Tortuous Bullying

imous

I am putting up with constant psychological bullying at work. I came into the business with a view to a management role, but that is out of the question. I am treated like I am stupid, I am talked about behind my back. I am threatened with my job regulalry and have been shouted at and roared at from the high heavens. There has been absloutely no basis or reason given for the abuse. I have put up with it for over 1 year and a half now and I am at my wits end. The pay is terrible and will never get any better. It is in accounts and there will be no opportunities to progress. I have always done the job to perfection. It is a role with a bit of pressure and constant deadlines and I always perform well. I have 100% attendance and dress well. I get on well with the other colleauges. But the directors have a very poor attitude towards me.

I am an intelligent person. But for the life of me, I dont know why I let these people away with what they do. I would love to leave and head back to college, but I have lost the confidence to that now. I have a very low opinion of myself now and feel I really am good for nothing. I can hardly function at work on the most basic of tasks for fear of making a mistake and causing another scene of abuse. When this particular person is roaring at me, I feel sick to my stomach. And i tremble with fear. I am a grown man. How pathetic is my reaction? I have lost myself in this mess.
My dreams of a bright future are shattered.

The sad part of this is I was bullied in a role before I started with this company and the abuse was similar. I was also bullied for years at school. So now I am convinced that I am an annoying sort of person that brings out this bullying behaviour in others.

To look at me I am attractive, and happy and able for anything. But slowly this position is tearing me down bit by bit.

As anyone any words of wisdom for a broken man who knows in his heart he can do better, but is loosing the will to make that change.

tenchi-fan

Unless I'm missing something it sounds like you just don't have the people skills to be a manager. People can be horrible by the way. I'm convinced certain people get promotions just by brown-nosing superiors and putting other people down.

Luckily these skills can be improved. You could probably do with some assertiveness training, and maybe attend a few workshops to improve your people skills. Other people will just never be management material, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You could specialise in a more technical aspect of your job and do pretty well too.

I find the guy senior to me at work can be very condescending. Sometimes I let it get to me and I feel upset and exhausted.. by the time I get home I'm convinced that my manager feels the same way and I end up hating my job. Other times I'm in a better frame of mind so I'm able to recognise the abuse and it's like water off a duck's back.

Taltos

I know part of what you are going thru.
Luckily for me though I changed jobs yrs ago when I went thru this. Took a while - but the day I handed in my resignation was one of my happiest.
I did learn from this though - tried not to be quite as open or as friendly in the new company - was actually told that I made others feel inferior because of how I acted. Did feel bad about that though - as being in that position I had to work hard to ensure I was not putting others down.

See if you can get any job out there - even if it is a change of direction. Mine was a complete career change for me.

Whatever you do - do not snap.
The common advise is to keep a log of all these incidents - including witnesses you might have - as you probably have a case later here.

What I always wanted to do though was to have my mobile handy.
Press record. And then after the match walk to HR and ask to speak with the HR manager /director and that person's direct boss and simply press play...
Not sure of the wisdom of this though.

Right now - believe it or not you really do have all the power here - and you will continue to do so until you either retaliate in kind or anything else.
Just remember to keep a log and also to keep looking outside for a new job.
Ideally if you have already tried to talk to that person then the next approach is to go to their manager &/or HR and insist that they rectify the poisonous work environment - they have a duty of care here - and by ignoring your request I believe they leave the company liable if this were ever to go to court...

There might be public bodies out there that can help as well- but I do not know of them - hopefully one of the mods or another poster can direct you there.

Ickle Magoo

Your job sounds horrendous - if you want to go back to college, formulate a plan and go do that!! Stop loosing the will to make the change and instead find a way & relish the day you can tell them where to stick their poxy job! :mad:

imous

tenchifan wrote: »

Unless I'm missing something it sounds like you just don't have the people skills to be a manager. People can be horrible by the way. I'm convinced certain people get promotions just by brown-nosing superiors and putting other people down.

Luckily these skills can be improved. You could probably do with some assertiveness training, and maybe attend a few workshops to improve your people skills. Other people will just never be management material, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You could specialise in a more technical aspect of your job and do pretty well too.

I find the guy senior to me at work can be very condescending. Sometimes I let it get to me and I feel upset and exhausted.. by the time I get home I'm convinced that my manager feels the same way and I end up hating my job. Other times I'm in a better frame of mind so I'm able to recognise the abuse and it's like water off a duck's back.

I am not in a mangagement position. I am in a clerical accounts position. I am not over any other member of staff.

tenchi-fan

imous wrote: »

I am not in a mangagement position. I am in a clerical accounts position. I am not over any other member of staff.

Oh right.. sorry it's your job in general you hate!
Look, some places just aren't nice places to work. I know people can't be too fussy in this climate but I heard before that people generally need to try 3 different jobs before thy find one they like.

imous

tenchifan wrote: »

Oh right.. sorry it's your job in general you hate!
Look, some places just aren't nice places to work. I know people can't be too fussy in this climate but I heard before that people generally need to try 3 different jobs before thy find one they like.

No, not the job. The abuse from the employer is what I hate.

Kevster

In life, we must never stay in a situation that erodes or sanity away, which it seems is what is happening here. If you are sure that you would be happier elsewhere, then leave. Happiness is of the utmost importance, which goes without saying, right? By the way, people always talk behind others' backs in life, so that's not new. However, 'shouting' shouldn't be accepted (are yuo sure it's 'shouting'?).

I'd also like you to consider this: Are you the type of person who never fights back or retorts to what is said about you? If you are, then you're an easy target for bullies. I know this because I was the same. i've gone to the complete opposite end of the spectrum, however, in that I now think that I am multiply-times better than any bully and view them as insignificant wretches. I don't let anyone upset me anymore.

Kevin

Xterminator

i'd just add, you cant really change the people you work with, but you can change the way you react, and the dynamics of your relationship.

If you cant chuck it in, and move elsewhere (jobs are hard to get) perhaps you need to formulate a plan of dealing with this.

as advised make notes of where, when what was siad, witnesses etc,
when you have a few notable cases, then take it further. HR if you have one, your manager if you dont.

Most jobs have a handbook, which lays out the chain of command. follow this to the letter. Escalate if your boss cant/wont help. go over his head till you reach the top.

This is where your evidece needs to be clear and incontrovertible. a number of incidents, forming a pattern, over time, and a few witnesses come in handy here. also if you have end of year performance reports that show you are a good time keeper, achieved your objectives etc, prepare a file with them in it.

Usually, one of 2 things will happen. You will be fired, & you can take a constructive dismissals case, or bulling will die down/cease, due to the bully(s) not getting away with it anymore.