Need advice

LegacyUser

Hi. I am at my wits ends today. My marriage is falling apart and it is all my fault. Our marriage was rocky but has been better in recent months. Over ayr ago I was in the same situation but as recognuised I had certain issues which were ruining my life and my husbands so I got help and attended counselling for about 6 months. I thought everything was find and I was dealing wiht thisngs. We were in a good place and my marriage was getting better. However, I now believe I have a drink problem and I am not sure how to deal wiht this. There is something seriously wrong with me. I have a self distruct button and I dont know how to stop. When I drink which is every weekend I never know when ot stop. I am always last one to leave. This weekend was a disaster. I was being very discilined and drank lots of water. I was relatively sober late in the night. Then someone started doing shots. I joined in and I have blacked out. I do not remember the sequence of events but after sometime I ended up in a compromising position wiht a friend of my parners. He walked in and caught us.

Now I have to try to sort this out. Where do I start. I love my husband but I think I may be bad for him. All I do is cause him pain. I am very low at the moment and cannot eat, drink or sleep. I have made an app with as adiction clinic this afternoo. and have also found out where the local AA meetings are help. My OH thinks I need psyciatric help and not a counsellor or psychotherapist. I feel very distructive and believe I am suffering from mental illness. Where do I go and on a limited budget.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Well first of all WELL DONE! Admitting you have a problem and that you need help is the first step of recovery and it's a very hard step to take. You've already started the ball rolling. Just follow up all appointments with doctors and your AA meetings and you'll be making a great start. If you feel you have mental problems you should contact your GP first of all and he can help you to figure out a plan of action from there on.

Try to be good to yourself at the minute, you're going through alot.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

OP here again. I have sorted some counselling regarding my drinking but now I feel that as I am sorting out this part I have other issues to sort out too. I am beginning to get flashbacks to the weekend and what actually happened. Something which came across as my fault or that I had a major part to paly in the incident is not what it seems. Due to some of my past behaviour which I thought I had left behind and change a long time ago no one can see or will see it from my perspective. I had way too much ot drink as did many others tha night but I feel that is all I am guilty of. Not knowing when to stop and not seeing certain signals for what they were. There was a guy there who was also very drunk. He actually gave me quit a lot to drink and I do remember feeling he was trying to get me drunk. So why did I not leave? I was so drunk I could not see sense. He kissed me and I remember pushing him away. But it was all in a joking way because I was embarrassed for him I suppose as I knew he was pissed and chancing his arm. I feel sit to the pit of my stomach as I feel that there has been a violation. Although no intercourse took place. I was passed out on the but he was messing wiht me. At the same time I know he was not in his full senses.

This is such a mess. We are both married to other people and my OH walked in. He cant believe what he saw and now that his anger is lifting he is aware that I was passed out. I just do not know what do do with this. I do have strong flash back to pushing him away.

Maybe hypnotherapy would help to remember more.