping" etiquette for wedding services?

Col200sx

Chatting last night with herself, and we wondered what is the general consensus with tipping wedding services?

Because you will know the prices of items on the day, and have cheques written accordingly to hand over - but how can you judge how much to tip/to tip at all, when you've not even experienced the service yet?

As most of the services are expecting payment right there and then (church music, photographer, car etc).

So people, is tipping catered for in the price quoted for the service, or do you tip anyway?

Thanks all:)

seamus

You don't tip unless you can come up with a very good reason to.

I've never understood this. You're paying them for a very specific service, which they're providing at a premium price. So when you get that service, the contract is fulfilled. Why tip?

We tipped a couple of suppliers (wedding singers and florists), who gave us substantial discounts on their normal prices after we haggled and who went out of their way to fulfill our very specific requirements. Even then, the tip was no more than €50 in each case.

I've heard of people talking about tipping the hotel staff 15% for their service. So you've just dropped €10k in the place and they expect you to fork out another €1,500 to thank them for spending your €10k? F*ck right off.

I imagine this is something of an American tradition that got dragged along with the celtic tiger. Waiting staff in Ireland are paid for what they do, and not badly paid. When you are in a decent hotel being given a meal, the waiting staff get well paid (relative to say a waiter in a cafe) and the kitchen staff are well paid. You don't have to supplement their wages with a tip.

The service charge is included in the premium price that you pay for your meal in a venue.

sweetie

I would never expect a tip for doing a gig. After a gig when I chat to the couple to get feedback I usually ask if they would mind recommending me to possible future clients and when they do that is payment enough!

Col200sx

Strong words Seamus, but thanks a lot. We genuinely hadn't realised you weren't expected to tip.

And you're right, you do pay a premium price for most services.

The reason I used "etiquette" in the title, is we didn't want to make a mistake, and not tip/over tip certain things and be bang out of order etc.

So questioned answered I believe, more money in our pocket, well, less of a hole in our pocket so:D

seamus

Col200sx wrote: »

Strong words Seamus, but thanks a lot.

Well, I wasn't getting annoyed at your or anything, it's the whole thing that irritates me.
I remember we got an email from one of the co-ordinators at our venue detailing the costs outstanding which included a line like, "It is traditional to offer a tip of 10-15% towards the kitchen and waiting staff as a "thank you" for a job well done!". Needless to say we completely ignored that line, though at the time we wanted to say something which we might regret.

At my brother's wedding in Italy, one of the guests decided to send a bread basket around the tables for people to put money into as a tip for the staff. My brother was furious when he found out, but what can you do?

tatli_lokma

seamus wrote: »

I've heard of people talking about tipping the hotel staff 15% for their service. So you've just dropped €10k in the place and they expect you to fork out another €1,500 to thank them for spending your €10k? F*ck right off.

The service charge is included in the premium price that you pay for your meal in a venue.

the price you pay the hotel is not necessarily a reflection on what they pay their staff! if you go to a fancy restaurant and the waiter is good, do you not leave a tip? Do you say, well i paid a fortune for the meal, so sod the waiter who prob gets minimum wage?

As someone who has several friends in the food service industry, I would always tip for a job well done - fair enough, if they are not up to scratch, then don't tip, but if they do their job well even a €5 or €10.

We had 5 servers, a barman and a waiter serving drinks. We gave them a tenner each, and rounded it up to €100 to include the kitchen guys.

but if you decide to do this, DO NOT give the tip in an envelope to the Hotel - the staff will probably not get it. Appoint someone on the day to have whatever you choose to give in an envelope each. Get that person to give the tip to each wait staff etc - its the only way you can be sure the waiting staff get their tip.

There are not many other people I would tip, as generally for a wedding they are already getting a premium rate (possibly more than they would for comparible event, not a wedding!).

If someone was particularly helpful or gave a great service then I would give a few bob more if I could afford it, but for services I am already paying for I wouldn't feel obliged to do that. For the waiting staff however, I would feel like a right scab not to give them something if they did their job well. I would tip in a restaurant, so I don't see any difference in tipping them for the wedding.

seamus wrote: »

I imagine this is something of an American tradition that got dragged along with the celtic tiger. Waiting staff in Ireland are paid for what they do, and not badly paid. When you are in a decent hotel being given a meal, the waiting staff get well paid (relative to say a waiter in a cafe) and the kitchen staff are well paid. You don't have to supplement their wages with a tip.

