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LegacyUser

ok first off please no judging, i just want advice.
going out with my girlfriend since i was 17, 24 now. I'm a mature student but finishin this yr, shes working so not living together but were plannin on moving in together during the summer. we have never been gettin on so good and everything is great but then the other day she hadnt signed out of a social networking sight and i had a look around, y i dont know. she has given her number to a fella on there and the convo they had they were contimplating meeting but she insisted she would feel bad so dont know would she go through with it. i checked her log (not messages) and she has text him and he has text her also. before we were going out i would have been with alot more people than her but we have both only ever slept with one another. i am crazy about the girl and would do anything for her and i genuinely know she feels the same about me. what should i do with this problem? i was thinking of giving her say 1 week to do what she wants and get it out of her system and then delete this guy from all our contact info as he has been interested previously but this means admitting i checked her call logs (dont have to mention social network because i already know ur mans number) which could end in a huge fight. when we are so close to moving on i really dont want to screw it but and would prob b ok with letting her score (no sex) the guy just to get it out of her pysche. anyone please advise me what to do before i go totally insane.

Mozart1986

You're very understanding, I don't think I would be so. Whatever happens, don't let her through it back at you and ask why you looked at her site, or something like that. If you are ok with her looking around (I wouldn't be), then confront her and ask her if she wants to score/sleep with him. If she says yes, go straight to Prague and get yourself a high-classed hooker. Further, make sure to show her all of your holiday snaps.;)

Miller Boy

Hi OP. Mozart thinks you're being very understanding. I think you're deluding yourself a tad. 1. She seems to be having some kind of an emotional affair with another guy. 2. She's thinking of meeting up with him. Major alarm bells!!! My experience, both personal and shared, has been that there is nearly always more to these situations than one might innocently think. My advice would be to mention something casually to her about what you saw on her account and judge from her reaction. If she doesn't tell you as much as you know, unless you have to "drag" it out of her, then it's trouble! I've been there. Not nice.

You're thinking of leaving her off to meet him and get it out of her system. The fact that she's prepared to meet him should tell you that something might happen between them. And, judging from what you've found out, I doubt if she'd tell you, if it did. (I'm really sorry for probably not giving the reply you'd hioped for but I strongly believe what I'm saying).

Take a look at the The Women We Love thread here, started by SwimmingInIt. It mightn't make pleasant reading for you.

Having said all that, I'll be delighted for you if I'm proven wrong. Maybe you'll let us know what happens.

Best of luck.

kryogen

do you know the guy in question yourself?

are you aware of whether they have any history or not?

she hasnt met him yet in a romantic sense by the sounds of it as she said she would feel guilty if she did meet him

actually, if you are ok with letting her get off with another guy then things are not right in this relationship anyway imo

my best advice is to talk to her

if something is going to happen with this guy or any other and you can prevent yourself from moving in with her and making your relationship even more complicated and harder to break from then you need to do that

there is no point in worrying about rocking the boat if she is gonna be jumping ship anytime soon!

there doesnt seem to be too much damage done realistically yet, she may be exploring or tempted by someone else, but as long as she hasnt actually acted on these impulses the damage can be repaired

you may aswell tell her the truth, say she was left signed in and your human nature curiosity got the best of you, and that you apologise for the invasion of her privacy but it is better that you had because now ye can get whatever feelings are floating around out in the open

if she makes a huge fuss out of you looking at her stuff and cant be talked around or reasoned with then you are only postponing the inevitable by ignoring this particular issue anyway imo


she does of course have a right to be pissed off that you went through her stuff, and its important that she knows that you know it was wrong, but its not like you killed anyone and if she will use it as an excuse to end the relationship then it was doomed anyway

bottom line, you need to find out exactly where you stand and what is going on in this relationship before you commit to moving in with her and make the whole situation more serious and complicated for you both

Sephiroth_dude

I would'nt be so understanding,you need to confront her about this if it does rock the boat.

LighterGuy

Op,
RED FLAG

She is thinking of meeting up with him. The only reason why she hasnt done so far is because of her guilty feelings. But hasnt rejected the idea. Not to automatically shut it down. Trust me, as said above with Miller Boy, I too have been in this situation. Listen to miller boy he has made a few good points. As has kryogen.

I dont mean to offend you but what are you thinking that you would allow her to score him!? ... That sounds like you would just do anything to keep her. Sacrificing your self-respect. You can't do that.

She hasnt shut down the idea. She is battling with her guilt. Want some good honest advice? ... smart bet is that she will meet him. She will eventually come to the idea of meeting him. Most probably telling herself "i am only meeting him nothing else" .. to ease her guilty feelings. She hasnt shut down the idea. This man will continue to try and meet her. He doesnt care if she has a boyfriend. that much is 100% certain. But she hasnt shut down the idea. She hasnt told you.
What are you hoping for? ... that she will eventually come to the thinking that she cant do it and everything will be ok? My friend you have to react on this one. And if she does meet him, then what? tell yourself "ah live and learn" ?? This is an issue. Have some self-respect.


Confront her about this.
As kryogen said, yes she will be mad you looked. That is wrong. You will have to say sorry for that one. But look what you found?
there is no way (as i agree with millerboy) she will tell you about him. You have to nip this in the bud.

And dont let her make the whole deal about you looking be the "only issue" - she is at fault aswell. I fear that she might make your invasion of privacy an issue to cover the real issue.

If i am dating a person, they look at my phone and find out i am talking to another girl, talking about meeting. I'm the person at fault. I can make a big stink about privacy all I want. Doesnt change anything.


My friend. Sorry to be blunt. Grow some balls. Confront her. For your own self-respect you cant just let this pan out and see what happens. By confronting her on this - you might work past it. If you dont she will probably meet him. And if she doesnt? ... what happens if she is on a night out with friends, drunk and some other guy comes onto her? One thing is certain that she has something inside of her that would think about going with someone else. If this is not talked about she will most likely do something behind your back - this is why this needs to be nipped in the bud. What ever she is feeling needs to be sorted. If she breaks up with you over this, as said above, Most probably because she would want someone else. No "guilty conscience" then. Nothing to feel bad about. But by discussing it you could work past it. Its the best action forward. Please, dont just let this pan out - you will get hurt and you will loose alot of self-respect.

Self-respect weighs more.