to tell or not to tell.....

LegacyUser

was going out with someone for about 2 years, we broke up because "the spark was gone" but remained very close friends. this person then left the country and as soon as they were gone, i realised that i had made a huge mistake by a) ending it and b)not giving it another go when they asked me to.
i know it sounds ridiculous, but its a classic case of "you dont know what you've got til its gone" so i told this person how i felt, that i wanted to make another go of it etc etc, we agreed (after some small hiccups) and everything was fine until a week later, i get a phone call saying "i dont think i want this, theres still no spark." (a few days later i got a message saying maybe they had rushed into that decision)

now, i totally understand this and if i'm completely honest, the spark wasn't exactly huge for me either, but having thought about all this stuff in depth, (without going into too much detail), i think i have realised an awful lot about myself and my "patterns" in relationships and what actually happened in this one and i really think i can fix things.

i miss this person so much, they are (were) my best friend and i think about them all the time. the problem is, i told them not to contact me because i needed some time apart etc etc and in fairness, they haven't - even though they said that that wouldn't be easy for them.

i know some people say that if the spark is gone, thats it, curtains, but i honestly dont believe it is. i think thats hollywood bulls**t and that ALL relationships go through rough patches. i think, at the time, when "the spark died" i DID think that once its gone, its gone, but now i dont.
my head is all over the place, on one hand, i really want to contact them, tell them all this and hope for the best......on the other hand, what if i do, pour my heart out, open myself up, be completely vulnerable and they don't feel the same?!

any ideas? (and for the record - i already know i f&cked things up by ending it in the first place and by not giving it another go when asked to, so i dont need anyone having a go at me over that)

wurzlitzer

hi

you are right life is not like the movies...

relationships do go through cycles sometimes...but if you are aware that a/your relationship is going through a rough patch or a lull is happening take time to observe it and recognise it for what it is....and this may help ye to ride out the storm, by discussing at the time it rears its head you will come out stronger on the other side....

tell them how you feel...seems to me that the lines of communication are open, and at least you have that to your advantage, many people do not have the option to talk to an ex..and ask for another shot...

And if they say that they are not game...try and move on...you will get over it...and maybe stay good friends

and as you said if you now recognise the patterns that caused ye to lose the spark...and the mistakes you made...maybe you can prevent yourselves getting into a rut again....sparks can be re-ignited

good luck!:)

music lover 2

I agree with most of the advice here especsially the whole Hollywood dream that we are sold.I think you should talk to them I think its worth a talk anyway.

If if doesnt work out at least you won't always wonder.But yes you have to be up for the possibility they reject you but i would rather that happen at least you can deal with it in time otherwise you will always wonder.

Good that you have recognised a pattern i think a lot of people bail from relationships very quickly because the spark is gone.However imo the spark only last so long and usually turns to a nice slow burning fire:)best of luck

LegacyUser

OP no offense but you will be messing with this person head splitting up then getting back together now you want to get in contact with hem when they have left the country? what if he comes back and you change your mind again?

im not saying dont do it but try to be more sure first