Sexting

LegacyUser

Hi everybody,

Going unreg for this. I've got 2 wonderings oin relation to sexting, as it has very recently touched my life in 2 very differnet ways. Also apologies for using the word sext- but its the best word to describe it really.


1) My boyfriend (we're now on a break) sexted someone very close to me(related to me), ostensibly becasue he was drunk & stupid & I wouldn't have phone sex and he was horny. Now I know this is the part that get people to say "kick him to the kerb", however I played a head game with him a few months back, which was immature and stupid of me. I told him I drunkenly kissed someone else, just to see if he would get jealous, as he has never been the slightest bit jealous of other guys attentions being paid to me.

He told me after the head game that I played that he didn't get jealous cause he trusts(ed?) me not to act on it & it just means he has a hot girlfriend. However this did cause problems as he was understandably head wrecked over it all. I don't know now if I can be as big hearted and forgive him the sexting as he forgave the headgame. I'm just hurt and angry and heartbroken over the thought that this one guy who has treated me better then any other guy will not be the man Imarry and have kids with. I want us to be able to work thingsout, he's my best friend too, and I just don't know if we can.

Any way that brings me to my first question, how do we move on from here to get a healthy relationship back? I'm very much in love with him, and while being single has its good points, I'm much more of a settle down and have kids kind of girl.

2) A work-mate of mine, since moved jobs, is married with 2 kids. Really nice guy, but the other night he sexted me. Now he backed out and apologised the next day, I didn't sext him back cause I just wouldn't do that to his wife, I might not know her, but its still not a nice thing to do.

He said he did it at the time casue he has always thought I'm sexy, and he thinks it even more now cause of my photos on my social networking site (not saying which one, just in case someone figures out who I, and therefor everyone else connected to this post, am) and he would like to teach me some stuff, hook up when his wife is next way, and that he is bored and a bit lonely and that basically even just talking to me made him feel better and he'd like some fun.

Now the next day he apologised and said to forget everything he said cause a) he was drunk, b) he wouldn't want to lose his wife & kids. Now I know this and I know even if I had sexted him back, or agreed to hooking up, that he would have backed out the nextday with a very red face and praying for amnesia.

Now my question(s) about this is, why me? What makes someone decide who're they are gonna sext? that they thing the person will sext back, or a latent desire for the person? or is it really just boredom and looking for an illict, albeit tempory, thrill? Is it an insult or a compliment to have been thus propositioned?

sleepyescapade

why oh why wrote: »

I'm just hurt and angry and heartbroken over the thought that this one guy who has treated me better then any other guy will not be the man Imarry and have kids with.

So why play with his head? Baffled.

vicecreamsundae

When you say sext do you mean texted a nudie photo of themself, or just some dirty talk?

as for the first case... that really sucks... if a boyfriend were to hit on my sister via text, for example, id be really freaked out and im not sure if that's something i could get over...i dont know, i mean if he was really drunk maybe he thought it was funny or something.. argh i dont know, even thinking about it now grosses me out!
at the same time, i dont know if its as bad as actualllly cheating and seeing as you seemed to feel really serious about him and your future maybe see how you feel over the next week or two and consider giving him a chance.

as for the second case, i'd just forget about. it means he fancies you but i wouldnt read into it anymore than that. pretend it never happened, but be wary of him and if you feel like he's flirting with you again tell him straight out it makes you uncomfortable.

pftt. men! :P

TitoPuente

why oh why wrote: »

Now I know this is the part that get people to say "kick him to the kerb", however I played a head game with him a few months back, which was immature and stupid of me. I told him I drunkenly kissed someone else, just to see if he would get jealous, as he has never been the slightest bit jealous of other guys attentions being paid to me.

Actually, I'd be inclined to "kick him to the kerb" so that you can both mature a little bit before getting involved in an adult relationship. You both sound incredibly reckless and immature. Nothing wrong with this (provided you are actually young) but maybe being in a serious relationship and thinking about marriage/kids isn't exactly where either of you should be right now?

Barracudaincork

To answer your first question, Karma has come back to bite you. You played games and hurt him and he has done the same, get over it! Its the only way you can move on, get over it and forget it and dont ever treat him like that again. Both of you are as bad as each other in this case, which is why i say get over it and move on.

The 2nd question, id say the guy didnt lie to you, he thought you were sexy and he chanced his arm, it doesnt mean he though of you as an easy target etc it is a compliment of some sorts (the fact he is married, means a pri*k complimented you, sorry but thats true), again accept his apology and forget about it.

Exclamation Marc

You've set yourself a dangerous precendent by the headgames you played with him, as did he when he "sexted" someone close to you. Did he forgive the headgame or you being with someone else, as in, does he know you made it up? Also, if you're prepared to play headgames with him and hurt him like that, maybe you should think if you really do love him, you may have been hurt, but deliberately hurting someone back isn't a good sign.

If as you said you don't know you if can forgive him, then unfortunately you'll never get back to a healthy relationship. And don't forgive him for it purely because you want the relationship, you need to be over it and past it otherwise if you're not it will seriously bite you in the ass down the line, and thats from personal experience. Also don't forgive him purely because he is the one who has treated you best, forgive him (if you can) because you want to forgive him. If you can't, then you're in the wrong relationship I'm afraid. Hopefully you can (if you want to)

On the second one, I know guys who sext because they're bored/horny/drunk. And the people they text are usually between those who are either gorgeous/flirty/nice people. I genuinely don't think there's a class of person who are "victims" of sexts because all types of people get them

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys.

The why as to the head game, I was feeling really insecure & instead of talking to him about it, I played a game. He does know it was a game, and forgave me. It took time though. I think thats why however consciously or not he did it, thats why he sext someone. (by sext I'm refering to dirty talk messages, no photos)

The headgames is not something I'd ever do again, its not something I've ever done before either. I can forgive the sext, its more the fact it happened, and the head game I played and stuff. You shouldn't do that to someone you love. It's both of our most serious long term (nay first proper) relationship, and part of me thinks that maybe we got together and got serious to young, that we never really grew past our late teens urges to go out and be single and let our hair down.

I've always been in a relationship, sometimes with total dickheads. I've been thinking that maybe both of our mistakes are signs that we need some time before doing the marriage, mortgage, kids thing. I do know that he's the guy I see beside me when I'm 80. We'veboth hurt eachother, and part of that has involved a 3 party (reciever of his sext message)so it'snot just our issue any more. I think thats whats got me more then anything else, that his actions have dragged someone else into our relationship.

As for being immature, possibly. We are young ish(early 20s) but not so young that we are kids. I project my imsecurites onto him and vice versa, and this I feel is the big thing we need to address so that we don't end up in a similar boat in a few months/years etc time.

I'm constantly afraid of losing him, and losing my sense of my attracivness. Is this the mythical 7 year itch? That after 7 years of being together, and not exploring with other peole that we've both kind of lost the path a bit? I'm just a bit head wreckedabout us making our final decision, cause it is a big deal. I mean its going to affect both of our futures, so I want to be sure we make the right call.

Has anyone else been through this kind of confusing period in their relationships?