Is this it? Life is over

LegacyUser

This will probably be long so please bear with me. I am in my late 20s and nothing going for me. Never had anything going for me and not sure how much more I can take really.

Growing up as a kid, my father was never around. I think my mother took it out on me then, as if it was my fault. 8 years old and she started on me.

She used to constantly belittle me, put me down, I was never good enough. Whenever she got into a temper, she would use any excuse to start on me. I was hit using the broom, the coal tongs, she would throw me out and locked outside the house in the freezing cold and brought in at 2am. My only escape was my bedroom, but she would follow me and never give up. I was constantly called names. I was never ever good enough.

As a teenager, I was never allowed to go to discos, I was far too honest and never lied. If she found me studying for exams, she would never give me peace and quite. Could not take in everything under that much stress. Almost as if she wanted me to fail. Finishing up with school, she never had faith me. She never thought I would get into college. She spent that whole summer at me telling me I was good for nothing, go out and get a job. From someone who doesn’t work herself! Lived off social welfare and she expected me to go out and work. I had to prove her wrong, got offered a place in college and took it. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I had to show her I was able for it.

Lived at home until I finished college at 22 and got a job. Been there since and it’s the same thing again. I am constantly put down, not about work but about my life choices. Why do I want to this and that, they joke how much I am such a useless driver, drive like an old one, my choice of car isn’t good enough, get asked my colleugues why I wear such a thing when they would never be seen dead in it, get asked why I don’t have a partner and they go about picking people for me. It’s a job, not a career. Its so boring, it’s the same thing day in, day out. Couldn’t be arsed about it anymore.

Why is it me that get picked on? My own mother from when I was a kid and at 28 years old in work, I have enough of it. I don’t want to get into the type of work I went to college for and I’m not qualified for anything else.

I am applying for college this year and for the first time ever I am looking forward to be doing something for myself, rather than proving people wrong and to get out of work and follow my dreams. I am pushing 30 and want to turn my life around. I hope I get offered a place but if I don’t, is this it?

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

I think what you need to do here is to look at other options. University is obviously your primary choice but what about a PLC college? They don't accept people based on points. They use the interview process and depending on the course you would prob have to bring in a portfolio of sorts.

Do you live at home? Are you in a position to move out if you do?

You could have a quiet word with your boss in work and explain about the bullying. The manager should be able to deal with this. Bullying at any age should not be tolerated inside or outside of the workplace and most places will have some sort of policy on this.

I hope you get the course you've applied for and that you are able to move forward in your life.

CR

JonathanAnon

Funny, I was reading this and I initially thought you were a guy but I assume from reading

why I wear such a thing when they would never be seen dead in

that you are a girl.

I think it is important that you distance yourself from negative people in your life as they have a tendency to bring you down with them. I think it would be important for you to move out of home. This need not be a form of defiance against your mother, but listening to this kind of mental consistent barrage everyday is not good for your mental health or self asteem. And you
have to put yourself first.

Have you thought about addressing this with your mother. She may feel that she has the right to judge you because you are "living under her roof". I think you need to either address the issue with her or else move out.

Ickle Magoo

OP, would you consider therapy of some sort? That sounds like a horrendous situation to have to live with for so many years. Your post is very negative and I'm no expert but I can't imagine that kind of upbringing would encourage you to see the good side of life.

On the plus side, it's never too late. :cool: I left home and school at 16 because I hated them both. I went back to studying as a mature student and found it so much more fun than the first time around.

Draw up a short & long-term time line of where you want to go & what you want to do and set about getting there, remember to keep reminding yourself how well you have done to have gotten this far and how much you deserve to have all you wish for.

Best of luck!

KittyeeTrix

It is never too late pet!!!
Reach out for what you truly want and don't look back. You will be fine:)

Never worry about other peoples views on you, only worry about your own view on yourself. Apply for your new course, move on and do whatever it is that makes YOU happy........

cafecolour

No you have plenty of chances to 'turn your life around'. If you don't get a place in college, you can try again or different college. You can change jobs, move abroad for a while, there are plenty of possibilities.