I honestly think it has nothing to do with American traditions or celtic tiger - my sister got married over 20 years ago when the country was on its knees even more than now. My father still gave each of the waiting staff a tip - fair enough, it wasn't big buck but it was still appreciated.

And as I said I have several friends and family in the food service industry and I can assure you, the majority of them ARE badly paid in relation to the work they do and hours they work. Some of them are paid not much more than a waiter in a cafe in fact. One relation with over 20 years of silver service experience has recently been given a pay cut and her wage is just over €10 per hour. Her son works in the local cafe clearing tables and gets €8.65 per hour! there is no guarantee that because they work in a hotel rather than a cafe that they are getting better wages!

Clareman

There was a topic on this before, too lazy after a hard day at work to find it sorry.

Anyway, in other countries people work in the catering industry for tips, in other words they don't have a minimum wage and tipping is accepted as the norm (i.e. America), over here we have a minimum wage that everyone gets and don't have a tipping culture, here it's usually rounded up to wherever you feel acceptable.

When I got married I didn't want to have to put an extra grand or so onto the bill so I didn't pay a tip on the bill, but I did slip the person serving the top table €50 as a thank you and did leave a fair few tips in the bar, usually rounding up (i.e. if it was €8, I left €10).

Toots

Some of the hotels I got prices from had a little bit on the bottom of the brochure stating that a 15% service charge would also be applied on top of the (already too expensive) prices. As Seamus said, you're already paying a premium for the services on the day.

I certainly wouldn't be adding a tip on to the bill at the end, the hotel will be making a packet from our wedding, what with all the food & drink we're providing, plus the drinks guests buy for themselves, plus the fact that we've a lot of relatives travelling and our guests have filled the hotel for that weekend. If there are any individuals who are particularly helpful, I'll give them a tip (into their hand so I know it goes to them), but otherwise I wouldn't.

No matter what the product/service, the price jumps up once the word 'wedding' is mentioned. Even with the wedding rings, there's a huge markup compared to other rings. I was looking at one ring which had a little row of diamonds in it, then I saw the price and nearly fell off the chair. The girl in the jewelers was lovely, and she told me that if I'm looking for diamonds in the ring, then I'd be better off looking at an eternity ring in a similar style, because when it's a 'wedding' ring, the price goes up. She then came out with a tray of eternity rings, and I'm not joking, unless you held them up right beside the wedding rings, you couldn't tell the difference. The only real difference was the price, which in our case was over €500!!!

tatli_lokma

Toots* wrote: »

Some of the hotels I got prices from had a little bit on the bottom of the brochure stating that a 15% service charge would also be applied on top of the (already too expensive) prices. As Seamus said, you're already paying a premium for the services on the day.

well thats just cheeky! If a hotel did that to me, I would be telling them that I would be paying said 15% directly to the staff myself otherwise i would be going elsewhere. Nonetheless I would give a tip, but not an imposed one by the hotel which will probably not even get to the staff - i would choose the tip I could afford and ensure it gets to the staff and not the hotel management.

purerandom

hi,
to tip the hotel would be throwing money away. they charge for corkage for crying out loud, and then some people have the stupidity to tip the hotel. its nothing but stupidity.
multiply the number of people going to the reception by 5 quid, which would be the average price of a drink. then multiply that by the average number of drinks someone will have, say 8 for example.
so 200*5*8 which is 8000 grand.
when you do that you will soon see how much the hotel bar will make that night! Bringing in such colossal business is tip enough in my opinion.

Col200sx

seamus wrote: »

Well, I wasn't getting annoyed at your or anything, it's the whole thing that irritates me.
I remember we got an email from one of the co-ordinators at our venue detailing the costs outstanding which included a line like, "It is traditional to offer a tip of 10-15% towards the kitchen and waiting staff as a "thank you" for a job well done!". Needless to say we completely ignored that line, though at the time we wanted to say something which we might regret.

At my brother's wedding in Italy, one of the guests decided to send a bread basket around the tables for people to put money into as a tip for the staff. My brother was furious when he found out, but what can you do?

