Best Friend threatening to out me!

cooltown

I am a 17 year old guy. I can barely accept being gay myself. I don't really like it at all. I hate whoI am over it. On in November I was talking to my best friend and I basically told him I was gay thinking he would be supportive. The words I am gay never came out of my mouth though. Ever since then he's being using it over me. He kind of black mails me. He makes me do work for him and he makes me say stupid comments in class. He says if I don't he'll tell everybody that I'm gay. What should I do? To be honest he's my only friend really! I'm just so sick of my life.

Feeky Magee

Friend?

sashafierce

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sashafierce

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Tricity Bendix

Your 'best friend' is a tool. Start a rumour that he's gay.

Boston

Sounds like he's completely bullying you. That is not the behaviour of a friend.

ajxx

cooltown wrote: »

I am a 17 year old guy. I can barely accept being gay myself. I don't really like it at all. I hate whoI am over it. On in November I was talking to my best friend and I basically told him I was gay thinking he would be supportive. The words I am gay never came out of my mouth though. Ever since then he's being using it over me. He kind of black mails me. He makes me do work for him and he makes me say stupid comments in class. He says if I don't he'll tell everybody that I'm gay. What should I do? To be honest he's my only friend really! I'm just so sick of my life.

Best friend? seriously ya dont need him. Ignore him - I have no idea where you are in school but your likely in leaving cert or pre leaving cert year its only a year left. Id focus a bit on books etc and maybe seek new friends.

I came out to 3 people in school - 2 girls and a boy. I spoke to them all seperately and none of them knew the others did. They all kept it quiet. One of the boys told his parents and while they initially didnt like it they didnt get involved or interfere (he is a macho county footballer so I think they were afraid of their son becoming a fairy) and I never seen them so it didnt really matter. However since school Iv (in a roundabout way) told most of the boys I knew and many of the girls. They all took it well and essentially no weird treatment - if anything it was me treating them weird by not going out with them for fear of being spotted.

If your not into big groups then there is usually people worse off than you in school and maybe there might be others who feel lonely or have no friends - maybe seek to become friends with them - your doing them, and yourself a favour....

If youd prefer big groups than maybe there might be one or two people in these groups who is nicer.... Maybe try casually get to know them... the odd sentence about the weather / lastest rugby match/ b1tch of a teacher etc...

Again a bit generic but PM me if you wanna talk.

who is this

One of two things are what I'd do (wouldn't be too inclined to do the first, mind you):

1. Let him and deny it (if you must - have to emphasise that part). People say that kind of thing all the time, just laugh it off, or act how you would if someone else said it about you (i.e. someone who didn't know it to be fact)

2. Let him and confirm it (or beat him to the punch). Being gay in secondary school isn't as bad as you'd imagine, if you have the right attitude and keep things in perspective. Yes there's slags, but they never bothered me - if it wasn't that, it would've been something else, like if my mam's name were "Jacinta", or were half-Italian, or fat (I may have even helped :rolleyes: ).

Sir Ophiuchus

I suggest you tell someone you trust much more. Maybe an older relative you can be sure will be accepting and supportive, or a godmother or something. They can help you figure out how to deal with this jackass.

If you feel like there's no-one you can talk to, you should call the Samaritans (1850 60 90 90; 24/7) or the Dublin Gay Switchboard (01 872 1055; Mon-Thurs, 7pm-9pm) - both are resources for people to talk to, are completely anonymous, and will neither judge you nor try to tell you what to do.

Please talk to someone and get some support - this is a time in your life where you really need it.

Cabbage Brained

Hi mate,

First off, congratulations for realising you are gay at such a young age. A lot of people aren't nearly that mature, it's a big thing. Accepting it is the next step, but that will come in time.

This must be extremely tough for you if you consider that he is your only friend. The fact is, he is bullying you. Badly. I would strongly advise you to seek out a counsellor/ teacher in the school who you can trust. Tell them your situation, tell them you're gay, and tell them what he is doing. It is extremely serious and should be grounds for expulsion tbh. He is an absolute prick and he deserves everything he gets, so don't feel bad for a moment.

If this isn't an option, then you have to stand up for yourself more. Tell him to **** off next time he asks you to do something. Tell him you couldn't give a **** who he tells, because he's a prick and nobody will believe him anyway. If he does start to tell people, when the drama starts to ensue tell everybody that he's just bitter because you rejected his advances. It sounds a lot more believable than you having told him, people don't tend to voluntarily come out at that age. Just be confident when people ask you about it.

