If there was a God...

Truley

If you had to worship a god what kind of god would you like him to be like? I'd have a god that was a lot less obscure. That made himself seen and not just in people's heads but could actually make himself seen and heard. He'd be much more liberal and consistant in dishing out rewards for good deeds and would give far more clear cut guidelines on how do live a happy and fufilling life. This god would be easily accessible and open to discussions, questions, debates we might have. He wouldn't just sit back and let horrible thing happen and ignore prayers and yet punish people for not having faith. I guess I would have more respect for something that doen't tease us with his existance but actually practiced what he preached and was more proactive in the world he created.
Then and only then would I consider worshipping such a god.

seamus

The only kind of God I would like to worship would be one that does not require worship. Or anything in fact.

I'd go, "Cheers for that dude, this life thing is great craic", and that'd be the extent of my interaction with him.

Zombrex

Truley wrote: »

If you had to worship a god what kind of god would you like him to be like?

A god that doesn't require worship

The desire to be worship is a very human concept (and thus not surprisingly found in our gods, which are just protections of ourselves)

It makes very little sense than an actual deity would require worship from us. you whould have to think there is something quite ungodly about a god that wanted to be worshiped.

Truley

You're absolutely right I shouldn't have used the term worship, perhaps 'show respect for', or even just like :P

Blackhorse Slim

One that kicked his church's ass when they step out of line

Dades

I'd settle for a competent one.

The Mad Hatter

I wouldn't object at all to something like Neil Gaiman's Endless, each of whom stands over an aspect of human* experience, but who exist because we created them rather than the other way around.










Gaiman pedants: please ignore.

Goduznt Xzst

A god completely disinterested in the existence of this Universe and it's inhabitants.

Knowing a God was meddling in the existence of humans would feel no different to being a mouse being prodded to run an obstacle course.

homer911

As an intruder from the Christianity forum, this is interesting, but you all seem very limited in your imaginations...

Zombrex

homer911 wrote: »

As an intruder from the Christianity forum, this is interesting, but you all seem very limited in your imaginations...

We do?

Don't you worship a god that is basically a powerful human?

Ickle Magoo

I'd like my own private god, please....like a big genie that would grant me all my wishes & smote my enemies. :cool:

seamus

It seems I misunderstood the question.

If there was a God, I would like a God who had the good grace to fill our heads with the knowledge of the universe and make everyone omnipotent, just like him.

Anything else is just being mean.

Ickle Magoo

Oh dear, it seems I'm a meanie then.

PeterIanStaker

I'd worship a deity that was like Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top. Just laid back as f*ck and not requiring any praise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34wNfmpYrb8

Goduznt Xzst

homer911 wrote: »

you all seem very limited in your imaginations...

Boobies, loads of boobies. I want God to give me boobies to motorboat whenever I feel like it.... and all the food and drink I like the taste of would be good for me.

So eating cheeseburgers would make me stronger and get more boobies.

I'd also like sleeping to be optional, so that I can stay awake for my entire life without having to sleep. But if I wanted to sleep I still could, and I could choose what to dream about.

I'd also like to be able to fly. Yeah, he'd have to let me fly, and also give me those hover-boards from Back to the Future.

robindch

homer911 wrote: »

you all seem very limited in your imaginations...

Your response is a bit limited too -- could you expand a bit?

iUseVi

Well if there had to be a god, the first thing I'd want it to do is exist. Current ones seem fairly lacking in that quality. I suppose if it could be seen and touched it would help too, but any proof of existence would be a nice start for a god.

Ickle Magoo

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

I want God to give me boobies to motorboat whenever I feel like it....

How does one motorboat boobies?



Not sure I really want to know the answer....

Dr. Loon

I'd like a god more like a superhero. Whizzing around the globe destroying evil doers, preventing earthquakes and tsunami's and the like. He'd also need to sort out this cancer business, and AIDS, and world hunger and so on. Sound.

--amadeus--

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

Boobies, loads of boobies. I want God to give me boobies to motorboat whenever I feel like it.... and all the food and drink I like the taste of would be good for me.

Why not a god who WAS a motorboat *with* boobies?

strobe

I guess if we are talking about a god that's omnipitent, omnipresent ect. One that had loads of buildings all over the world (like Centra's or Spar's) and he'd be in all of them all of the time and anytime you wanted to know something (who scored the winning goal in the 33 FA cup final; how do I get this stain out of my shirt; how do I invent a machine that can cross the gallaxy in an hour; anything you want basically) you could stroll in and ask him and he'd tell ye. Kind of like google but he really does know everything and he has a beard...and a pair of those reflective cop sunglasses oooh oooh and a mohawk, a purple one. A cool all knowing, stoner, rocker God, hell yeah. :cool:

toiletduck

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

How does one motorboat boobies?



