Not into "monogamous relationships"

LegacyUser

I met a girl a few weeks ago in a bar. I thought she was one of the most beautiful girls I had seen. We hit it off right away. Had a great laugh. Things were going well, until she went to the bathroom, came back, and all of a sudden seemed very distant.

I was dissapointed. A couple days later, she adds me on facebook. We chat, mostly small talk. But I decided to take a chance, I had nothing to lose, and ask her out. She accepted.

We went out. Had a great time. Things never really got very flirty, but we connected well. She asked if I asked her out, because I'd read her blog. I said no, why?
She wouldn't elaborate, so when i got home, naturally, I decided to have a look at what she wrote on her blog.

She described the night we met, saying that she was smitten, found me, very charming and handsome, but she was afraid of getting hurt, as she'd just got out of a relationship, so she'd acted distant, and she was unsure of what to do.

I was shocked, and delighted. My heart was poundingI decided to take a chance. We had a text exchange, I told her I'd read the blog, and that I really liked her too. She texted back saying she was no longer into monogamous relationships, nor was she "easy", but she'd be willing to go on dates and she told me to "give it some thought".

So I don't know what to do now. Try and go out with her again, take it slow, see if I can win her over and risk really falling for her and breaking my heart? Or is she just trying to let me down gently, and I shouldn't waste the time and energy?

Any Advice?

vicecreamsundae

wow pretty strange about her writing this detailed blog about, adding you on facebook and then mentioning the blog -she clearly really wanted you to read it!

i find it a little contradicting that she says she's only looking for casual dates and nothing monogomous, yet was "afraid of getting hurt" the very first night she met?!

anyway, you seem to like each other so i would say definetly go out with her, but NOT with the intention of winning her over. bear in mind she's just out of a relationship and wants to keep it casual for the moment at least. so yeah go on a few dates and see how it goes!

TitoPuente

Sounds utterly bizarre to be honest. Have fun with her if you want but don't fall too quickly until you know what's really going on with her.

PopUp

She asked if I asked her out, because I'd read her blog. I said no, why?
She wouldn't elaborate, so when i got home, naturally, I decided to have a look at what she wrote on her blog.

Communicating by blog post is unbelievably immature. By all means see her again but you have a big red flag here.

In the future I can just see all the passive-aggressiveness, telling everybody she knows all about you and how the relationship is going, attention whoring... I would be running a mile.

TitoPuente

PopUp wrote: »

Communicating by blog post is unbelievably immature. By all means see her again but you have a big red flag here.

In the future I can just see all the passive-aggressiveness, telling everybody she knows all about you and how the relationship is going, attention whoring... I would be running a mile.

Yeah. On closer inspection... absolutely bonkers behaviour. Leggit.

shellyboo

She sounds absolutely nuts with that whole blog thing - also the "I'm not into monogamous relationships" stuff sounds like she's playing games. Run like the wind.

Barracudaincork

heartpounding wrote: »

I decided to have a look at what she wrote on her blog.

She described the night we met, saying that she was smitten, found me, very charming and handsome, but she was afraid of getting hurt, as she'd just got out of a relationship, so she'd acted distant, and she was unsure of what to do.

WTF? She did this on a blog, that many people can read after meeting you once, you must be one hellava guy!!! seriously if someone wrote this in their own personal diary that is held under lock and key after meeting someone once, i would be wary.

Also i would be worried if things went wrong you would be blogged about too!

LegacyUser

Well I actually disagree sounds like this girl is very insecure and I would say she really does have feelings for you but is scared....talk to her and give her a chance so you dont end up regretting letting her go...

Good luck with things!

Barracudaincork

shellyboo wrote: »

She sounds absolutely nuts with that whole blog thing - also the "I'm not into monogamous relationships" stuff sounds like she's playing games.

TBH not only does it sound like she is playing games, she sounds like she is that annoying lead one from Grey Anatomy, when everything is over analysised and talked about all the time and the "need" to tell people stuff is overwhelming. Also i think the not into monogamous relationships is just what all the cool kids are saying now, in a bit to act like they cant be tied down by one man etc etc So many games, its making Vancouver 2010 look like a school sports day!

dudara

Writing all this on a blog seems very weird (and more than a little attention seeking).

By all means continue to see her if you want, but try to communicate verbally (rather than through blogs etc) and be wary of the fact that you may also be a rebound relationship.

mood

PopUp wrote: »

Communicating by blog post is unbelievably immature. By all means see her again but you have a big red flag here.

In the future I can just see all the passive-aggressiveness, telling everybody she knows all about you and how the relationship is going, attention whoring... I would be running a mile.

Agree.

LegacyUser

Yeah it is ridiculously immature... especially all that fake 'not into monogamy' stuff (like all the cool kids, as someone above has said).

