How do i get over this? I am still in love

wurzlitzer

hi all

A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend moved out and left a letter, saying that he did not want to talk to me for a while saying that i needed to accept that the relationship was over. I
tried calling him, texting him and emailing him.

After a week we met and he told me he was not in love with me anymore, i was in complete shock, he said he had being feeling this for over a year. but he loves me as a person etc.

After this meeting i could not accept that it was true..and continued to try and get in contact.
After three weeks I finally accepted that the relationship was over, and that we may not get back together, so i mailed him to tell him so and to collect the rest of his stuff, he mailed me back saying that he is glad that i am in agreement with him, and that he wants me to be friends etc and that he will be in contact with me, by email.
This was the first positive contact we had, of course i did not reply as he had outlined in the email, that now he was starting to feel better happy etc and that he could move on, now that i was in agreement with him that the relationship is over. he also stated once again that he loved me, but was not in love with me. he also said that he knows that i am still in love with him and that i am hurting, and that it hurts to hurt.

I know now i will not be in contact with him in the near future, as I feel so hurt by the whole ordeal I know that talking would n't help. but why do i still feel down the line that there may be hope for us.

To be honest he acted the last year in a distant manner, but he told me from time to time that he loved. we had arguments, but never anything serious.

So why did he break up with me this way? why would someone put someone through this? If we got back together could i ever forgive him?

I know now that I should not have taken part in insignificant arguments. In previous relationships i never argued over small things.

another word of caution; that i did not heed, i should have stopped calling him ringing texting him earlier...it would have saved alot of pain.

He blames our charachters that we were not compatible, but we had so much in common

anyways,

I am still in love with him

Bottle_of_Smoke

wurzlitzer wrote: »

hi all

A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend moved out and left a letter, saying that he did not want to talk to me for a while saying that i needed to accept that the relationship was over. I
tried calling him, texting him and emailing him.

After a week we met and he told me he was not in love with me anymore, i was in complete shock, he said he had being feeling this for over a year. but he loves me as a person etc.

After this meeting i could not accept that it was true..and continued to try and get in contact.
After three weeks I finally accepted that the relationship was over, and that we may not get back together, so i mailed him to tell him so and to collect the rest of his stuff, he mailed me back saying that he is glad that i am in agreement with him, and that he wants me to be friends etc and that he will be in contact with me, by email.
This was the first positive contact we had, of course i did not reply as he had outlined in the email, that now he was starting to feel better happy etc and that he could move on, now that i was in agreement with him that the relationship is over. he also stated once again that he loved me, but was not in love with me. he also said that he knows that i am still in love with him and that i am hurting, and that it hurts to hurt.

I know now i will not be in contact with him in the near future, as I feel so hurt by the whole ordeal I know that talking would n't help. but why do i still feel down the line that there may be hope for us.

To be honest he acted the last year in a distant manner, but he told me from time to time that he loved. we had arguments, but never anything serious.

So why did he break up with me this way? why would someone put someone through this? If we got back together could i ever forgive him?

I know now that I should not have taken part in insignificant arguments. In previous relationships i never argued over small things.

another word of caution; that i did not heed, i should have stopped calling him ringing texting him earlier...it would have saved alot of pain.

He blames our charachters that we were not compatible, but we had so much in common

anyways,

I am still in love with him

He probably knew you would be devestated and didn't know how to break it to you. The cowardly way in which he ended it is indicative of that.

Saying your characters aren't compatible means "I'm not in love with you and don't want to be with you but I don't want to hurt you so I'm making it look like I have no choice in the matter"

You'll just have to have no contact and move on. Its going to hurt but you will get over it.

Miller Boy

Yeah, he didn't show much class in the way he broke up with you. Cowardly is putting it mildly. He certainly didn't show you much respect.

But it is time to move on. There are a lot of good guys out there.

wurzlitzer

Thanks Lads

I knew that would be the answers, but i want to be the couple that get back together, we had so many good years, and i know the last year we were having arguments........but the week before we were planning a trip in april, and he had booked the flights not me, he had pushed for us to go away, he had just bought me a present also, and the sunday before he held my hand while driving up the motorway all the way back home.........so the I am in not in love statement with you is very confusing.....

why the mix messages? why act out a charade.....is it for the drama.
And afterwards Hh would not answer his calls, i think he had read one of those survival guides on the net...and decided to follow it through.

