how long is a break for?

LegacyUser

hey just said id get advise from ye all see wat ye think im a male in his early 20s who is goin out wit a girl for about 6 months. we get on great nd i really like her and we were gettin on well together but lately the same spark hasnt been there. we moved very quick at the start nd were goin out with each other before we knew it. bout two months into us goin out she told me that she had kissed another man the night before but that she was drunk nd didnt mean to and stopped straight away i forgave her nd didnt make a big deal bout it cos she was honest wit me and i believed she wudnt do it again. we got on really well after that and were really close to each other since but lately things just avent been right and we decided to take a break four days ago. the reason for the break was cos i felt she needed time to think and work out wat she wants. she said the day we broke up that she really cares about me and doesnt want to be hurtin me but just wished we werent such hard work cos she does like me. her main problem wit me is that she feels that i never relaxed around here and always watchin to see if wat i do is ok with her. she also says i need to be more confident and sure of myself. i suppose i just like her and admit i dont think much of my self. she feels i sud be more confident cos i in a gud job in which i get alot of respect from everyone and she says im goodlookin and i do train so am fit. so i sittin her wantin to txt her see if she ok nd was the story is now. i cant stop thinkin bout her the last few. im workin on me own the last few days and my housemates all gone home so have noone around to take me mind off her. i goin home for the week tomorro so sud i txt her today? there so much goin through me head i dont kno wat to do like how long is a break? is it a break or just the lead to a break-up? how do you become more confident in urself without gettin big headed? do i wait for her to txt me?
oh ya she sent me the last txt sayin if ya want to chat or anything just give me a shout. chat soon.

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

It depends. If she asked for the break then I would say wait for her to text you. If it goes beyond 3 weeks with absolutely no contact then I would say maybe give her a text and see if she's ready to meet up and discuss your options.

I think it would be really good for you both if you go home for the week and leave your phone behind. That way you won't be tempted to text her and she will have the space she wants. It will also give you space and you can focus on your friends and family. You never know, she may have texted you by the time you get back. If she has then you can call her and see what's what. If she hasn't well then it's a sign that she needs more time.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

CR

Liam Byrne

Too hard to read.....sorry!

Some paragraphs and getting rid of the text-speak might help.

As a quick off-the-top-of-my-head answer, it wouldn't be a proper break if there was a definite timeline, because that'd just be like someone going on holidays and "looking forward" to them coming back.

__plec__

first off i believe you are an overthinker, im saying this purely on the lack of paragraphs in your post. Its as if your mind can never stop, just has a constant stream of thoughts. So id recommend you look for things to help you relax...meditation etc...could be very good for you.

there are no rules regarding how long/what a break is, it depends on both of you. Does sound like she needs some space, but also sounds like you need some space too, to try and find who you are if that makes sense. My advice would be that try and take these weeks where you are apart to concentrate on what YOU want. Like 'Contessa Raven' said dont contact her immediately, tell yoursef that you wont have any contact (unless she initiates it) with her for maybe 2 weeks. In the meantime Id write a list of things that you want to do, dont have to be big things, and try and start doing them. In this way you are putting yourself first, which is very important. And please dont mistake this as being selfish, its not.

Do this, and then after a week or two get back in touch and see how things are.

Best of luck with it all

That_Guy

From personal experience a break means it's over. If she instigated the break then it means she wants something else. If she kissed another guy then it sounds like she just wants to be single and play the field.hat

I don't see how the spark is supposed to be suddenly re-ignited when or if you see each other again. I just don't believe that it happens like that.

It just sounds like she wants a break from the relationship to kiss other guys and maybe you should do the same... except with girls. If you're sitting around wondering if she's thinking about you, she's not. If she was, she'd have made contact by now.

It sounds horrible but I'm speaking from experience here. This may not be the case though and don't be so hard on yourself if you feel that you're lacking confidence etc.

Best of luck.

Monkey61

Breaks are funny things.

They generally seem to mean - "I like you, but let me have a few weeks to see if I can live without you and check out what my other options are before I make a decision whether to settle for you or not."

I can't see any way in which a break is a good thing for progression in a relationship because the person who is making the decisions knows that they have all the power of decision and can have you back whenever they click their fingers so they aren't going to feel the crushing "oh my god I have lost someone I actually really want" thing that often makes people regret break ups and want someone back.

She could of course be giving you an ultimatum, a sort of "Be more who I want you to be or see how easily I will dump you sort of thing" and she is hoping to shock you into making a change.

I'll be honest though. If after six months with someone you can't relax around her and she isn't making you more confident in yourself just by being around her -then she really isn't the girl for you. In my opinion anyway, you can tell the good relationships by how your girlfriend/boyfriend makes you feel about yourself. And not by flattering you or pandering to your lack of self-confidence - but just by the person you naturally become when you are around them.