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Jealousy-I feel like I am going crazy.

  • 28-02-2010 11:32pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    Basically my problem is that I have an extremely jealous streak and I feel like it is going to destroy my relationship if I don't sort it out!

    I cant stand the thought of my bf being with anyone even before we were together, when we talk about our exes, it eats me up inside to hear about his previous relationships to the point that I get upset and angry with HIM! Afterwards I feel like a complete idiot as I know that he has clearly done absolutely nothing wrong! I myself have more experience than him but I cant stand the thought of him being intimate with anybody else..

    During the summer I was away for the weekend with friends. I came home and found that he had been looking up porn while I was away (nothing freaky just pics of playboy models and stuff). I didnt go looking for it but came across it accidentally. Looking back now, I know what he did was harmless, boys will be boys etc., but tbh I was absolutley devastated, felt sick and we had a big argument with him with me accusing him of betraying me.. He felt awful and guilty and I know now he really shouldnt have. It affected out relationship in a big way, it was in my head for weeks.. There's been a few times when he jokingly comments on how hot actresses in movies are, I freak out.... :( This was early in the relationship and he doesnt do it anymore, but Im still paranoid about what hes thinking when he sees hot models or actresses..:(

    I feel like when I get jealous, I cant think clearly and I am completely irrational. Its only a couple of hours later when I calm down that I realise how completely ridiculous I was. We have just recently got back together after being on a break, my jealousy was partly to blame for that. I found out last night that he had been with a couple of people while we were apart, again I felt hurt- complete irrationality again.

    I know my behaviour and reactions are crazy but I dont know what to do about it...I would appreciate any comments or advice....


Comments

  • #2
    legend365
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭legend365


    Half way through your post i was thinking - yea this sounds about right. Nobody likes there here about there partner with ex's or even their history.....then BAM!

    Porn...actresses..models? Are you serious? If you can't deal with a man looking at anything else that resembles a fine piece or work, you may have a slight problem.

    I get jealous too.. but this is takin the mick! I'd say take a break and try sort out your feelings of jealousy if you really want to make it work because outbursts like above will drive him away for miles n miles.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Your jealousy is your own problem & something that you seriously have to deal with or you will never have a relationship with a man that you can deal with, unless you manage to meet a virgin who's also blind to the attractiveness of other women.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OK, first of all, don't beat yourself up about this.

    Everything has a shadow. Jealousy is the shadow of love. You can't have love without (some) jealousy.

    But you are being really unreasonable and luckily enough you know it. So thats a great place to start.

    I had a relationship years ago where I chased a man away with jealousy and controlling behaviour. I was obsessed with his exes. In hindsight I realised that he would not have been with me unless he thought I was at least as hot/hotter than his exes. People generally progress; they choose what is at least as good (and usually better) than what they have had before. If he thought you weren't as good (or better) than them he wouldn't be with you now. He's not messing around; his life is an adventure where he discovers great things. And right now, you're it!

    So start believing it. Or at least start pretending you believe it - and see what follows.

    This is much, much more about you than about his exes or even about him.

    And regarding pornography, the women in porn are just a tool to achieve an orgasm. I'm a woman in my 30s who's only started watching porn recently (I would have taken porn too seriously in the past to enjoy it!) and I can tell you as a newbie porn watcher, that porn isn't really about beauty; you can get off on uglies as easily as on beauties - porn has nothing to do with real life. You bf is probably able to make that distinction while you're not yet ready. I speak as someone who ripped up her bf's porn mags when I was age 18 cause I didn't yet understand that separation from real life. Your bf would probably climb over those women to get to you because he has chosen you and is aware that whats presented as beauty or sex is not the real deal.

    It seems like you are going crazy trying to find problems where not exist. But as you know you're out of line, you're in a great position to fix this. Next time you feel insecure, jump on him and let him reassure you that he wants YOU!


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