No not at all, I didn't think you were:) Actually it's just easier to respect strong words than something vague. So again thanks for the heads up:)

purerandom wrote: »

hi,
to tip the hotel would be throwing money away. they charge for corkage for crying out loud, and then some people have the stupidity to tip the hotel. its nothing but stupidity.
multiply the number of people going to the reception by 5 quid, which would be the average price of a drink. then multiply that by the average number of drinks someone will have, say 8 for example.
so 200*5*8 which is 8000 grand.
when you do that you will soon see how much the hotel bar will make that night! Bringing in such colossal business is tip enough in my opinion.

Fair enough. Point understood. Although I don't think it was stupidity for putting the thread up. It was something we wanted clarified, that's all.

For the record we won't be tipping services unless there's a very genuine reason for it on the day.

Again thanks all for the input, has cleared that up for us:)

purerandom

Apologies, i may have came across wrong there. a great topic to post in my opinion. i just wanted to underline the overall money a hotel makes on a wedding day.

seamus

Cincikchick wrote: »

the price you pay the hotel is not necessarily a reflection on what they pay their staff! if you go to a fancy restaurant and the waiter is good, do you not leave a tip? Do you say, well i paid a fortune for the meal, so sod the waiter who prob gets minimum wage?

As someone who has several friends in the food service industry, I would always tip for a job well done - fair enough, if they are not up to scratch, then don't tip, but if they do their job well even a €5 or €10.

Minimum wage isn't tiny in Ireland though. €8.65 * 40 hours * 52 weeks = €18k / year.

Not massive money, but the job doesn't exactly require anything but perspiration and effort.

The point here is as mentioned earlier. In other countries, the States in particular, waiting staff are deliberately low-paid so the restaurant saves money. Tipping is almost required - some places say you should give 10% for *bad* service! Basically the customer is expected to pay for their food *and* pay the restaurant's staff at the same time.

That's not how it works here. If staff feel that they're badly paid, that's the business's fault, not the customer's. The customer is going to a restaurant to have food cooked for them and served to their table. The cost of both is already included in the bill. The higher the bill, the better I expect of both kinds of service. What the restaurant pays their staff is irrelevant to me. The restaurant is charging high prices, therefore I expect top-quality service.

So if I'm paying €70/head for a meal, I'm just short of expecting the waiters to shovel the stuff into my mouth for me. OK, maybe not that extreme, but I'm not going to tip them for getting my order right and cleaning the table in a timely manner. I expect that as a minimum.

Col200sx

purerandom wrote: »

Apologies, i may have came across wrong there. a great topic to post in my opinion. i just wanted to underline the overall money a hotel makes on a wedding day.

No bother at all. But you're dead right, as soon as the word "wedding" is mentioned, there's a huge mark up on prices of things. It's a farce really.

But at least now something other couples may not have been aware of (like us until this thread) has been cleared up.

smelltheglove

For my wedding I never even considered tipping to be honest, we paid the rates we were given, we didnt haggle and that was that.

In my job covering weddings I only ever once received a tip, which I knocked off the final payment amount as I dont see the need for tipping for my services. This occasion though was different to the norm, it turned out the best man was the boyfriend of my cousin, something I didnt realise until the day, our nanny had died that morning, in fact I received the news 10mns before leaving the house but I continued on with the day as it was a normal day. I think the tip was more reflecting the fact that the same service was delivered despite the circumstances which the bride was aware of considering the connection with their bestman.

If you went in to a corner shop where the staff get paid minimum wage and an employee went out of their way for you would you tip them? No you wouldnt, in fact they probably arent even allowed to accept tips, you dont tip your doctor, or your solicitor, you dont tip most establishments but when it comes to services people assume tips are required, for instance the car wash around the corner, the guys there get paid the same as the till staff yet double their wages with tips, probably even triple in summer months, is it fair, I mean they are getting paid for what they are doing, yet their colleagues in the same establishment on the same wage end up getting much much less.

bamboozle

seamus wrote: »

At my brother's wedding in Italy, one of the guests decided to send a bread basket around the tables for people to put money into as a tip for the staff. My brother was furious when he found out, but what can you do?

not suprised he was furious!