Break up - confused

LegacyUser

Broke up with my partner after over a year together. Both felt the same - mutual parting in that we felt we had no connection. 'Just friends' came up to describe what we had become.



I'm feeling different now though. It's only been a short few days, but I'm questioning whether we made the right decision. We are both extremely upset about this, but both felt the same regarding this so called spark.



Is it possible to get the spark going again? We are taking a few weeks to think about things, and whilst yesterday I didn't want to continue the relationship, I really really miss having them around etc etc.



What does this spark feel like? How do I know if a relationship is worth the effort or not? And are they supposed to be hard work? Do people that are compatible with each other have the same common interests?

When you break up with someone, how do you know if it's the right decision or if you should work at it to make things right?



Finally [this is what I really want to know], if you both really want it to work, can it work? Or is it a case of sometimes trying to force something that's not meant to be?

encore1

sometimes relationships are hard work! i went thru pretty much the exact same thing only a while ago and it was the worst decision i've ever made in my life!
that spark doesn't always have to be there all the time. i think that what we expect from relationships has been greatly influenced by stupid hollywood love stories, where we each have a soulmate and once you meet them, thats it, happily ever after, no work needed......what a load of balls! seriously!

after thinking about this in depth for quite some time now, i really and truly believe that if two people honeslty want it to work then it can - but thats where the hard work bit comes in and once you work through that, the spark will slowly come back. I only wish i realised all this before my relationship ended.......

might sound a bit drastic, but would you consider couples therapy? i know i would if i got the chance.

best of luck with it!

wurzlitzer

I agree with everything that encore has said.
life is not like the movies...

if you really love and care for this person even if ye are going through a bit of rough patch..work on it, and make sure you say sorry, ask for forgiveness, and have acceptance of the other person

Everyone has little faults...and quirks...tolerance and acceptance is key...regret nothing, live in the now and please work on the relationship if she is the one..and it is never too late

the same happened me recently..where my ex refuses to work on it and it is just breaking my heart...and i am trying to move on...but if I had a time machine..i would not pick insignificant arguments and be less critical etc and maybe we would still be together..

show her how much you appreciate her somehow...

but do please try and work on it if your OH is willing

good luck

LegacyUser

Hi, me again
So far so good then with what I'm hearing. Things CAN be worked and made successful. I've become to realise that I was content with them, and no matter what relationship I'm in, there are always going to be difficult times and obstacles to conquer. Still going to take the few weeks to think about it. I'm feeling okayish now that I've gotten over the initial breakup stress. I still want them in my life though. I don't want to be with anybody else.

Is it wrong that I'm coping okay, or does the fact that I'm not crying or not thinking "how will I go on without them" mean that I'm not really in love? Maybe it's just lust. Or the idea of loving someone/having them love me.

encore1

lol, what are you taking a few weeks for?! there are no dress rehearsals in this life......if you want them back, tell them and tell them that you want to do whatever it takes to get back to where you once were.
sounds a bit morbid, but hey, we could all be dead tomorrow.......just do it, life is too short.
there are plenty of couples therapists around the place and i know from talking to a friend of mine, who i thought was in the most stable/secure/perfect relationship that they went through a patch a couple of years ago where they went for just over a year without sex.....went for therapy.......and now they're like rabbits again and more in love than they were before!

best of luck OP, let us know how it goes

LegacyUser

Hi, will do. Wish me luck

encore1

any updates for us.....?!