Mother mentioning suicide

LegacyUser

This is a lot of problems rolled into one so I'll try my best to be clear. My mother has a lot of issues, my father died a few years ago and she's Malaysian so has no relatives (except my brother) and few friends in Ireland. I believe she suffers from depression and she often feels ostracised from society due to her race and being a widow. This is compounded by her personality which is quite abrasive and conservative. A year ago I moved to Australia for work (I wanted to stay but it was a choice between unemployment and a great job).

I knew things would be tough on her but I'm 26 and would have to fly the nest one day. I do my best to keep an eye on my mother (call her or text her almost everyday, visit 2-3 times a year). My brother (younger) is a bit of an ignorant brat and spends most of his time doing his own thing even though he lives in Dublin too so I can't rely on him to spend time with her. My conversations with her having always mixed and like most people with depression she has good days and bad days. Lately she's been talking about "making arrangements" for when she dies and basically describing that she feels life would be better if she killed herself.

I've done the best I can to counsel her, told her to look at positives, suggested things to do, asked her to go see a doctor but I don't know what to do. We have difficulty talking as I'm a very positive go-getting type person and obviously she's full of pessimism and self pity. I've asked my brother to be more involved but short of flying home I'm not sure what I should do. I also don't want to set a precedent that whenever she's having an "episode" I have to drop tools and fly half way across the globe (she's quite prone to saying sensational things to provoke a reaction so I don't want to exacerbate her already high maintenance emotional needs). I've also suggested she move back to Malaysia but she feels she's lived in Ireland (almost 20 years) so long that she'd have few friends there as well and that the same widow stigma would apply.

What should I do? In the short term, I'm obviously worried she'll do something rash (though in this case I think it's another cry for attention) but there are clear long terms issues as well. She's currently a major emotional burden and unlike physical or financial burdens, there doesn't seem to be any established avenues to help me. Obviously a family counsellor would help but I can't get her to go (and she would probably disagree with everything they said anyway).

Kevster

Hi,

Sorry that nobody has yet replied. If all of this is relatively recent (i.e. her openly talking about arrangements surounding her death), then it could have been sparked by debates currently ensuing over here about euthanasia for people who are 'suffering'. Granted, this is mostly for those who are physically incapacitated, but I think any depressed and suicidal person would perk their ears up and listen in to the debate. So, i'm just saying that this might be something she is paying close attention to too.

Be aware that there mere act of doing 'things' is difficult for a depressed person. As such, all of your suggestions - while good - will not bear any fruit because she wont' feel like doing them - she prob. does'nt feel like doing anything at all. The key i perhaps your brother - i.e. trying to get it through to his thick/ignorant/selfish head that he should help out. this is important.

Kevin