peter problems

huddlejonny

32 year old irish male, hanging onto a relationship, one child, heavy drink /drug /gambler since teens,

Basically, ive turned my life around over the last couple of years, I was a demon on the drink ( its 50/50 if i turn into one these days when i do drink) which is rare. My problem is in since January ive tried to cut drink out completely but ive reverted to gambling as a cross addicting outlet, i suppose you'd call it, which i cant seem to kick as all the signs tell me im an addict. My question to the board is: am i? is there anyway out of this mess? id love to find a way where i could have the odd flutter and the old pint and enjoy it without remorse the next day.. Does anyone know if this is possible? Or as i suspect im on a very slippery slope.. Your contributations would be much appreciated,, cheers guys n gals....ps...


It doesnt bother me going through the week without drink really, only if we go out to a social occasion or stay at home for one or ten, its not that i set out to do the dog but i just cant help myself when im doing it...why ****ing me, im so pissed off that i cant even begin to accept what i know deep down, it in itself is soul destroying and of very little comfort when i try to sleep at night, im at a loss.... Im cheating myself and i know it and im powerless to stop it. the will to stop is within me, i just dont know how to utilise it or motivate myself to achieve it, i feel like a goldfish in a bowl.. Please help me, anyone..

ps.. my girlfriend is at the end of the line with the lies over gambling, which im not happy about either......

Nevyn

I would suggest that you go have a chat with your dr and that you look at attending
both AA and GA meetings while you figure this out.

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/opencontent/default.asp
http://www.gamblersanonymous.ie/

huddlejonny

have been to AA, dunno if this makes sense but it seemed to create more thoughts and questions than it did answers for me anyway.

jenga-jen

Maybe the thoughts and questions raised by AA and GA are the way of making you face up to your current situation? Would it not be worth facing up to these and working through it if they gave you more insight into how/why your facing your current problems?

+1 to Thaedydal, talk to your doctor/counsellor and look into your options, be it AA/GA or elsewhere, before it's too late to save your relationship and possibly risk getting further into the hole with regards to the drinking/gambling.

Best of luck

epgc3fyqirnbsx

I read a book called 'A million little pieces' about a young mans struggle to battle drug addiction and alcoholism
Now, it was set in a rehabilitation centre in its entirety but the centre focused on AA and he had fundamental problems with AA and its reliance on a higher power and the complete avoidance of contact with his vices

He was of the opinion that it was futile for him to avoid vices because of the society that he lived in so he went about facing his problems and abstaining.

I'm probably not explaining it that well, and all his counsellors STRONGLY advised him against the approach as AA was found to be the most effective method, but he's been clear for quite a few years now

If you have genuine reservations against AA then maybe have a read

It's called 'A Million Little Pieces' by James Frey

Edit : I am not advising avoiding AA as I am not qualified and those who are do not advise it

AvaKinder

I too would reccommend a support group of some sort. The feelings they bring up are indeed ways to make you confront and move past your issues.

Unfortunately for the majority of people with addictions, it is not possible to revert to being able to stop at one or two drinks, or the odd bet although some people can do this.

Regarding the Frey book a million little pieces, this was found to be fictional, not biographical so I would not reccommend using that as a frame work for your recovery. http://www.writesville.com/writesville/2006/01/the_pathologica.html

Slutmonkey57b

Fatima Huge Raft wrote: »

I read a book called 'A million little pieces' about a young mans struggle to battle drug addiction and alcoholism

He was of the opinion that it was futile for him to avoid vices because of the society that he lived in so he went about facing his problems and abstaining.

There's the slight problem that that whole book is a fake, and the author was raked over the coals for lying about it. His publisher, and Oprah, got away with telling the same lies about it, though. Some good descriptive writing in it, but he originally tried to sell it as a work of fiction, which is what it is.

AA is the only system in the world with anything close to proven results.

ztoical

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

AA is the only system in the world with anything close to proven results.

There is alot of discussion about the effectiveness of 12 step groups like AA. Research into AA's efficacy has led to inconsistent results and a several studies have found no significant difference between the results of AA/12 step compared to other treatments.

Nevyn

huddlejonny wrote: »

have been to AA, dunno if this makes sense but it seemed to create more thoughts and questions than it did answers for me anyway.

AA/GA is not about people handing you answers, it is about making you think and question and giving you support while you find the answers about you and your life yourself by people who have experienced similar.

LegacyUser

huddlejonny wrote: »

32 year old irish male, hanging onto a relationship, one child, heavy drink /drug /gambler since teens,

Basically, ive turned my life around over the last couple of years, I was a demon on the drink ( its 50/50 if i turn into one these days when i do drink) which is rare. My problem is in since January ive tried to cut drink out completely but ive reverted to gambling as a cross addicting outlet, i suppose you'd call it, which i cant seem to kick as all the signs tell me im an addict. My question to the board is: am i? is there anyway out of this mess? id love to find a way where i could have the odd flutter and the old pint and enjoy it without remorse the next day.. Does anyone know if this is possible? Or as i suspect im on a very slippery slope.. Your contributations would be much appreciated,, cheers guys n gals....ps...


It doesnt bother me going through the week without drink really, only if we go out to a social occasion or stay at home for one or ten, its not that i set out to do the dog but i just cant help myself when im doing it...why ****ing me, im so pissed off that i cant even begin to accept what i know deep down, it in itself is soul destroying and of very little comfort when i try to sleep at night, im at a loss.... Im cheating myself and i know it and im powerless to stop it. the will to stop is within me, i just dont know how to utilise it or motivate myself to achieve it, i feel like a goldfish in a bowl.. Please help me, anyone..

ps.. my girlfriend is at the end of the line with the lies over gambling, which im not happy about either......

I would not risk touching the concept of "moderation". I have had to give up everything because I do not trust myself. Like you, the biggest problem by far in this God-forsaken country is the social engagements and the temptation. I have had to be 'rude' and decline all of them and let my long-term partner go on her own. She didn't understand how hard it was until I finally explained the problem to her. She now knows I do need time on my own to sort my life out, although she is very worried about the outcome of this time-out.

As a result of giving up everything, for the first time in my life I'm feeling my pain, all the way through the process. I am doing things I've never done to ease (or is it embrace?) this pain: I'm going on long walks on my own; I'm planning on going on a long pilgrimage abroad on my own and just dealing with crap, sorting myself out. I am hoping for my own personal catharsis so that I can get over things and move on. I've lost a ton of weight and I hardly ever laugh. But deep down I have never been as good a friend to myself, never been proud about myself like I am now. I am, for the first time in my life, taking control of my life against all the odds and all my demons. I have made many enemies in my life, and I have hated myself. I can't believe it has taken me this long to find the strength to be strong - and I found it in myself. I feel like that guy in The Mission (played by Robert de Niro) at the moment.

You can do it too. God bless.

Victor

huddlejonny wrote: »

have been to AA, dunno if this makes sense but it seemed to create more thoughts and questions than it did answers for me anyway.

I think any process like this will have lots of questions at the start and the answers take time to solidify. I went to counselling about ten years ago after an accident and while I was able to immediately answer some questions that I or the counsellor had, where previously I didn't even know there was a question, never mind that I didn't think I knew the answer it took six months before I went back as the process scared me.

So, you don't have to come up with all the answer in the first few sessions and it might feel challenging, but that is something that needs to be overcome. Also, consider finding an activity that uses up your time and keeps you away from drink and gambling. Some cinemas do offers for unlimited films for €20 a month or do some gardening or help out in a community group or do an evening course.