Not sure I really want to know the answer....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBtN1i3O4fY

Truley

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

Boobies, loads of boobies. I want God to give me boobies to motorboat whenever I feel like it.... and all the food and drink I like the taste of would be good for me.

So eating cheeseburgers would make me stronger and get more boobies.

I'd also like sleeping to be optional, so that I can stay awake for my entire life without having to sleep. But if I wanted to sleep I still could, and I could choose what to dream about.

I'd also like to be able to fly. Yeah, he'd have to let me fly, and also give me those hover-boards from Back to the Future.

Awesome! Athiest god is way cooler than regular god! :pac:

Daftendirekt

A god that answered my prayers exclusively, giving me an unfair advantage over the rest of humanity.

And I don't mean the kind of prayers that return the same results as praying to a milk carton, I mean "ZOMG WTF DATS NOT POSSIBLE!!1" kind of prayers.


Also, a nice pair of breasts never goes amiss on a deity.

Zombrex

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

How does one motorboat boobies?



Not sure I really want to know the answer....

Well when a man and a woman are deeply in love and committed to each other ....

Ickle Magoo

Wicknight wrote: »

Well when a man and a woman are deeply in love and committed to each other ....

It's one of them special kind of cuddles?

bnt

As previous posters have noted, it's not simply the concept of a "God" that's problematical, it's the concept of "worship" that leads there. (The best definition of "worship" I can think of is "unconditional praise or reverence" - and for me praise is always conditional. )

Without the concept of "worship" - a fault born of human powerlessness in the face of an implacable universe - we would never have imagined anything worth worshipping in the first place. Christians say "God made Man in His image", when the converse is more accurate: "Man made gods in his image". So I don't have an answer to the original question because I don't want to be in the position of "worshipping" anything, ever. If I praise anyone or anything, it's always conditional i.e. does it deserve praise?

I know there are things more powerful than me out there e.g. the Sun, but I don't have any say in what the Sun is: it's just there, whether I might like it or not. We don't need to invent any details about it, we can just observe it as is, without needing to worship it.

Ghost Buster

Blackhorse Slim wrote: »

One that kicked his church's ass when they step out of line

Well. That would be the Christian one then. He does nothing to let you know he's actually there, leaves a bizzarre and vague snuff novel as instruction and then burns your ass for all eternity if you dont thank him for it.:eek:

Oh. And no Im not gonna worship him. Im leaning toward the whole boobies and motorboating thing !

Zombrex

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

It's one of them special kind of cuddles?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nquVXITo5E

Not particularly work safe

Goduznt Xzst

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

How does one motorboat boobies?

respect -1

How does someone go through life and not learn of the wonder that is the motorboat

urbandictionary.com - bookmark it

Ghost Buster

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

respect -1

How does someone go through life and not learn of the wonder that is the motorboat

urbandictionary.com - bookmark it

Shhhhhhhhhhh. Ickle is a girl........:eek:

Ickle Magoo

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

respect -1

How does someone go through life and not learn of the wonder that is the motorboat

urbandictionary.com - bookmark it

Ah phooey, not another respect point off! I must be getting into QI territory at this stage.

Oh I know the "wonder" (I'm not sure that's the right word!) of the act, I just didn't realise that was it's name.

mehfesto

I have my own personal god. It's called the mirror.
He's feckin' gorgeous.

Zillah

I would like a feckless tyrant of a deity. He must have created us for his own petty reasons, he must be bitter and jealous, cruel and inconsistent! No rule too trivial, no transgression too petty, no mammal too terrified for this omnipotent space-child to devote His entire awesome and belligerent attention to it. Quick is His judgment, excessive are His punishments and eternal are their consequences.

But that's not enough!

His horror would be far too mundane were it out in the open! It cannot be enough for this sanguine sociopath to be feared, no. Like a child with a gun, He still wants to be loved. All this terror and catastrophe and death must be cloaked in the puerile rhetoric of love and duty and forgiveness. He must make it clear that he loves us as he dooms us. He must demand unconditional devotion from us while making it clear that His love for us is highly conditional. Woe be to humanity! I want a devastating chimerical combination of Stalin and Idi Amin as my God. I want all to bow in eternal night before the feet of the dread-father.

Yes my friends, I want to be a Christian.