Anyway you can not make someone fall in love with you all over again...if you love them you have to let them go...

So thanks guys...will try and move on best i can...but meanwhile i wish the pain would go away....
thank you
bye

Miller Boy

It will take time, Wurzlitzer, but the pain will go away. Take care and best of luck.

Bottle_of_Smoke

wurzlitzer wrote: »

Thanks Lads

I knew that would be the answers, but i want to be the couple that get back together, we had so many good years, and i know the last year we were having arguments........but the week before we were planning a trip in april, and he had booked the flights not me, he had pushed for us to go away, he had just bought me a present also, and the sunday before he held my hand while driving up the motorway all the way back home.........so the I am in not in love statement with you is very confusing.....

why the mix messages? why act out a charade.....is it for the drama.
And afterwards Hh would not answer his calls, i think he had read one of those survival guides on the net...and decided to follow it through.

Anyway you can not make someone fall in love with you all over again...if you love them you have to let them go...

So thanks guys...will try and move on best i can...but meanwhile i wish the pain would go away....
thank you
bye

Sorry but he's gone. A guy who doesn't know what he's doing regards breaking up will do all these things. You need to move on. I'm not being mean I've been one of these guys myself

wurzlitzer

well just thought I would update my post...as i know my ex is gone...but he is starting to really ignore me now....

last week I mailed hime to say that I had accepted it...step one

and on friday then he replies that was brilliant news, that he feels much more lighter and happy, as for the last four weeks he felt a lot pain coz he would not reply to my emails txts and calls, because he did not want to prolong the pain

as you he know broke by leaving a letter and i wanted to talk it through and see if we could work it through...


He stated in the email that maybe one day we would be friends, and that he sees me as a friend possibly in the future....but that he was 100% sure that he had not got the same feelings for me as he did even a year ago.

last night while i was out he moved the rest of his stuff out and when he was finished he txt me saying 'finished'

He also took two photos of us that were on the mantelpiece....why?

now call me old fashioned but since when does someone who you have being seeing almost 7 years...who up until recently was in love with you...do all this by txt and snail mail.

so today he mailed me about the logistics of his move lastnight and when he would be back to collect stuff that I did not want,that i should not leave them for the landlady, he was very cold.

we only had small arguments about regular stuff...there was never no big issues...but it obviously affected him..

I wish i could turn back the clock a few months and somehow prevented this

I am trying to move on but...

I love him so much and I forgive him moving out and he was my best friend...but he will not talk to me....he only sends these emails.....the last four weeks is the longest we have gone without talking....i want to work it out...

so i guess what i am trying to say is its hard to accept that the one you love just is not in love with you anymore...

okay enough of my ranting....off to dream about zombies (slow moving ones)

LegacyUser

gosh that post could be written by me. Cant understand how a guy an go from loving you to not wanting to know you. Never felt so disposable in all my life, all this time appears to have meant nothing and was lies. Its beyond difficult,i hope your doing ok x

loca

I broke up with my partner 5 months ago and its taken me until now to get used to the idea that we shouldn't be in daily contact. We have a house together so we have to remain amicable for dealing with that. He was the one who wouldnt change things. I eventually had to take a stand and consider myself number one and thats what you have to do! You need to think what would your best friend say to you if she could say anything right now without hurting your feelings? You are too close to see it for what it is.
She'd say, I know it hurts but in time it will get better. You need to stop contacting him and give him time to miss you. If he doesn't want or value you and what you have to offer him, he doesn't deserve to have you in his life. You need to take the power away from him because right now he know if he snaps his fingers you'll take him back. If he doesn't contact you, you know where you stand. If he does you need to take a step back and really consider do you want a guy who did this to you and broke your heart... will he do it again and can you take the risk? why did he do it to you if he loves you so much...
Its sad to say but sometimes these things just happen and the sooner you realise your own worth the sooner you can move on and be in total control of your life. Its made me 150% stronger and it'll make you stronger in the end too!

Its that realisation that you need to try to find! And when you do... theres a whole new world waiting for you. I hope that doesn't sound patronising but thats how i dealt with it!

xx
Best of luck

wurzlitzer

Well

Here I go again, a week has gone by...and since then, he moved out most of his stuff while I was out.
We had arranged so we would not have to see eachother. Anyways I left all the little presents over the years he had bought me on the table, coz i was going to bin them as they were just reminders of him. He took them fair enough.But he took a couple of photos of us that were on the mantlepiece, now i never expected him to take these, I was going to put them in a box, out of sight. What does this mean? is it insignificant, is he removing the memory so that i will not hurt so much?

