very confused

LegacyUser

ok to explain i have been going out with my boyfriend for just over four years recently i have been feeling trapped in the relationship i feel like i want to go on a break from him for a while not because we have any problems but because i need some space i've been with him since i was 19 but i'm afraid to say it to him as he might take it badly and also because we live together i dont see how it would work as i cant afford to move out nor can he.

I really care about him and dont want to hurt him but i cant help feeling this way. Has anybody else been in this position.

Abi

confused23 wrote: »

ok to explain i have been going out with my boyfriend for just over four years recently i have been feeling trapped in the relationship i feel like i want to go on a break from him for a while not because we have any problems but because i need some space i've been with him since i was 19 but i'm afraid to say it to him as he might take it badly and also because we live together i dont see how it would work as i cant afford to move out nor can he.

I really care about him and dont want to hurt him but i cant help feeling this way. Has anybody else been in this position.

I was in the same situation as you. Was with someone from quite a young age, and believe me it gets worse. You're gonna have to do something about it, because when you feel smothered in a relationship like that, you only become more and more unhappy.

You should talk to him about it.

LegacyUser

yea i know what you mean i have no choice but to talk to him but i dont want him to see it as a bad thing it could be good for both of us you never know we could eventually get back together as we are a good couple. I feel like i'm married already and it scares me.

jenga-jen

Hey OP

I was in your position too, went out with someone for 4 years from when I was 19 (although we didn't live together). I broke up with him and, while it was hard, it was the best decision I could've made for me at the time. We're friends now but it took a long time to get to that point even though it ended amicably.

Clearly if you feel like this then you need to address it, either by discussing it with him if you think you can get over it or by ending it. Regardless of finances, you'll have to face the fact that at 23 living together after this prolly won't work. IMO it's a recipe for disaster and you should look at every other possible alternative if you do break up.

You might be the one looking for a break but let's face it, if you're home alone and he arrives at 3am with some random girl you're not going to be a happy bunny. Maybe you'll be ok for the first while on the first burst of freedom/energy but it WILL wear thin.

Also, bear in mind that after 4 years a 'break' may (IME) mean a break up and that sometimes this is the healthier thing to do as it doesn't leave anyone hanging around waiting for an 'end date' to get back together. It's a cliché but if you both want to get back together you'll move heaven and earth to do it so break vs break up is just wording I think.

Whatever you decide, best of luck. It's usually the decision/having the conversation that's the hardest when you already feel like this but if that's the case you should feel like it's a weight off your shoulders.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice i really appreciate it i know in my heart that i have to talk to him.