bullying

hamlet1

i need some advice please.my daughter who is in 3rd class in a mixed rural school is having a hard time at the moment.the girls in her class are quite cliquish and leave her out of things.she never gets invited to their houses to play even though we have had some of them over.she has a knack for saying the wrong thing and can be annoying at times but she is a nice child and means well.she goes to some after school activities and has no problem with children that she meets there.should i change her from the school?this cliquishness has been there since junior infants,but has got worse lately.

TheColl

Sorry to hear that your daughter is having a tough time in school, unfortunately these situations seem to happen too often.

Have you talked to your daughters teacher? It can often be hard for a teacher to spot these situations as we are not with the children in the yard and are not always aware of what children get invited to parties etc. If you haven't brought it to the attention of the teacher then that's the next step I would recommend.

Keep your daughter involved in activities as often this is where children can meet their closest friends, as they have similar interests. Perhaps also have a few girls from her class over again? You mentioned that your daughter sometimes says the wrong thing and can be annoying? Have you talked to her about this? Perhaps she's a little young, but children can be made aware of how best to interact with others and how to give it a little extra thought so that they don't say the wrong things as often.

Overall, I would only recommend changing schools as a last resort. What happens if you send her to a new school and the kids there treat your daughter in the same way? And a new class in a new school can be a very cliquey place indeed, especially for the first while.

ShamoBuc

I would totally agree with having a chat with the class teacher. They need to know. Also a chat with your daughter with regard to saying the wrong thing, might not be a bad idea. The last option you should take is withdrawing from the school. Starting afresh in a new environment, new teachers, new classmates and new (well established) cliques would definately be a last resort.

desper8hsewife

very sorry to hear your daughter is having a tough time. My little boy hasnt started school yet - but hearing stories like that make me nervous! im currently trying to decide a school and having spoken to a number of parents. Anyway my point is that the school should have some sort of an anti bullying policy. that's what my neighbour was saying is in place in her sons school - they do things like circle time and things like that. Obviously you would have to approach the teacher and make her aware of the situation and ask her to try something like this maybe? if there no result i would say approach the principal. i know its hard when its a small school.

and i kinda of disagree with the last post - moving school might be the best option for your daughter. if its on going and persistant and the school doesnt provide a large enough social circle, if it s possible mayb you should look into other schools. she ll need her social skills developed and good self esteem for the primary to secondary change anyway - i dont know really - it s a last resort i understand but worth looking into?

as i said, ive no real experience of this cos my boy is only 4 but i hope it is resolved for you.

best of luck.

TheColl

desper8hsewife wrote: »

very sorry to hear your daughter is having a tough time. My little boy hasnt started school yet - but hearing stories like that make me nervous! im currently trying to decide a school and having spoken to a number of parents. Anyway my point is that the school should have some sort of an anti bullying policy. that's what my neighbour was saying is in place in her sons school - they do things like circle time and things like that. Obviously you would have to approach the teacher and make her aware of the situation and ask her to try something like this maybe? if there no result i would say approach the principal. i know its hard when its a small school.

and i kinda of disagree with the last post - moving school might be the best option for your daughter. if its on going and persistant and the school doesnt provide a large enough social circle, if it s possible mayb you should look into other schools. she ll need her social skills developed and good self esteem for the primary to secondary change anyway - i dont know really - it s a last resort i understand but worth looking into?

as i said, ive no real experience of this cos my boy is only 4 but i hope it is resolved for you.

best of luck.

The last post also referred to this as a last resort.

OP, any update on the situation? Have you talked to the school any further?

desper8hsewife

didn't realise that you get corrected on every single thing you say on these posts! feel like im back in school being corrected. apologies for contradicting myself - but what i was trying to say was that i disagreed with the person who said that the child should not move school - and while i acknowledged it would be a last resort - that mayb in this situation its time to consider it. sorry i didnt make myself clear enough! was only trying to give my advice and opinion - mayb it will or wont help. either way think the little girls happiness is more important than whether i contradicted myself or not! hope the situation gets resolved soon for her sake. best of luck.

pooch90

To be honest I would have to agree that moving her be a last option,doing this will not help her develop coping skills in any way. She must address the situation head on-take a look at the issue of saying the wrong thing. Children can be very self aware and can self assess their behaviour. I'm not trying to say she's at fault so please don't think that. 3rd class is fast becoming the new time when girls get cliquey and a bit bitchy. But these cliques are still easily broken at this age. To be honest, from the way you describe it, I wouldn't really class this as bullying. They're all just trying to find where they stand in the pecking order.

Maybe invite some of the girls over for DVDs or a sleepover or something. If she wants to feel more a part of things, put the onus on her to engage with the girls not wait for a miracle which may never come.

Definitely make the teacher aware of your concerns-SPHE is a great subject to intervene in these situations

TheColl

desper8hsewife wrote: »

didn't realise that you get corrected on every single thing you say on these posts! feel like im back in school being corrected. apologies for contradicting myself - but what i was trying to say was that i disagreed with the person who said that the child should not move school - and while i acknowledged it would be a last resort - that mayb in this situation its time to consider it. sorry i didnt make myself clear enough! was only trying to give my advice and opinion - mayb it will or wont help. either way think the little girls happiness is more important than whether i contradicted myself or not! hope the situation gets resolved soon for her sake. best of luck.

sorry desper8, didn't mean to seem so... teachery i suppose! just thought you had misunderstood the other post.

curly from cork

we held out for years and eventually moved our child in 5 th class. best decision we ever took, in fact it was the child owns decision in the end. loved the new school, and never looked back.