Anyway still no mail or even a txt regarding if we are going to talk about what happened, not sure if I could face the music again.
As he said when we met face to face, a couple of weeks ago, that he loved me that he was not "in love" with me.
Is "I love you " after so many years, not the same as being in love...
If he is not in love with me anymore, there is no hope.

I totally agree that we needed to break up, and that we were in a really bad place lately, arguing too much, one part tells me it was for the best. He is a really nice guy, that life goes on.

But part of me wants to holds some hope that down the line we will reconcile. I love him so much.

I know I am not in position to get back with him now and that i am feeling a bit raw and my head is not clear and I am delusional somewhat. I feel like I am letting myself down, I am trying to keep myself busy and I have great friends you are there for me to chat to, but i still feel empty.

At the minute i can not see the two of us being friends...he has said in an email that eventually we may be friends, that he can see his life with me in it, as a friend (in the future)

Can someone fall in love again? has anyone fallen in and out of love? or is just plain love not enough.

anyway enough ranting...

i know it is going to take time,,,,just needed to vent a little...will try and keep the chin up..someday i may look back and think god that was tough.

El Diablo 101

Hi OP,

I was in a somewhat similar position to you in the recent past. And I still feel that I would love to get back in touch with my ex. But I ended it, in a pretty harsh manner too. That eats me up a little, but I accept it's over, and I forgive myself and her for things done in the past.

What you are feeling is totally normal. It is totally normal to want to reconcile, BUT you MUST realize that it will not happen, at least not in the near future. Your paths have gone separate directions, and for now at least, you must concentrate on YOU.

Exercise
Head out/ socialize with friends
Keep yourself busy
If you must think about him, think about his flaws
Do things that you will enjoy, and take care of YOURSELF.
And vent here of course

You will get over this, and venting is a very healthy way to help get over them. Should you need to PM me, do so by all means, but look after yourself.

You will get over this, I promise, but you must be strong, determined, and give it time. Sorry about the somewhat brutal honesty approach I took!

aidan24326

wurzlitzer wrote: »

After a week we met and he told me he was not in love with me anymore, i was in complete shock, he said he had being feeling this for over a year. but he loves me as a person etc.....

...he also stated once again that he loved me, but was not in love with me. he also said that he knows that i am still in love with him and that i am hurting, and that it hurts to hurt.

You know what, this stuff about 'love' and 'in love' isn't entirely the issue. There's no definition for what those terms mean anyway, and it can be different for different people. What matters is whether you're the person he wants to be with or not, and he seems to have pretty well made up his mind on that one. I do think that the way he left you and the way he handled it was pretty cold, and in the moments where your mind is tempted to stray into romantic reunion territory just keep that in mind, that if you did get back with him you'd always be left with doubts and he probably would hurt you again.

All you can do now is move on unfortunately, but just bear in mind that your relationship with him obviously wasn't quite right as you've pretty much admitted yourself, and breaking up now, as much as it hurts, if things were going wrong like that it was inevitable sooner or later. Not much consolation I know, but there really is no magic solution to these things. Only time.

Munster_Gal

jesus I could have written that myself!!!!!!!
It gets better with time! it's nearly a year since my ex broke up with me in the same way.... It really does get better with time! It took me a long time to get through it but I realise now that I'm better off without him! I still wonder why he finished things the way he did etc but I was never gonna get an answers from him so I gave up!

wurzlitzer

hi guys
yeah trying to keep myself busy, i excercise, work hard, socialising, attending an evening class, but i am still drifting back to thoughts of him.

I am trying to focus on the negative, but he was a great guy and I have a gut feeling that i will not get over this one.
I have had long term relationships before and got over them in time, but this one, well my gut tells me I will never get over it, something has changed forever in my heart and mind.
I have tried meditation, excercise as i said, joined an evening class, my friends have been unbelievable. i have had unbelievable support. Everyone is so shocked that this could of happened he did not seem like the type to do such a thing so abruptly.

But I think we had something really special, and it just vanished one evening. The last year has been the toughest year of my life, and i have had to go through alot, I thought he understood that i had been going through hell, but obviously i was not paying enough attention to our relationship because i had so much to deal with, i never noticed that he was drifting away.