Your now stuck same dynamic with the same folks. Going to college/changing jobs/etc. are all opportunities to change that to a new dynamc.

L.Jenkins

lifeisover wrote: »

This will probably be long so please bear with me. I am in my late 20s and nothing going for me. Never had anything going for me and not sure how much more I can take really.

Growing up as a kid, my father was never around. I think my mother took it out on me then, as if it was my fault. 8 years old and she started on me.

She used to constantly belittle me, put me down, I was never good enough. Whenever she got into a temper, she would use any excuse to start on me. I was hit using the broom, the coal tongs, she would throw me out and locked outside the house in the freezing cold and brought in at 2am. My only escape was my bedroom, but she would follow me and never give up. I was constantly called names. I was never ever good enough.

As a teenager, I was never allowed to go to discos, I was far too honest and never lied. If she found me studying for exams, she would never give me peace and quite. Could not take in everything under that much stress. Almost as if she wanted me to fail. Finishing up with school, she never had faith me. She never thought I would get into college. She spent that whole summer at me telling me I was good for nothing, go out and get a job. From someone who doesn’t work herself! Lived off social welfare and she expected me to go out and work. I had to prove her wrong, got offered a place in college and took it. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I had to show her I was able for it.

Lived at home until I finished college at 22 and got a job. Been there since and it’s the same thing again. I am constantly put down, not about work but about my life choices. Why do I want to this and that, they joke how much I am such a useless driver, drive like an old one, my choice of car isn’t good enough, get asked my colleugues why I wear such a thing when they would never be seen dead in it, get asked why I don’t have a partner and they go about picking people for me. It’s a job, not a career. Its so boring, it’s the same thing day in, day out. Couldn’t be arsed about it anymore.

Why is it me that get picked on? My own mother from when I was a kid and at 28 years old in work, I have enough of it. I don’t want to get into the type of work I went to college for and I’m not qualified for anything else.

I am applying for college this year and for the first time ever I am looking forward to be doing something for myself, rather than proving people wrong and to get out of work and follow my dreams. I am pushing 30 and want to turn my life around. I hope I get offered a place but if I don’t, is this it?

This is never it, as long as you breathe, you should go about improving your life for the better, if that unfortunately means cutting the bad things out of your life! Ask yourself this, "Why should I suffer for someone elses wrong doings in life?" I've asked myself that many times and unleased some serious fury at the people who deserved a good kicking!

Never let people get you down. I recommend some counselling to help you. I've qualified as a computer engineer and I've been through some rough times! Now I'm planning on pursuing a course in Counselling and Psychotherapy. Trust me, there's always hope! Just have to learn to be patient and work at it!

irishh_bob

hi op , my advice to you is leave home and perhaps move abroad , i would not go to therapy , advising people to seek counscelling is the pc thing to do nowadays but at the end of the day , going to therapy involved raking over all the traumatic and painfull experiences of your past , therapists could get twenty years work out of you and at the end of it all , you would still have to get on with your life , you need to move on and make a fresh start and put all that nasty crap behind you

LegacyUser

irishh_bob wrote: »

hi op , my advice to you is leave home and perhaps move abroad , i would not go to therapy , advising people to seek counscelling is the pc thing to do nowadays but at the end of the day , going to therapy involved raking over all the traumatic and painfull experiences of your past , therapists could get twenty years work out of you and at the end of it all , you would still have to get on with your life , you need to move on and make a fresh start and put all that nasty crap behind you

tbh it sounds like you have not much knowledge or experience of therapy yourself irish bob, contary to your beliefs therapists are not there to squeeze money out of you for as long as possible. telling someone to "get on with your life" and "put all that nasty crap behind you" is exactly the narrowminded and wrong kind of approach to take with someone who has suffered over 20 years of mental abuse and it doesn't help. neither does leaving the country and thinking it will solve all problems.

