Where do I go from here?

LegacyUser

In a nut shell I am friends with my ex. We were friends before we ever went out and we have remained in contact since the break up. It had been very wobbly after the break up since it was he who decided to go ( he ended it by a text message ) I made a few mistakes in trying to get him to come back soon after he went. I guess I didn't know what to do, since he said he wanted time away and for me to leave him alone. So I did. We had a long term relationship over a number of years and for the most part it was very loving and caring. We clicked on so many levels it was great fun and we loved being in each others company. We had the same ideas about the future and what we wanted from it. Since the break up, he has signed up to a dating website ( he told me ) and he had met a girl whom he told me about but she decided that she wanted to go, so she left him. He told me then that he is back looking for someone else. I am not looking for anyone as I would rather do things for myself for the moment. Granted that I do miss him and the times we spent together. I will be honest and say I still have some feelings for him but I am not going to say anything to him about how I feel about him, since that might do worse than good at the moment.

Moving right along, just recently he has been in some more contact with me and there have been things he would say in his texts to me that remind me of the times we would be together and we spoke on the phone and he was happy to hear from me, he even did something he would when we were together play songs down the line to me and he told me that he had been in the kitchen cooking that day and he had been humming a tune and he realised that he remembered I would hum like that in the kitchen when I was cooking.

He now has a line of song in his msn that he used to sing in the early days of our relationship. He has sent me photos of himself and he has asked for photos of myself. There have been other things and it just seems really strange.

I feel like I am in no man's land. I don't want to ruin anything we have but I wouldn't like to be hurt again the way I was. I have put the hurt behind me and moved forward with it but at the same time I really don't know where I am with him even though we are friends he still says the odd thing that isn't friendship appropriate. For example : I'm in bed still hiding under the duvet or I'm still in bed! I haven't said anything to him about it, I just ignored it.

So it is all confusing but I have no idea where ,if at all , I go from here? What do you make of this?

LegacyUser

sorry but it kind of sounds like you´ve described a friendship and not much more...I hate to say it, but everything he´s done that you think means something else...from the outside it looks like normal friendship stuff, and you´re reading more into it....so he hums a tune - that only means that it popped into his head and to be fair, if you're still seeing so much of each other and are still friends, its a quite normal thing to happen....as for messages about being in bed - all he's saying is he doesn't want to get out of bed - everyone sends those kind of messages.

what are you getting from this situation? I don't think I could be that close to an ex and not torment myself as you are with reading into everything, especially if you have feelings. God knows, its been a year since I split with my ex, no contact, but I still read into things I see on facebook/remember songs we listened to...christ even sometimes when I'm low I'll play a song to remind me of him or do something that reminds me of the good times - it doesn't mean its meant to be, or even that I want to try again - it's human nature to remember people and events that mattered to us....maybe have a look at whether this friendship is causing you too much strain right now, and if you're happy enough to be just friends. from the sounds of it, you're hoping for more?? living in hope with an ex as a friend causes heartache later on when he settles down and you finally realise you were waiting for him, and it never happened.

LegacyUser

Op here. Thanks for your reply. Yea I guess all it is is friendship, but someone who is an ex and now a friend, doesn't send text messages saying he is still in bed or such like when he is dating someone else. I have a few male friends and they do not send me anything like that.


I do know though that he has moved on and I have accepted it. We had been many years together and so have the history. We had both wanted to move in together and have children etc. The thing is that when the break up happened, he used a lot of excuses and behaved rather childishly and it was like talking to a brick wall, he just was not pliable and stubborn to the last. He wanted it his way and so he got it.

In the meantime I had been left to pick up the pieces. I had loved him very deeply and was heartbroken over what he did. He did tell me that he had a lot to lose more so than myself when we broke up.

The song he hummed in the kitchen was a song I would sing and there was a particular way I would sing it and he told me on the phone that he remembered me singing it when I was cooking in his kitchen and that he was singing it the way I would. The song lyric he put up on his msn was a song that we associated with our relationship and this I thought strange.