help make sense of it all

LegacyUser

Well, here is my story.

Been with my otherhalf now for just over 5 years, engaged for the last two and living together for a year.

There is 2 issues I need to deal with.

The first is:
When I first met my girlfriend she was an ok weight, soon after we started dating, she lost a bit and since then has put on more than when we first met. We are getting married early next year and she is using that and some occasions this year to motivate herself into losing a few pounds. She even has joined weight watchers about six months ago.
I think it is all just a show, there is no difference in weight, if I try and ask her about how it is all going, world war 3 breaks outs and if she does open up about she says she feel ugly, etc. I have even talked to her mom about it and she has same problem talking to her about it. Its like she does not care any more - mood swings, etc.

The second issue is:
Her sister who I never met before as she was in the states has come back to Ireland full time and I am finding myself attracted to her. I still love my girlfriend, but its just her sister is what my girlfriend was when we first met.

Now a good female friend, I have known for years, tell me recently I can do better. Lost the rag with her as it none of her business.

The whole situation is wrecking my head.

I just want the girl back I fell in love with and who I still love.

shellyboo

Right, first of all: under no condition should you marry this woman until you're sure you want to be with her.

My gut says if a few lbs of extra weight is enough to put you off her totally, then marriage is definitely a bad idea.

However, you have a right to expect the partner you 'signed up for' as it were. Talk to her, tell her that the extra weight is making you less attracted to her and you want to help her lose it because it's obviously making her unhappy too.

But again - you're marrying this woman. Marriage is forever. If you can't cope with her putting on weight then what happens when she gets pregnant? What about when she gets older or less attractive? People change. Lifetime partnerships need to allow for that.

Miller Boy

I agree completely with Shelly, OP. And the first line of her post is to one you should take on board completely.

And what if she loses the weight but puts it on again over the years................?

ash23

I agree with Shelly.

However, can I also ask, is there anything she has changed lately? Her contraceptive, her job?

I was slim when I first met my ex but when I moved away from family and friends to be with him and I also went on a certain long term cntraceptive, my whole personality changed.
I became depressed and moody, went off sex, was narky and snappy. I PILED on weight and that brought my mood even furthur down. I tried weight watchers and a million other things but my heart wasn't in it as I was depressed and feeling down.


Just worth a thought.

tryandtryagain

it might be a point to consider yourself in this whole weight thing.

If you team up and get fit(er?) then you can tell her what your doing, show much fun and how simple it is, How dieting doesnt need to meaning joining a club, just a gym, and is something you can do together. You can eat the same food train together and measure up and note eachothers progress. If you leave her out to do it herself then she might not make the headway you want her to.

Secondly, you wanna do her sister?

Mate....I'm not sure anyone can comment on that other than to say, her sister or not, your attracted to another woman. You need to ask yourself more questions about your engagement than you need to ask us.