But I thought we would weather the storm.

I am trying to stay positive, but today is a low day, all the positive thoughts keep turning into negative. I know my friends are there for me at the end of the phone, but i just feel so alone, always seen myself as strong as i have had a lot to contend with, always been a fighter.

But i cannot fight these feelings i have of love i have for him.
I know he hurt me deeply, but i just want him to comfort me and tell me everything is going to be okay.

he is still in contact with me by mail, today he said he would be round again to collect more stuff of his, and he hoped i was feeling okay, i have just come home to find the rest of his stuff gone, except a few things. So i am a bit upset.

I once said that i would try and not get so close that a break up would hurt, but i obviously did get close with him, I thought "ah sure this one will last the distance". I let him in, and now i feel abandoned.

do not think i could fall in love again

A part of me does not want to give up....

there is a light that never goes out...

venting again.....

LegacyUser

i know exactly how you feel wurlitzer and it's bloody hard, I found myself thinking about a person non stop for the last 3 days, even though I know it's not going to have a happy ending...I just can't help it...I'm thinking out of sight out of mind, trying to keep myself busy doing other things, but everything seems to be half @rsed, as I have my mind elsewhere.
Hopefully all this stuff passes, and we "move on" in life, but one day at a time I guess...

wurzlitzer

Thanx notsuseful

The thing is we have so much history,

All those years ago, when we were going out for about two years, he moved away for work reasons (left the country), and that was meant to be the end but we kept in touch and two years later he moved back coz he still loved me.
Now after all we went through together, he bails out coz we were having a bad time lately.
I feel he somehow wanted to bail out coz i had lost my enthuaism as i was going through a lot of pain, coping with the life situation

but should people who love you not try and help you get through the bad times, and not distance themselves? or leave coz they can not cope.

Relationships have cycles, but if we fought to be together before, why not fight for us again.

I just wish i had the energy...I am feeling drained.

I want to contact him, but I am trying to stop myself.

one day at a time...:)

MissyN

Hi OP

I know its very hard and i went through the same thing and it took me many months before I felt better. But then again I had lots of contact so the initial pain (when you feel like you're trully going crazy) seemed to drag on and on.

FWIW, i do agree with you and couples should stick together when times get tough but unfortunately some people are so so selfish and just want out to look after their own interests.

Pls feel free to PM me if you need to rant further cos I totally understand what you're going through.

wurzlitzer

Thanx MissyN

feeling a little better. ..for now

just feel like venting...and finding that posting my thoughts is helping me to cope better with the pain...

Maybe i am trying to find solutions to help to heal myself....

thanx everyone for all the advice, i am taking it all on board

one day at a time...

LegacyUser

Hi op,
My heart goes out to you, it really does. Having been burned by love before I can understand what you are going through right now. But I'm out the other side of it now and so will you in time.

Firstly, be kind to yourself right now.
Accept that you will be hurting for a while and allow yourself to grieve the relationship.
You will have good days and bad days - don't beat yourself up for having a bad day, you're allowed and its perfectly understandable.
Treat yourself to things you like doing.
Unfortunately, nursing a broken heart is a marathon, not a sprint. You will take time to heal, but heal you will!

Can I suggest the book "It's called a breakup because it's broken"
I'm not a huge fan of self help books but this one really did help me. It's humourous too, so gives you the odd laugh which I think always helps.

Take care of yourself!

wurzlitzer

Hey

well updating this post,

i took the advice of most of the posters here,,, and i need to vent again

and i am tried cutting contact with the selfish ex...who walked out on me after six years with a letter....

last week he was still in contact with me regarding stuff that needed to be collected from the apartment...that was fine we arranged a time and i said i would leave his stuff out in the hall so he can collect it while i was out
so he keeps emailing me do i want this or that....well i got sick of these emails...because they always warranted a reply...so he kept emailing me to please confirm did i want such an item (tbh this is stuff that is not worth the hassle, he can keep it).

So he txts me asking me am i ignoring him, why am i not replying to his emails, this is after five days! he ignored all my calls txts and emails for three weeks!

he says that he is worried about me...he then rang my phone.. and rang my workphone...of course i do not reply he sends a txt today asking me if i am ignoring him...that if i am ignoring him to let him know because he is worried about me....

well this is hilarious, do you think if i was ignoring him....that i would send him a txt to let hime know btw will be ignoring you in future....

well he came this evening collected the sum total of his stuff in the hall, plus he took an item that belonged to the both of us from the kitchen (he should have asked, as i have given him alot of stuff that was jointly owned to him). I am not a tight person, but he can be, so this kind of crack is not surprising.

