Not a crush in years

LegacyUser

Hi, im just wondering is this a normal experience as you reach your late 20s?
Im 28 now, I havent gone out with a girl since I was 22. I am rarely with women, except the odd one night stand here or there, or maybe "seeing" a girl for a night or 2 before I let it fizzle out.
The truth is I havent felt a serious crush for a girl in years. Even if I do kind of like a girl, I tend to back off very quick,or lose interest very quick, sometimes its a fear of them thinking i might be boring or the general fear of them being disappointed. But its not just that, any girl ive been with in the past few years has ended up with me ending it, or moreso , not letting it happen, but often its just because im just not that into them.

I was absolutely crazy about 2 girls in my life. One , was my first girlfriend when I was 19,and it took me years to get over it, even now, I still get a bit jealous seeing her with her boyfriend etc.Dont get me wrong, were miles beyond all that, and I even encouraged them to get together. weird eh?
The second girl I got over fairly quickly.
I have had small previous crushes before that too though.

Sorry if Im rambling here, my main point is, I havent really really fancied a girl in years, you know that feeling where you genuinely want to get in touch with them asap, or the feeling of excitement when they text you etc. Im almost addicted to being by myself. Ive never been great for scoring women in the first place, but that aside, I never have crushes anymore.

Did anyone else go through anything like this in their lifetime, and end up meeting someone?

My fear is that I am in search of something that no longer exists, i.e. something you only get in your teens or whatever.

A good example was recently, me and girl got chatting at a house party, for the next few months she made it perfectly obvious she was into me. This girl is good looking, friendly , kind hearted. I was texting her for a while too, we still hadnt even kissed or anything. My friend started asking me "why dont ya just get with her, see how it goes, you dont have to marry her!!". He was right, but I just cant see the point in getting with someone Im only slightly interested in. I know that might sound over logical or whatever, but id just feel uncomfortable.

Sorry again for the rant, just wanted to know has anyone else experienced something similar.

Angus Og

Well, most people seem to use crush negatively. Maybe it's time you started looking beyond your romantic ideals? After all, it doesn't sound as though you give people much of a chance to make an impression.

LegacyUser

Your right, I dont give people a chance, its not out of my own 'standards' or anything. Its just why lead someone on when you genuinely think you dont have an interest. Maybe Ill just have to start taking more risks, and see how things go with people.

As for treating a crush as a negative thing, thats a fair point. But is it not fair to say that when 2 people are going with each other, the majority did genuinely fancy each other first?

Thanks

Angus Og

No, I've heard of people who ended up together where there had been little to start with. You do need to take risks because you have to remember that people aren't always as they first appear.

You say you can't see the point of getting with someone you're only slightly interested in, but that slight interest is based on the little you know of them. You have to let the defences down or every woman you meet will appear this way.

Give them a chance. As your friend said, you don't have to get married, just let things happen. Also, you really need to see them in person more. Never judge people by a text relationship.

LegacyUser

Dude,

For what it's worth, I could've written the same post. You're not alone. I am hoping too that there is "that someone" out there.

Best of luck.