OP my siutuation was not as difficult as yours, but i did have problems with my family and felt incredibly guilty about it. i went to psychotherapy (for an altogether different reason, not about my family) and it helped me to realise that just because they're your family doesn't mean that they have the right to treat you this way or that you have to accept their bad behaviour. it can be difficult to really allow that to sink in and become comfortable with it as it's so ingrained in us to just accept our families and all that they do.

i'm so sorry for your that your mother has treated you this way, it may be that she was very upset and angry at your dad not being around and unfortunately chose to take it out on you, it's not an unusual thing to do, we all do it sometimes, but it's not ok for her to treat you so badly for so long. what is important now is that you don't allow her to hold you back from living the life you want and that you don't become the victim she's trying to convince you to be.

of course going back to college is not going to be the be all and end all of your life, there are so many options open to you if you want to change. it's good to make plans and aim for change, but don't put all your hopes into one plan. if you don't get accepted you will work something else out, pushing 30 is a good place to be in to try and solve your problems, you still have lots of time on your side!

i would suggest that you go to get help from a counsellor. my own experience is not one of raking over painful memories, but of being in a space that really helped me to clear my head, explore my problems and work out ways to solve them. of course you can do the painful memory raking if you want to and need to work through your experience to help you get over it! and honestly it was so good to just talk to someone who was impartial, non judgemental and only there to listen and offer help if possible, it's not the same as talking to a friend or relative at all.

if you want the change you can make it happen, but it will take some work, don't expect years of damage to your confidence and mental health to lift overnight, but it will get better if you want it to and if you have the determination not to be held back by her anymore

Fink Goddie

irishh_bob wrote: »

hi op , my advice to you is leave home and perhaps move abroad , i would not go to therapy , advising people to seek counscelling is the pc thing to do nowadays but at the end of the day , going to therapy involved raking over all the traumatic and painfull experiences of your past , therapists could get twenty years work out of you and at the end of it all , you would still have to get on with your life , you need to move on and make a fresh start and put all that nasty crap behind you

I agree with the opinion that maybe move abroad, i'd get away from your mother anyway and the negative people in your job, they dont sound like nice people at all, you're just unlucky you bumped into them.
Go somewhere sunny, meet new people, make a new life for yourself, its never too late!!!
Good luck

elbee

OP, I'm so glad to hear you're working on changing your circumstances, and no, this is not it. This is *never* it.

You're obviously a strong proactive person, you pursued college the first time against your mother's wishes, you've learned to drive, you own a car, you have a job during a recession and you're planning to retrain at something you'll like better. People like you don't tend to sit passively still. You've clearly been making great strides all your life, even if you don't feel like it.

If you don't get into college, you'll find something else. A night class, somewhere to travel to, a different college, or you'll wait a year and apply somewhere else and get that.

Best of luck with your application

Taltos

Op.

from someone who has his dark days - it is never too late.

There are always options. There is a really good poster here who I hope gets in touch. I think from memory she went so far as to up and move countries to remove herself from her circumstances.

This is always an option...
Counselling is also a good idea.
Is there anyway you can move out of home or escape - maybe get a residence in college?

Seriously you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family. You can however accept that NOTHING you do will ever please your mum - so why put yourself thru that abuse. The only one benefitting from it is her - and it is not your role in life to make a begrudger happy...

These might seem like tough choices - but you really do have all the power here. Take the tough call and move on.
You might have bad days - we all do - but at least you will not be going home to be told what a failure you are - which after completing college you have proven you are anything but. Personally getting thru college with that kind of homelife - I think you really should have some pride in that.
So pls consider at least moving out; getting counselling and who knows maybe ascertiveness training. Sometimes these bully's just stop when they see that the person they are picking on is stronger than them - you just need help to show them that you are.

p.s. Do you really want to be a sheep wearing the same clothes as the rest Come-on give yourself a break here.

Do let us know what you decide to do.