So he writes a note saying he took the stuff plus the item and that if i want it back to let him know! to be honest i used it every day, and it pisses me off that he took it, but i would pay a 100 quid so i do not have to ask him to return it.

so he signs off in the love note (:mad:)

i hope we communicate soon!

What? After six weeks!

All I need is his keys which he did not leave behind, and he is out of my life

well he was the one who wanted to break all contact, he has got all his stuff, so what the hell is he playing at...

I still love him, but i do not want to be friends, i want to move on....and find someone who loves me unselfishly....

There has being so many positive things that have happened to me in the last two or three weeks, and he has not shared them with me....and it hurts to see a future without him...but hey....whats a girl to do...

ranting again

btw lovely weather we have been having...

Taltos

Hi Op - hope you don't mind me adding a few of my thoughts to this.

1st - F*ck him.
2nd - Change your locks tomorrow - enoughs enough - him wandering in and helping himself to whatever is around. How long does it take to pack and move his stuff out? According to him he has had a year to plan. F*ck him.
3rd - In a nice calm relaxed voice just want to suggest one easy thing - f*ck im.

What a sorry useless prat of an excuse for a man. He has had a YEAR to think about this? What the hell was he playing at. Love is not something you win and then put up on the mantle piece - it's something to work on - every single miserable friggin day. He has had and wasted a year where he should have been communicating and working with you to fix whatever was wrong for him.

What did he do instead? Wrote you a grand letter; ignored your calls / texts at a time when you were inconsolable (great compassion there) & now wanders in and helps himself to joint property without discussing it.

I know you love him - but to be honest you are well rid. You say your heart will never be the same - that you lost something - yes - it's called a dead weight. Time to take off the training wheels and now to finally be yourself and allow yourself the time to meet someone who really will love you - who will communicate with you - and who will work with you to ensure that the flame is kept fanned every single day.

Put a note in your local paper. "Thank you w*nker for freeing me. Thank you for teaching me that I must not settle. Thank you for making sure that when the right guy comes along I now am equipped to recognize him. Most of all - grow a pair and learn how to treat people with respect"

LegacyUser

wurzlitzer wrote: »

Hey


So he txts me asking me am i ignoring him, why am i not replying to his emails, this is after five days! he ignored all my calls txts and emails for three weeks!


well he came this evening collected the sum total of his stuff in the hall, plus he took an item that belonged to the both of us from the kitchen (he should have asked, as i have given him alot of stuff that was jointly owned to him). I am not a tight person, but he can be, so this kind of crack is not surprising.

So he writes a note saying he took the stuff plus the item and that if i want it back to let him know! to be honest i used it every day, and it pisses me off that he took it, but i would pay a 100 quid so i do not have to ask him to return it.

He sounds very high maintenance, and wants you to ease his guilt. Not your problem.
He's big enough to look after himself without using you as a crutch

You said in an earlier post that you felt like you'd changed and that you'll never be the same again, life will never be the same. What used to make you happy can't make you happy anymore.
Just because you've changed, it doesn't mean you'll never be happy again. You'll come to a time when other things will make you happy, and you'll look back on this relationship with fondness and reminisce on the good times (and laugh at the not so good....re stealing your kitchen appliances, that's frigging hilarious : ))

Good luck

__plec__

Hi Wurzlitzer,

Sorry to hear about the break up and all thats happened recently.

up till a few weeks ago i was seeing a girl who i was in love with. We were going out nearly a year,and up until christmas we were the perfect couple,and everyone would comment on it.It all felt right.However,after christmas she became really distant, on nights out would nearly ignore me, and then the next day apologise,and say how bad she felt about it. She even broke up with me to only to call me a few hours later,crying, and telling me what a big mistake she made,and that she loves me so much.

Eventually our proper break up came on a night out, where she disappeared for an hour, returned, looked at me and told me there was no spark, and left. So that was it, no closure, no anything, i was devestated, made no sense to me.

Anyway,the next week was one of the worst of my life,but i was telling everyone i knew the story,getting advice etc,looking for an answer, then a close friend suggested i see a fortune teller.I dismissed this.However she mentioned it again, and i was feeling so bad i decided it'd be no harm. I would not be a believer, but at the same time im pretty open minded.

