Socially acceptable?

LegacyUser

This question has probably been raised before, but I was wondering, is it socially acceptable to ask a stranger to go for a coffee, even if you've never spoken? There's a girl on my train, gorgeous, well-read, seems friendly enough. I'd love to be able to strike up a conversation with her, but I'm not very good at that whole small-talk, isn't the weather awful, where are you headed in town, thing. I can certainly hold a conversation if the situation calls for it, make people laugh, and have had a few successful relationships, even if they did eventually end. But that ice-breaking situation just escapes me.
Besides, I think it'd be a lot better to just cut through the bs, and cut to what the whole purpose of the small talk thing would be- asking her for a coffee.

mood

Surely it is easier to make small talk before suggesting coffee! I someone just walked up to me and asked if I wanted to go for coffee without trying to chat first I would think it strange.

Try to sit next to her on the train and start chatting and take it from there.

miec

I agree with mood, I would strike up a conversation first, weather, current affairs, or even remark on the book she is reading (only if you have read it). Then I would suss out how friendly she is in the small talk and if you get a good vibe then say would you fancy meeting for a coffee. The thing is it is nerve wrecking approaching a stranger, there would be something wrong with you if you didn't feel nervous so just let the fear swirl away and take the risk anyway. You will be glad you did.

LegacyUser

I suppose you're right. I'm just afraid of walking up to her, saying hi and then freezing! Once I get past that initial phase of uncertainty, I can hold my own. I've no problem with that. But jumping that first hurdle seems to be incredibly difficult for me. I've loads of confidence, just not when it comes to breaking the ice!

LegacyUser

Forget about what is socially acceptable (sure everyone will have a differing opinion on that).

If you want to talk to her and ask her for a coffee then go for it! Just make sure you do it in a nice relaxed non creepy way

Hope it all goes well!

mood

I think he was suggest just saying 'Do you want to go for coffee' without making any conversation before hand. Nobody is suggesting he doesn't ask her out. We are just advising him to chat to her before suggesting a date.

LegacyUser

You say she is "well read", so I presume you see her reading while commuting.

See what she's reading :

1. Sit opposite her with a copy of the same book - "how are you finding it?"

2. Sit opposite her with a book by the same author having sped read the book she's reading and say "that's a great book - so good that I bought the sequel/another by the author" (later offer to lend it to her)

3. Just ask her "how's the book? I have a copy of it at home but haven't been able to get into it..... "

Plenty of scope there for a conversation.

LegacyUser

You're making the situation ten times worse in your head than what it would actually be like in reality. I think asking her for a coffee is a great idea. In places like public transport, girls tend to have their guard down, unlike places like nightclubs. She'd definitely be open to a chat at least.

Anti

bleeuubbo wrote: »

You say she is "well read", so I presume you see her reading while commuting.

See what she's reading :

1. Sit opposite her with a copy of the same book - "how are you finding it?"

2. Sit opposite her with a book by the same author having sped read the book she's reading and say "that's a great book - so good that I bought the sequel/another by the author" (later offer to lend it to her)

3. Just ask her "how's the book? I have a copy of it at home but haven't been able to get into it..... "

Plenty of scope there for a conversation.

That would freak me out if someone did that, but it might just be me. I would suggest just trying to catch her eye and smile and say hi, if she reciprocates then try to strike up some basic conversation, but stay away from the tedious and over used "Nice day, eh" or "Do you come here often"

From my own trials and tribulations i find just being yourself works best, if she doesn't dig that then no harm, plenty more fish in the sea so to speak.

T "real deal" J

Your hesitant and nervous energy will make her feel uncomfortable. Say something like

"that is the most ridiculous book, it's the one about the boy who can swim faster than a shark?", "I like your hat (whatever she's wearing) where do i get it? If I get it for my sister's bday it'll keep her off my back"

just be fun and edgy. I picked up a girl in her bikini in the sauna by talking about how annoying it is in waterparks when your underwear falls off on the slide. If you're having fun, she'll be happy to meet you again.

LegacyUser

Start small by asking for the time or something (make sure you're not wearing your watch!) then let this lead into a conversation. then next time you're on the train it would be ok to greet one another, and go from there.

Firetrap

Yeah, I think start off with some sort of ice-breaker and take it from there. I know as a woman I would be freaked out if someone just came up to me out of the blue and asked me out.

Also, have you considered that she might already be in a relationship? That's another reason to tread cautiously...just in case. Good luck!

T real deal J

T real deal J wrote: »

Your hesitant and nervous energy will make her feel uncomfortable. Say something like

"that is the most ridiculous book"

tbh if someone came up to me insulting my book even trying to be funny it wouldn't go down well

just ask her if it's a good book or something

opinion guy

Suppose you ask her for coffee. What then ? Small talk!! Much better to get it out of the way first an establish a rapport. Just ask her about her book or something. Show interest in the book. If she reacts well it will unfold. if she reacts badly well then you havne' lost anything

LegacyUser

Once a fella came up to me in the college library and asked me if I wanted to go for coffee or dinner some time... it freaked me out. I never talked to him but he was creeping me out from seeing him around the college and him staring at me.

I don't agree with buying the same book as her and pretending that you're interested. Just be yourself!! I also wouldn't like someone to be snooping at the book I'm reading either.

I sometimes get chatting to randomers on public transport. It's not too unusual. Just say hi, lovely weather etc. If "she's to be" and the (even platonic) attraction is mutual, a conversation will develop naturally. If you don't get a great response... just move on... plenty more fish in the sea!!

It's not a big deal... people chat to people they sit beside on public transport all the time. I think it would be good to take things slow about asking her for a coffee. If she says no, your commutes from now on may be a but awkward so trying to chat to her first could save alot of embarrassment (I'm not assuming that you're unattractive by the way but maybe she's already taken or just is not in the mood to chat to people on the train)

Best of luck and keep us updated!!

LegacyUser

What about bringing two coffees on board and braking the ice by offering one to her cos yer mate disappeared/got off early/didn't turn up?