It's All A Willy Levitating Illusion!

cson

5.30pm. Another hard day at work over. A good lot of boards read. A good lot of arseing around accomplished. And more importantly the nadir of any hard working day - the paid shite during work. Solid shift at the office by all accounts. Even the normal banger 99-D-Scummy bus they usually have on the 83 route had morphed into a spanking new-ish 08 model. All was good in the world of cson.

And there she was. Shining, shimmering, sitting two seats in front of me. A sly glance at the frontage courtesy of Dublin Bus' reflective pretend-your-looking-out-the-window-when-you're-really-actually-perving glass confirmed it. Tits: Check. Shapely maiden: Check. Moustache: Negative. Tranny: Needs further examination. By all accounts this comely specimen of maiden would have had all the traits to have been banged by cson esquire were he not otherwise engaged with a comely maiden of his own at this moment in time.

She stood up stirring me out of this daydream I was in. At Phibsboro, which put me off her a bit, I won't lie to ya. I saw her then. As raw and rough as **** she was. Ultimate example of BOBFOC. And no, that's not a Kama Sutra position or some mangled version of a Tesco sale offer. It's Body Off Baywatch: Face Off Crimewatch. Serious case of a wan you'd do after pinking - thinking with the pink lad.

What the jaysus hell had attracted me to the Phibsboro frightener in the first place? It struck be there and then. Her feckin' Pamela Anderson schtyle hair. The blondeness. Sucking in my leering. A true willy levitating illusion. Proper brown bag job. It got me thinking; what if she had brown hair? Or god forbid... ginger? Well I most likely would have left my leering to another comely maiden. But because she had blonde hair I'd prolly have given her one after a few jars too many.

According to the Central Pulled It Out Of My Arse Statistics Office; only between 10-20% of the population are actually blonde. Now even Crazy Joe McCluskey knows that a cursory glance on the streets will tell you this is closer to 85.67%. So are these wimmins fooling us? Are they playing on the male weakness of predisposition to the blonde species in order to get themselves their hole? Birds that normally would have to wait until 3am when Pat is ****ing off his rocker and can't feel his face anymore to get the roide are getting it now thanks to this blonde operation they've got going on.

It's all a bit overwhelming for me. Remember me as a hero when I'm lynched by the blonde mob for revealing their evil operation they've got going on..... :eek:

jd007

So you met a woman?

Luno

If you want a bird with class go for a brunette!

Stay true to your colours folks!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

you try to hard.

cson

jd007 wrote: »

So you met a woman?

If you mean by met that I perved, then yes.

Hazys

What?

we'llallhavetea_old

"BOBFOC" - love it

kowloon

What?

Scarydoll

Your girl friend is one lucky lady.

AckwelFoley

too much to read..

I'll watch the DVD

Luno

snyper wrote: »

too much to read..

I'll watch the DVD

tl;dr: He was eying up a bird on a bus but figured out she was a skanger

partyatmygaff

http://images.google.ie/url?source=imgres&ct=img&q=http://hoox.files.wordpress.com/2006/08/chav1.jpg&usg=AFQjCNHSY9xaPRooIUOcTF_SrNg7EIU__w

alwaysadub

Your a man-you checked out her tits 1st then eventually worked up to her face.
Is that not a every day thing for a man to do no?

/this maybe a generalisation. (or maybe all the men i know are pervs..)

bonerm

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

"BOBFOC" - love it

I prefer Butterface ... the term that is.

syklops

It was me in drag.

I love my blonde wig.

myflipflops

cson wrote: »

And more importantly the nadir of any hard working day - the paid shite during work. :

This is a highlight of many a mans day. I lost respect for you after this declaration.

smegmar

I like the stylized writing, maybe you should try your hand at graphic novels. anyway, I think it's fair point to say many lads have see a feamon and thought what a beauty she is, based solely on cleavage and a bit of leg maybe.

Moral of the story: It is important to check the face before coming to any conclusions on the hotness of a woman.

we'llallhavetea_old

bonerm wrote: »

I prefer Butterface ... the term that is.

mwah! better

cson

myflipflops wrote: »

This is a highlight of many a mans day. I lost respect for you after this declaration.

I won't lie. I tried to look intellectual and ****ed up royally. It is the highlight. You're too smart for me myflipflops, you can see through my fancy schmancy words that don't make sense.

InkSlinger67

cson wrote: »

It's All A Willy Levitating Illusion!

I'm sure Derren Brown's solicitors will be in touch about stealing the title of his next "Event".

He does it with his mind apparently!

cson

scareydoll wrote: »

Your girl friend is one lucky lady.

She god damn well is.

M&S* wrote: »

tl;dr: He was eying up a bird on a bus but figured out she was a skanger

I think the metaphor in that story is like the bus bit at the beginning; they usually have an old banger running the 83 route but today they had a brand spaning new-ish one on the route. Strip away the flashy flashyness and their essentially the same thing - a bus. I've forgotten what point I'm trying to make here. Feck.

