Death of a twin & birthday coming up.

cargorlaur

Hi all,

Trying to find a Bereavement section but I don't see one, so I guess I'll post here.

My friends and I have a bit of a conundrum...

Our good friend, who is a twin, passed away in the Autumn.

The 1st birthday since our friends passing, is coming up next week.

We are unsure of what to do about gifts & cards for both the twin who is living and the twin who passed away.

Is there a protocol when it comes to the 1st birthday after a death?

We don't want to inadvertently disrespect the occasion by arriving up with gifts for our friend who is still here and look totally insensitive to the fact that they might be feeling very sad and upset.

Yet, we don't want to let the occasion pass by and deliberately ignore the fact that its their birthday out of some misguided sense of etiquette!

Its really hard to know what to do...:(

I'm just looking for opinions about what other people would do in this situation.

Thanks in advance for any replies...

Blisterman

I'd say bring a gift, or even better, bring him/her out for dinner or something.
That way you're celebrating the occasion, but also hopefully lifting your friend's spirits, and showing them, you're there as friends.

You can't really predict whether or not you'll upset them on the day, but hopefully they'll appreciate the gesture.

neuro-praxis

This will be the saddest, loneliest birthday the living twin has ever experienced, so I'd say be ready to be there for them on the day, however they may need you. I would definitely get gifts and cards and remind them that you love them.

Your friend is lucky to have you.

duracell_bunny

Hiya. I'm not sure what the protocol is in your situation but one idea is to make a small donation to a charity in memory of the twin that passed and let the other twin know that you remembered his birthday in that way.

central

This time is going to be very difficult for your friend who is still living so maybe you could get some flowers and go to the cemetry together (assuming they were buried). This will let the living twin know you haven't forgotten the twin no longer here and also will hopefully make them feel loved and cared for and thought for by you to consider and suggest this.....

AvaKinder

I think the best thing to do would be to ask your friend what they would like to do. They may want to spend the day with family, or surrounded by friends. If they live alone I might also suggest a night out overnight somewhere, or people staying over so that after the celebrations they don't go home and get very down, it's a tricky situation.

cargorlaur

Thanks all for the replies!!... I appreciate that.:o

I've been talking to my friends all morning about it... we are divided on what to do...some say we should only get a birthday card & meet for a drink...

But I just don't know...I would like to get something more meaningful than just a card?

Half of us were hoping that maybe we could get a small keepsake from all of us, especially on this occasion the 1st birthday.

Or seeing as not everyone is full agreement perhaps I should get something personal for my friend, from just me? And leave my other friends out of it? Or would that be seen as 'going behind their backs'?:eek:

Ah, I'm sure it will all come together on the day...

Its a tough one...:(

marlie2005

I would suggest you should get a card for both, maybe leaving one by your deceased friends graveside, and going out for a few drinks as you said with your other friend.

Nevyn

I would suggest that you get a rake of photos of you with your friends pictures with both twins in it and get a tasteful frame and make a collage to give to them.