The Mad Hatter

Zillah wrote: »

I would like a feckless tyrant of a deity. He must have created us for his own petty reasons, he must be bitter and jealous, cruel and inconsistent! No rule too trivial, no transgression too petty, no mammal too terrified for this omnipotent space-child to devote His entire awesome and belligerent attention to it. Quick is His judgment, excessive are His punishments and eternal are their consequences.

But that's not enough!

His horror would be far too mundane were it out in the open! It cannot be enough for this sanguine sociopath to be feared, no. Like a child with a gun, He still wants to be loved. All this terror and catastrophe and death must be cloaked in the puerile rhetoric of love and duty and forgiveness. He must make it clear that he loves us as he dooms us. He must demand unconditional devotion from us while making it clear that His love for us is highly conditional. Woe be to humanity! I want a devastating chimerical combination of Stalin and Idi Amin as my God. I want all to bow in eternal night before the feet of the dread-father.

Yes my friends, I want to be a Christian.

I think that's just the kind of imagination keanoafc's looking for.

Truley

Zillah wrote: »

I would like a feckless tyrant of a deity. He must have created us for his own petty reasons, he must be bitter and jealous, cruel and inconsistent! No rule too trivial, no transgression too petty, no mammal too terrified for this omnipotent space-child to devote His entire awesome and belligerent attention to it. Quick is His judgment, excessive are His punishments and eternal are their consequences.

But that's not enough!

His horror would be far too mundane were it out in the open! It cannot be enough for this sanguine sociopath to be feared, no. Like a child with a gun, He still wants to be loved. All this terror and catastrophe and death must be cloaked in the puerile rhetoric of love and duty and forgiveness. He must make it clear that he loves us as he dooms us. He must demand unconditional devotion from us while making it clear that His love for us is highly conditional. Woe be to humanity! I want a devastating chimerical combination of Stalin and Idi Amin as my God. I want all to bow in eternal night before the feet of the dread-father.

Yes my friends, I want to be a Christian.

:eek::eek:

*we're not worthy!*

*we're not worthy!*

Erren Music

Zillah wrote: »

I would like a feckless tyrant of a deity. He must have created us for his own petty reasons, he must be bitter and jealous, cruel and inconsistent! No rule too trivial, no transgression too petty, no mammal too terrified for this omnipotent space-child to devote His entire awesome and belligerent attention to it. Quick is His judgment, excessive are His punishments and eternal are their consequences.

But that's not enough!

His horror would be far too mundane were it out in the open! It cannot be enough for this sanguine sociopath to be feared, no. Like a child with a gun, He still wants to be loved. All this terror and catastrophe and death must be cloaked in the puerile rhetoric of love and duty and forgiveness. He must make it clear that he loves us as he dooms us. He must demand unconditional devotion from us while making it clear that His love for us is highly conditional. Woe be to humanity! I want a devastating chimerical combination of Stalin and Idi Amin as my God. I want all to bow in eternal night before the feet of the dread-father.

Yes my friends, I want to be a Christian.

I can picture this vividly,

a mad evangalist (or priest .. same thing) spouting this on a pulpit, to a nodding half asleep mumbling crowd

...

and remember folks yes he is omnipitent, BUT what he really needs is MONEY

bnt

If there was a god, it would be subjected to all kinds of scientific scrutiny. What can it do? What can't it do? What does it run on? Can we plug it in to the electricity grid, so we can shut down all our nasty power stations? Does it show up on radar or x-rays? What happens if you poke it with a sharp stick? OK, get some more scientists and tell them not to poke the god, it doesn't like that ... :cool:

dvpower

Truley wrote: »

If you had to worship a god what kind of god would you like him to be like?

homer911 wrote: »

As an intruder from the Christianity forum, this is interesting, but you all seem very limited in your imaginations...

I'm quite happy with the current God, with his beer fountain and stripper factory.

Truley

A stripper factory - Whaaaa? :eek: I don't understand....

robindch

Truley wrote: »

A stripper factory - Whaaaa? :eek: I don't understand....

From Wikipedia on the Flying Spaghetti Monster:

Wiki wrote:

The Pastafarian belief of Heaven contains a beer volcano and a stripper factory.[27] The Pastafarian Hell is similar, except that the beer is stale and the strippers have sexually transmitted diseases.

Xluna

Truley wrote: »

If you had to worship a god what kind of god would you like him to be like?

Truley

robindch wrote: »

From Wikipedia on the Flying Spaghetti Monster:

À la Homer Simpson "They're out of Hot Dogs! And the Coleslaw has Pineapple in it! Ahhhhhhhh! German potato salad!"

Erren Music

Xluna wrote: »

Class. Wheres that thread about Burkas been banned ........