Hazys

M&S* wrote: »

tl;dr: He was eying up a bird on a bus but figured out she was a skanger

Why didnt he just say that?

Fear Uladh

cson wrote: »

According to the Central Pulled It Out Of My Arse Statistics Office; only between 10-20% of the population are actually blonde. Now even Crazy Joe McCluskey knows that a cursory glance on the streets will tell you this is closer to 85.67%.

I would say its 95%, I blame sex and the city.

Prof.Badass

Don't lose heart, it sometimes (albeit more rarely) turns out the other way.....

One fine late afternoon last year I was sitting on the top deck of a bus going out to a friend's place when the bus stopped at rathmines. There was a decent crowd at the bus stop including a very attractive girl of college-going age wearing one of those low cut "flowing"-type tops. Anyway she leant to over fix something in her bag before picking it up. As she was doing this i chanced a glance, and after what felt like forever of her top hanging tantalisingly close to the critical point she bent just a tiny bit lower and it all came into clear view (yes and by it all i mean her boobs) . It's the type of thing you think never happens (they always manage to stop just short, always :mad:) but that day was my lucky day. The best part was the guy in front of me only started looking when she was on her way back up and the show was over. I was smart enough to look away but i'm pretty sure he got caught out as he made a sudden head movement and looked the other way .

So top-deck perving success for me :cool:.

cson

Hazys wrote: »

Why didnt he just say that?

Because I wanted to turn it into some beautiful Romeo and Juliet set on a Dublin Bus love story. Heading all the way to Finglas. There's romance in that somewhere.

Dyr

cson wrote: »

Shining, shimmering, sitting two seats in front of me. A sly glance at the frontage courtesy of Dublin Bus' reflective pretend-your-looking-out-the-window-when-you're-really-actually-perving glass confirmed it. Tits: Check. Shapely maiden: Check. Moustache: Negative. Tranny: Needs further examination. By all accounts this comely specimen of maiden would have had all the traits to have been banged by cson esquire were he not otherwise engaged with a comely maiden of his own at this moment in time. :eek:

I'm calling bullsh*te, the new dublin buses have those plexiglass distorty windows that make perving-disguised-as-looking-out-the-window maneuver's nigh on impossible

m@cc@

cson wrote: »

comely specimen of maiden

cson wrote: »

comely maiden of his own

cson wrote: »

another comely maiden

Would you like a thesaurus?

cson

Bambi wrote: »

I'm calling bullsh*te, the new dublin buses have those plexiglass distorty windows that make perving-disguised-as-looking-out-the-window maneuver's nigh on impossible

The reflection of the light agaist the plexiglass distorty window aided by the blackness of the phenonmen known as night time multiplied by pie over yore oul wan resulted in me being able to perve. :cool:

cson

m@cc@ wrote: »

Would you like a thesaurus?

Damn you m@cc@ pouring scorn upon my limited vocabababab-you-larry.

Yes please.

Leave it in a discreet package on the third last seat on the left hand side of the 83. Thanks.

myflipflops

cson wrote: »

I won't lie. I tried to look intellectual and ****ed up royally. It is the highlight. You're too smart for me myflipflops, you can see through my fancy schmancy words that don't make sense.

Sorted, I can read the rest of the post now.

You must understand how I could have lacked respect for a man who seemingly sneers at being paid to paint the porcelain.

brendansmith

What the fukk is the op on about?

bonzodog2

m@cc@ wrote: »

Would you like a thesaurus?

You don't expect him to shag one of those do ya ?

cson

brendansmith wrote: »

What the fukk is the op on about?

Wimmins, buses and thesaurus's. Not in any particular order.

bonerm

brendansmith wrote: »

What the fukk is the op on about?

OK, Just imagine you're still in church saying your weekly mass and you notice out of the corner of your eye a lovely looking alter-boy with a nice firm arse. You're suddenly very excited at the thought, but then the bell rings! He looks up and to your dissapointment you he has the face of Sloth from the goonies.

Rabies

boring

cson

Rabies wrote: »

boring

Armour piercing self esteem destroying dagger

Rabies

cson wrote: »

Armour piercing self esteem destroying dagger

http://www.globalinsult.com/images/booyah1.JPG

brendansmith

bonerm wrote: »

OK, Just imagine you're still in church saying your weekly mass and you notice out of the corner of your eye a lovely looking alter-boy with a nice firm arse. You're suddenly very excited at the thought, but then the bell rings! He looks up and to your dissapointment you he has the face of Sloth from the goonies.

Id ride sloth.

bonerm

brendansmith wrote: »

Id ride sloth.

I bet ya would ya randy old goat.

oppenheimer1

cson wrote: »

Even the normal banger 99-D-Scummy bus they usually have on the 83 route had morphed into a spanking new-ish 08 model.

About fucking time!

cson

oppenheimer1 wrote: »

About fucking time!

Tell me about it.

Anyway the moral of the story is that all wimmin are smelly pirate hookers except your mother and your sister.

Midnight_EG

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