I went and was told things, in detail, about my ex that made all the previous events make sense, it was bizarre.but brilliant. Also told me that it just couldnt work, i could try, we could get back together but it'd just end the same.So since then ive totally moved on, and feel really good about myself. Obviously have times i miss her, but i know i cant get back with her.

Id seriously recommend seeing one, might be some help, certainly was for me

Best of luck with all

wurzlitzer

thanks lads ye really....made me laugh

yeah kitchen appliances going walkies maybe the fortune teller can tell me if it is going to live happy ever after....and will it make friends with its new kitchen appliance family.....

would you really be bothered.....I mean really it is so ridiculous...this guy has a good permanent job! he should come with a warning....once i break your heart, i will steal your kitchen appliances, coz i am heartless tight f**k*r

so plec is there a que for the aul fortune teller, sure I would give anything a shot...is there one in dublin?:)



open minded about eveything these days

now I am off to do some yoga...

lynsalot

Hey OP,

God he really didn't show u any respect by how he broke up with you and no one deserves that. It was quite a selfish thing to do to expect you not to want explanations/time to grieve etc. It was very unfair to only respond once you'd told him to collect his stuff. Also unfair to claim it hurts to hurt. He's had his mind made up for a while. If he was honest he'd have broached the subject sooner and the break up wouldn't have been such a shock.

Bottom line OP is you needed to contact him that much to get to this stage. Don't punish yourself. There's no shame in loving someone. But you do deserve better than this. You know people break up all the time, and they can remain friends if the problems were apparent and the break up mutual but he hasn't given you a proper explanation. I think staying friends might only wound you even more. I always give this advice. When you break up be completely selfish. Don't worry about anything or anymore but yourself for a while. Focus on healing and being happy whatever that takes. See the bigger picture. Do you feel deep down you'll honestly get back together? Could u trust someone who'd do that to you? The only answer to getting over this properly and healthily is to break contact and treat yourself with the respect he should have.

wurzlitzer

So i broke contact

and i left all his stuff to collect in the hall of the apartment, and he took the kitchen appliance, but yesterday he emailed a friend 'X' and he cced me in the email

sorry if this email sounds pathethic, but i need some feedback on how to deal with this...
my gut tells me to ignore it...
my friend has told me to let him stew

Hi X,

I tried to contact you, I am really sorry to bother you with this. I am.

Listen, I can not contact Wurzlitzer by email, text or phone. Last week we were communicating normally, just about practical stuff, but normally and all of a sudden she is disappeared. If it's the case that Wurzlitzer doesn't want any contact anymore I can understand that, I will stop trying too if that is what she wants. But at the minute I am just really worried that something has happened...

I need to know that she is ok and then we can stop communicating but if you don't tell me she is ok and I can not contact her either then I will have to start calling all family and friends...

If this stopping communication without saying a word is her idea that is not the way to do things, when I didn't want to talk to her for a while I told her first and I told her why too. I don't need to know that much I just need to know she is ok. And if anything serious has happened and that is why there is no communication then I need to know too.

Please answer this email. I don't even know if you and me are still in good terms or not but that is not important right now, I am just very worried! Just tell Wurzlitzer to send me a quick text "I am ok", that will do.

Someone tells me it's all ok and I will stop trying to contact...

Y

now I am not suicidal, i was distraught when we broke up, but now after 6 weeks he sends this email to a close friend just because we have had no contact....it is almost like he thinks I have gone off the rails but all i did was stop keeping contact?

what the hell is he playing at?

I am trying to move on and he still wants to have contact?

sorry lads....if i am overanalysing and i know he sent this email in person to X but he cced me!
what kind of person acts like this?

MsHolloway

Hi op,

Here is my suggestion.. though you may want to see what others think of this idea first, as the anger I feel towards people who treat the person they claimed they loved, and break up with in such a callous way, is seeping through and may be overshadowing my senses.

Get your friend X to reply to him basically saying something of the following:

Dear __________

I'm not entirely sure why you would think something has happened to wurzlitzer, I saw her just the other day and she was in flying form. She's been incredibly busy lately, so if she hasn't been replying to your various and numerous texts, emails, phonecalls (seriously, take a hint!!) its probably because shes either too busy or just feels she has nothing left she wants/has to say to you. She's moving on now and I suggest you do the same. It's getting a bit embarrassing now....


