Need advice on how to help a friend.

LegacyUser

My friend is with her boyfriend six years. I'll put my cards on the table and say I never liked him as he was a bit untrustworthy at the start but he makes her happy and you never know what people see in eachother.

Here is the problem. She is in her late 20s and in our group the proposals, engagments and marriages are all happening (six weddings this year-we'll be broke!!). We had lunch over the weekend and she said she is getting sick and tired of waiting for him to decide when to propose. She even told me last year he told her flat out not to expect a proposal any time soon. She also said she's afraid to sit him down for an honest chat about the future because she's scared he'll get cold feet. She is even worried that asking him to move in together will scare him off.

I'm in a relationship eight months and from the start my guy was very open and honest about what he wanted, that is, a secure, exclusive relationship. We've discussed how many children we'd like and where we might live. He was the one who brought up the future more than me! Sometimes I feel bad telling my friend about these things because she has said I am in a more secure position that she is, even though my relationship is so much shorter. I also think she feels she's invested so much of her time and life with this man that she can't imagine starting all over again, but she is a fab girl so any man would be lucky to get her.

Should I shut up about my relationship? I feel bad talking to her about it but friends should share the good and bad times. Should I just reassure her that everything will work out? Should I just hope that this man of hers doesn't let her down after all this time? I want her to be happy but she doesn't seem to be getting what she wants out of this relationship. Please give me any thoughts or comments on how I should deal with this.

LegacyUser

Hi,
I am the same as your friends boyfriend. Maybe it's is me!! Aaargh.
Joking aside, my gf wants to get married and it would make her so happy. But maybe, like your friends bf, I am just terrified of that ultimate commitment! And I feel as though getting married means your youth is over! I'm going on 29 and dread the thought of getting married.
I love my gf but I have always bottled things up(prob a childhood thing) and never tell her what I want in our future or when it will happen. I told her I will marry her but don't know when.

Not sure if this is any help, but he prob feels very similar to me. And deep down feel disappointed in myself that I seem unable to take this step!

LegacyUser

Why are you with her so long? Where is the relationship going? Why are you so scared of moving forward? Would it not be better to let her go so she can find someone who wants what she wants instead of giving her false hope? She could do better.

Cheap Thrills!

Hey OP,

Some people never want to get married, just like some do. Getting married is not the inevitable result of every successful union.

A lot of people are happy to just cruise along enjoying the journey of life without the burden of 'forever' commitment.

Its more common nowadays to have a series of monogamous relationships throughout your life than just one marriage like in the past.

If your friend wants marriage so badly she would be better off getting a bloke who is into it.

I would be exactly like her boyfriend. If its not broken don't fix it!!!

I dont think you should stop talking about your plans either, as long as you are not gloating which it doesn't sound like you are. However 8 months is very early days to be talking about kids! Remember to enjoy the journey cos if your plans come true you will be locked down with kids for 20 years and wish for your carefree days back!