Guys - how do you show your GF you care?

LegacyUser

I need some advice please. I've been with my boyfriend over two years now, and sometimes I get so confused about how he feels about me. He never spontaneously says he loves me, apart from in his 'goodnight' texts. You know, 'sweet dreams, love you', just habit really. He never spontaneously gives me any affection. He will kiss me when I get into the car, or when I'm saying goodbye, but they are the only times. I've spoken to him about this many times, as it doesn't make me feel good, but nothing really changes.

We are in a long distance relationship for the last 5 or so months, we see each other about once a month, for maybe a week at a time, and this is going to last for another few months. I thought that maybe when we were together after being apart he would be a little bit more touchy-feely, but no. When we're apart I tell him I miss him, and text him nice things, or even just to start a conversation, but I have to drag stuff out of him.

Basically, I'm just wondering if other guys think this is normal behaviour? I know a lot of people don't like texting, and guys aren't big on conversations like girls are, but do you let your girlfriend know you care about her? I know we are way past the honeymoon stage, but does that mean that any romance has to go too?

I've asked him if he still wants to be with me etc, and he tells me I'm just being silly. I know myself at this stage I'm getting needy and clingy, which will only make things worse, but my head is wrecked.

LegacyUser

Yeah thats a tough one.

In fact I left my husband because my lover kept telling me I was beautiful.

Five years on, my lover still thinks I'm beautiful and I'm now married to the lover - BUT now I also see that my first husband loved me just as well - he just wasn't the kind of person to tell me I was beautiful.

I'm not complaining. I'm the lucky chick to have had two great loves, but the moral of the story is that different men have different STYLES. But style is just style. Looking back I'd rather have saved myself the three year GRIEF of changing relationship - because actions speak as LOUD as words.

Contessa Raven

Like what unregisetered said, different men have different ways of showing their partners that they love them.

My boyfriend and I are together just under 3 years. He has different ways of expressing his feelings to me. He makes me cards for anniversaries and birthdays because he believes more time, effort and love goes into a homemade one than a store bought one. He holds my hand when we're out for all the world to see. He tells me he loves me everyday (even in mid argument!) He's also been known to buy me flowers for no reason at all, which is the sweetest thing! And if he has an extra bit of money (we're poor students) he brings me out for a meal and a movie.

These are all very simple things that don't require that much effort. Maybe you could ask him to make a special effort for when you go see him next? Can I ask OP, do you do any nice things for him? Maybe next time you do something nice for him you could say to him "I'm glad you enjoyed that, maybe you could reciprocate?" That might give him a nudge because he'll see that you went through a bit of effort for him so he'll feel more inclined to give something back.

If he won't do something then I'm afraid your self esteem may start to plummet and you'll begin to resent him.

Good luck OP!

CR

LegacyUser

hi there,

You could post on the Gentlemen's club forum, for a male perspective!

Having said that, I tell my OH what to do when I need some attention.. Then he says "Oh yeaaaah, how u feeling hun, what do you need me to do, tell me what it is and I'll do it, no problem" etc.etc. and all is right with the world again.

I don't give or get Vallo's cards. We don't do birthdays much, but we do have a great night out, just us two once a month, and play kids by going into town to see what the kids of today are up to. LOL!

Some men are tuned into their "feminine" side, others aren't. Doesn't mean they don't love you. Matter of fact, I prefer the heavy lifting, looking after me, making sure I'm OK, doing things for me without (much..) complaint, than a lovey dovey fella who doesn't do the above.

gavney1

tis me wrote: »

Some men are tuned into their "feminine" side, others aren't. Doesn't mean they don't love you. Matter of fact, I prefer the heavy lifting, looking after me, making sure I'm OK, doing things for me without (much..) complaint, than a lovey dovey fella who doesn't do the above.

Just out of interest, this is a question I have often thought about

You say you prefer the "manly" man over the "lovey dovey" fella.

But would you rather have someone who was both at the same time? Not that I'm saying that such a man exists (but I'm sure they do).

Would the "lovey dovey" stuff actually bother you in itself or is it just the lack of manly stuff that would bother you?