bit the bullet - now what???

longneck

bit the bullet a while back and finally plucked up courage( via email mind) to tell someone i had strong feelings for him.he acknowledged he got the email, but thats it.we chat and text etc almost daily,and it has'nt been mentioned since.i pushed a bit harder and asked what he though was going on between us- reply"i do'nt know",then carries on as usual.i have tried not contacting him,as i feel its wrecking my head, but he always gets in touch.maximum of a day and a half with no contact.what would you do??

Faith

If he was interested too, he'd have made a move by now I'm afraid. You're just torturing yourself if you think he's suddenly going to turn around and confess his love for you. He's had every opportunity to do it, and hasn't. Move on, I'd say.

longneck

thanks for your thoughts.
i suppose the confusing bit for me is that he maintains or initates contact the vast majority of the time.like i said i have tried to back off due to his response ,or lack of,but he just keeps coming back.i am prepared to just move on,hard initally as it might be.
it would have been so much easier if he had ran screaming after the first confession!!!!!

miec

Hi Op

Sadly I have been in your shoes in the past, men often talk about being in the friendzone with women that they fancy but it operates in the same way with women who fancy their male friends.

Your friend stays in contact with you because he likes you as a mate only. If he was attracted to you he would have shown it by now, and if he was shy, now that he know how you feel, he still has done nothing, it is very clear from his actions that he likes you as a friend but does not fancy you. You have to consider what you want to do from this point on. Do you stay friends with him knowing it will never develop (and you have to be very strict with yourself on this one, otherwise you'll spend years like me wasting your time) or you softly ease your way out of the friendship and chalk it up to experience.

Ickle Magoo

longneck wrote: »

thanks for your thoughts.
i suppose the confusing bit for me is that he maintains or initates contact the vast majority of the time.like i said i have tried to back off due to his response ,or lack of,but he just keeps coming back.i am prepared to just move on,hard initally as it might be.
it would have been so much easier if he had ran screaming after the first confession!!!!!

Perhaps remaining in contact with someone he know fancies him is a bit of an ego boost for him? If he fancied you in the slightest I have no doubt he would have let you know in no uncertain terms by now. He didn't even acknowledge your email and he's now ignoring the fact you have said you have feelings - I'm not sure why you want to stay in contact with someone who is treating you and your feelings that way?

longneck

i suppose we stay in contact as we have a bit of a history from way back,and have only got in touch again over the past year.i'm guessing you are right,he's not interested the same way i am.just find it a bit hard to understand if thats the case,as to why he stays in touch.if he does'nt want to hurt my feelings you'd think he'd just fade away.

Ickle Magoo

What makes you think he doesn't want to hurt your feelings? He ignored your e-mail when you laid your heart bare, you ask him directly and he said he doesn't know what's happening then carries on like you have said nothing. He doesn't seem to be taking your feeling into account at all tbh...

Oryx

Do you only communicate electronically with this guy? If so, couple of points.. (even if you meet him, most still apply)

You can get very emotionally attached based just on written communication, cos you dont know the full person, just the stylised version based mostly on an idea of them in your head, ie its not real.

He could be using you as a daily ego boost in what he sees as a harmless way. You are at a remove from him, so he doesnt have to consider how you feel. You too, are not 'real'.

If your contact is quite distant, he could easily have a partner. Hence his avoidance of affairs of the heart with you.

He likes your personality and finds you entertaining as a friend, nothing more. And doesnt see it in a cut and dried 'love her or leave her be' way.


Can you just be friends with him and put your emotional attachment away? If you cant, it would seem youre flogging a dead horse here. Cos as others have said, for whatever reason, romance is not something he wants to pursue with you. He has made that totally clear, without actually coming out and saying it and thus, hurting you.

opinion guy

Actually I disagree with everyone so far. I think you tell someone something like this you are entitled to some sort of answer. I would just ask him - ok do you have feelings for me ? I mean push him to a bit more than don't know. Don't push it alot. But more than I don't know. Maybe you could say - shoudl i just forget about it and move on ? or something. But if the status quo is wrecking your head, then i don't think you should necessarily just accept things as they are.
But thats just me maybe

longneck

thanks opinion guy.was veering towards other replies to be honest,until this evening when texts came thick and fast from him.i had'nt contacted him!!!i have lots of friends but do'nt contact them as much as this guy contacts me.i suppose i just want outsiders opinions on this,as i'm finding myself so confused