Like I said you may want to see if others think this would be a good idea or not..

Edit: Also OP, no need to be sorry, we've all been there and know just how you feel right now! its hard not to overanalysis. He's got some serious big head on him if he honestly thinks you'd be suicidal over him!! I think he needs this sort of kick up the arse to tell him, that you're not at home crying yourself over him and you are in fact getting on quite well without him.

I think hes bucking that you're not in contact with him, and the fact that he cced the email to you says a lot!
The reason I thought your friend should email him is I really don't think you should give him the satisfaction of a reply coming from you.

LegacyUser

MsHolloway wrote: »

Dear __________

I'm not entirely sure why you would think something has happened to wurzlitzer, I saw her just the other day and she was in flying form. She's been incredibly busy lately, so if she hasn't been replying to your various and numerous texts, emails, phonecalls (seriously, take a hint!!) its probably because shes either too busy or just feels she has nothing left she wants/has to say to you. She's moving on now and I suggest you do the same. It's getting a bit embarrassing now....


Like I said you may want to see if others think this would be a good idea or not..

I think he needs this sort of kick up the arse to tell him, that you're not at home crying yourself over him and you are in fact getting on quite well without him.

I think hes bucking that you're not in contact with him, and the fact that he cced the email to you says a lot!
The reason I thought your friend should email him is I really don't think you should give him the satisfaction of a reply coming from you.

+ 1 to that.

Why would he think you're not alright if you left out stuff for him to collect? Did he think fairies left the stuff there for him?

Get your friend to send the email to say that you're fine, and thanks for his apparent concern.

I wonder what he'll do next. Send pictures of your kitchen appliance beside a copy of the day's newspaper? Bits of the kitchen appliance posted back to you with a menacing note saying 'There's more where that came from'?

OP, I know you're going through a hard time at the moment, but when you get through the bad time, you'll have some story to tell!

Take care

wurzlitzer

Hi all

Sorry for dragging up this old post, and it is a long one.

So i did not reply to the email my ex sent above, my friend did
saying: she is fine, she will contact you whenever.

But Guess what? I took plecs advice and went to see a fortune teller at the weekend, I was skeptical as hell. But I never opened my mouth and he told me things about my ex, even how he left and when it started going downhill.

He basically told me that my ex was a child that he had been ruined by his mother, and that we were complete opposites, and that he was basically all over the place, and that I was not to blame myself that I was clear cut, and that this person did not have the same values and he asked why i had put up him with this person for so long, that they were emotionally bonded to their mother, and that he was looking for a woman just like his mother and men like this are never going to have healthy relationships with women, that he wanted a fantasy.
He also told me that i had stayed in the relationship for too long, that i had known in my gut he was wrong for me.

So he also advised me not to take the crumbs that this person, may give to me , that he will try and contact me subtlely, and that I will be compromising my own happiness in the future if i tak the bait.

I never said a thing...gobsmacked, even if he was making a good guess, it made me think of how healthy the relationship was, it made sense in a weird way.

I asked when I finished, did i need couselling, he said i did n't, that I was not the one in the relatonship that had issues, even though my ex may have led me to believe that i was one with the issues...he said i was brought up in a stable family with values etc and that i was well grounded...that my ex was the one that needed help and that he loved a sense of drama....and that is why he left the way he did....out of the blue.

My ex had told me last year., that i needed help coz i was really unhappy, but after hearing from this guy that i don't i feel that i was just learning a lot, I feel a weight had been lifted, I realise that my ex's attitude and lack of respect and inappropiate behaviours ,is what caused some of the unhappiness.

I feel so happy now and see a future.

Last year one of my parents was seriously ill, yet he told me that i needed help after we had a fight, that i was depressed, as i could see no good things in my life, but my parent was ill of course i was depressed.

lastnight, went to the cinema with a friend, and we were laughing and joking in the que for tickets, when i felt someone staring at me, it was my ex, first time I have seen him in two months, he said nothing just shrugged his shoulders, i pretended not to see him, looked the other way and continued talking to my friend. He left the que.

So why did he just not leave discreetly " why did he feel he had to stare to make his prescence known, TBH he was very dark, he had obviously just come back from a sun holiday, so i would not have recognised him so he could have snuck off, but he had to stare.

i feel sort of guilty for not saying a hi, but he was the one that left the relationship, and yesterday i felt i had moved on, and i had in my head take no crumbs......so i feel bad...and i know he was so wrong for me even as a friend...so i am going to try and shrug off the guilt as best i can.

so why am I now back on boards, is this a setback again to my progress?