However, we were all immature (at least) once.

So, seeing as this girl has so many issues & insecurities, and seems to struggle with honest communication, you can lead by example e.g. don't match her in games. Tell her you like her but you are into monogamy and if she's not then thats ok but then she can't be your girlfriend.

That may elicit an honest response or it may set her off on all kinds of mind fooks, but the main thing is that you never compromise on what you want from this or any relationship.

I've a feeling she'll probably be alright if she sees you're a straight arrow. Game players tend to be crying for someone to call their bluff.

LegacyUser

I should elaborate that she's only over here as a student. Originally from America and is only readable by her facebook friends.

The bit about me, was written before she accepted me as a friend on facebook (actually, I was the one to friend request her), and was only a small part of a pretty long blog post, about work, hobbies, college etc.
And I kinda paraphrased it. She didn't explicitely say she was afraid of getting hurt etc. But you could read through the lines.

I agree it's a bit much to be putting out on the internet like that, but it's not unusual for facebook. Loads of people I know put far more personal stuff up there.

mood

heartpounding wrote: »

I should elaborate that she's only over here as a student. Originally from America and is only readable by her facebook friends.

The bit about me, was written before she accepted me as a friend on facebook (actually, I was the one to friend request her), and was only a small part of a pretty long blog post, about work, hobbies, college etc.
And I kinda paraphrased it. She didn't explicitely say she was afraid of getting hurt etc. But you could read through the lines.

I agree it's a bit much to be putting out on the internet like that, but it's not unusual for facebook. Loads of people I know put far more personal stuff up there.

The people who do this are foolish and childish and need to cop on.

Barracudaincork

heartpounding wrote: »

I agree it's a bit much to be putting out on the internet like that, but it's not unusual for facebook. Loads of people I know put far more personal stuff up there.

and we all think those that do that are a tad bit crazy or ott kinda thing. Its not normal to tell all 438 of your closest friends you are having your period and the cramps havent been this bad since you were 13 (i am unfortunatly quoting someone here!)

Facebook or any other social networking sites is not a place for private info IMO.

vicecreamsundae

^ i wouldn't call that oversharing....announcing that you feel sick as a dog, while not particularly riveting, seems about as legit as a facebook status as any other.

anyway i see a lot of people are calling her out on trying to be one of the cool kids for saying she's not into monogamy and i really don't think that's fair... as the OP mentioned she is just out of a long term relationship. she's dead right to be honest about not wanting anything monogamous right now. i don't see how that preference implies she's trying to be cool.

MisterMonkey

nurse malton wrote: »

Well I actually disagree sounds like this girl is very insecure and I would say she really does have feelings for you but is scared....talk to her and give her a chance so you dont end up regretting letting her go...

Good luck with things!

this is obv her

LegacyUser

Ok, I seem to be getting mixed opinions here

So here's a few more details.

She mentioned in her blog that I remind her of her ex boyfriend in looks and personality. Intended as a compliment, but I'm not sure what to make of that.

When I mentioned that I liked her I'd like to go out with her.
She said "I would like to meet up again, but I'm not exactly girlfriend material am I?"

For people who said she's insecure, you might be onto something. She's not exactly shy, but she seemed a bit embarrassed about me reading the blog and, when I said I liked her she thought I was taking the piss at first.

TitoPuente

heartpounding wrote: »

She mentioned in her blog that I remind her of her ex boyfriend in looks and personality. Intended as a compliment, but I'm not sure what to make of that.

Here's what to make of it - she's sharing the intimate details of her life with the world in her blog. Do you really want to be with a girl that's telling everyone you remind her of her ex one minute and then the next thing you know, telling them about the mole on your willy? You know what I mean.

daisybelle2008

heartpounding wrote: »

For people who said she's insecure, you might be onto something. She's not exactly shy, but she seemed a bit embarrassed about me reading the blog and, when I said I liked her she thought I was taking the piss at first.

It appears she is very insecure. If you want to go out with someone who is insecure you should be very secure yourself, otherwise the game-playing and need for validation and mixed-messages and uncertainty will take it's toll on you. But then a secure person most probably would not be attracted to a fix-up project and would want someone more centred and together (and over their ex!)

The Corinthian

She's not into "monogamous relationships" because she does not want to invent in one and get burnt again so soon after her last one. Reality is that she is saying more to convince herself than you and would consider herself monogamous the moment you are seeing each other longer than a month.

She's insecure, lonely and she fancies the OP. She wants him. TBH, she couldn't have made this more obvious to him if she had put landing lights on her legs.

She's there for the taking. Up to the OP if he wants to do so and if so if this will be something serious or just a fling.