And if it all starts to feel like it's bothering you too much, remember, school is nearly finished and soon enough, if you don't want to, you will never have to see any of these people again.

And, on the positive side, being gay can be a great way to meet people! There's an instant common ground, and there will be loads of other young guys in your situation at your age who are coming out and looking for new mates.

Best of luck

keepkeyyellow

what year are you in ? cause if it was 6th year i'd just tell everyone myself and give him the finger and enjoy your last 3 months of school before you f off to college :P but meh

is it a boy's school or mixed btw ?

unreggd

tell people yourself, and thank your "fellow gay friend" for all his help and advice

PeteK*

Me thinks you shouldn't care.. hard to say that to yourself but life goes on. But you've got lots of help here!

Nebit

An ex friend of mine started a rumour that i was gay in 5th year because i wouldn't shift her at some party (the village bicycle that never got turned down). Turned out that this was true, but at the time i wasn't ready to tell anyone. In the end it went around school and everyone laughed saying there was no way i was gay.
Trust me i think i heard a rumour that 40% of the guys in my school were gay, its just a childish piss pull that every school has to deal with. Let it go around, I wouldnt worry about anyone believing it. Just tell him to F off next time.
That's when you will go about finding new mates.

LegacyUser

Oh god you poor thing.....you may have to deal with that a lot throughout your life, but to have to deal with that from your friend is horrible....

If it was me in that situation I would just say to him if you say anything you will tell everyone he is gay too, and that you are a couple...see how he reacts to that...

dont mind him at all, please try and make some new friends.

take care

hitlersson666

Everyone in my school thinks im gay if he does say it then just shrug it off :P oh and tell people he's gay if he says the same about you

Heebie

He is NO friend to you. He is a user, and a tool, a loser, and he doesn't deserve your friendship.

If HE is your "best friend".. then you probably haven't yet found any TRUE friends.. and shouldn't be worried about whether you "lose" any of them due to a rumour about your sexuality. You'll probably be heading off to college and a new world soon enough.. you'll have plenty of opportunities to meet other people & make friends.. some of whom might even deserve the position of "best friend" to you, certainly some of whom will be supportive of you without regard to your sexuality.

You say you "hate who I am over it".. that's definitely not something you should be feeling... because it's this other guy you should be angry with!

cooltown wrote: »

I am a 17 year old guy. I can barely accept being gay myself. I don't really like it at all. I hate whoI am over it. On in November I was talking to my best friend and I basically told him I was gay thinking he would be supportive. The words I am gay never came out of my mouth though. Ever since then he's being using it over me. He kind of black mails me. He makes me do work for him and he makes me say stupid comments in class. He says if I don't he'll tell everybody that I'm gay. What should I do? To be honest he's my only friend really! I'm just so sick of my life.

crotalus667

Tricity Bendix wrote: »

Your 'best friend' is a tool. Start a rumour that he's gay.

+1 tell every one he tried to kiss you , it will make any thing he says about you look like he is covering his own arse (no pun intended)
He is blackmailing you , if it was me when i was your age I would not stand for it:mad:

Chuchoter

Out yourself before he outs you. Then say he's a jilted lover.

Jason2379

Hmm, something similar happened to me and all I can say is to take advantage of the situation.

I told a friend that I was gay and from the minute I told him I knew it was a 'mistake' at the time. He dragged another girl into a room and told her. He denied that he had told her, but I knew. A few weeks later, it seemed everyone knew about me. Luckily, everyone was fine with it. But I was cornered and I had to tell my family, it was basically the whole 'coming out' process.

There's never a right time to "come out" and that's what I kept telling myself when I told my parents. Probably the best thing I could ever have thought of because life is as good, if not better now.

I can't speak for you when I was in my second year of college (and knowing that I was gay practically my whole life) and your still in secondary school because like it or lump it, things are different in school. But if you do decide to take this advice, your one hell of a stronger person than I was.

cooltown

Thanks for all the advice!
Just to let ye know how thing's are geeting on! I am not really friends with him anymore I set beside him in a few class's and that the only time I talk to him! He did tell two people about what happened and I kind of laughed it off! Thing's are improving a little bit now! I know no matter where I go though I'm going to meet pr*cks who are going to hurt me about being gay! I am still being bullied about it but at least I know the summer holidays are nearly here!
Thanks!