MsHolloway

Hi wurztlitzer,

wurzlitzer wrote: »

So i did not reply to the email my ex sent above, my friend did
saying: she is fine, she will contact you whenever.

Good to hear.

wurzlitzer wrote: »

I took plecs advice and went to see a fortune teller at the weekend, I was skeptical as hell. But I never opened my mouth and he told me things about my ex, even how he left and when it started going downhill.
So he also advised me not to take the crumbs that this person may give to me , that he will try and contact me subtlely, and that I will be compromising my own happiness in the future if i tak the bait.

Glad to hear the trip to the fortunetellers was a good experience for you, I've highlighted in bold the bits always to remember. You deserve better!
Your ex was trying to make you feel like you had issues, making you feel like you were the one who had all the problems - and thats not nice. Now everyone has problems, in some way or form, but one person trying to make the other feel like their the only one with problems just isn't right. Your parent was ill, so as you say, of course you were upset over that! Well shut of I say!

wurzlitzer wrote: »

I feel so happy now and see a future.

Thats absoluely brilliant! The light is starting to shine from behind the dark clouds.

wurzlitzer wrote: »

lastnight, went to the cinema with a friend, and we were laughing and joking in the que for tickets, when i felt someone staring at me, it was my ex, first time I have seen him in two months, he said nothing just shrugged his shoulders, i pretended not to see him, looked the other way and continued talking to my friend. He left the que.

i feel sort of guilty for not saying a hi, but he was the one that left the relationship, and yesterday i felt i had moved on, and i had in my head take no crumbs......so i feel bad...and i know he was so wrong for me even as a friend...so i am going to try and shrug off the guilt as best i can.

so why am I now back on boards, is this a setback again to my progress?

Ok, I want you to read over your last post - do you see how much progress you have made? You're starting to really see your relationship for what it was, not just the good bits but all the bad parts too. You're starting to feel happier and stronger and then the minute you see your ex you start doubting yourself again!

I understand completely - seeing your ex after the break up is really difficult and it hard not to overanalyze but let me break it down for you

• He could have said hi to you too, why should you feel it was up to you to say hi? He saw you first and just stared. So stop feeling guilty! You have nothing to feel guilty over! You didn't ask him to leave the queue, he did so of his own accord.
  
• He broke up with you, and it was a difficult break up, so if you're out with your friends trying to have fun and you're not ready to talk to him yet then thats just his tough. You take all the time you need to heal.
  
• As for him looking darker, whether he was away, or just merely taken up an obsession with sunbeds, don't let this hinder your progress.
  
• While you are moving on, its still early days so yes there will be a few bumps along the way so don't see this as a setback just merely a small bump! You're still on the road.

You're doing so well, wurzlitzer, just keep going as you are.
And remember - You deserve more than just crumbs!

LegacyUser

Sorry to interrupt but whats the details for the fortune teller? I've broken up, coping ok but I reckon I need this for a bit of closure, how much and wherE?

Taltos

wurzlitzer wrote: »

i feel sort of guilty for not saying a hi, but he was the one that left the relationship, and yesterday i felt i had moved on, and i had in my head take no crumbs......so i feel bad...and i know he was so wrong for me even as a friend...so i am going to try and shrug off the guilt as best i can.

so why am I now back on boards, is this a setback again to my progress?

Is this a setback? - Not at all.
What you are feeling is totally normal - you have been raised to emote with others and this is just you. However, look at it this way - he made sure you knew he was there (manipulated you) - he made sure you saw him shrug - again another "crumb".

At the end of the day - you don't owe him anything, but you do owe yourself a chance to be happy. You and he did not work out - in time you will learn how to deal with all these mixed emotions. Just keep in mind that he does know what buttons to push - so don't let him.

For the moment you have reacted in a perfectly normal way. He treated you like dirt and right now you need to protect yourself. Be prepared for the next text or email claiming how hurt he was (sniff sniff) and all that jazz...

Maybe you are right in a few years you can pass yourselves - but right now it is all too raw and you both need complete separation. i think you are doing wonderful - so keep it up and in no time you will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

(be strong for his emails, calls etc - fairly good bet he will try again - just keep repeating "he will not guilt trip me into his little twisted world again..")