Hooking up

kats26 · 18-02-2010 10:58am #1

I wrote yesterday on another thread that I had sent my ex bf a text saying what would he do if I went to where he lives, now we have hooked up a couple of times since splitting. Got a text back immediately saying I'd almost faint if you came up - does that mean he did want me to come up??

omahaid · 18-02-2010 11:01am

Ya, I'd say so. He'd faint with happiness is how I would interpret it. If he didn't want you to come up he would have made excuses.

ash23 · 18-02-2010 11:09am

EXboyfriend?

Not sure then. He might want you to, might not. But for gods sake, don't land on his doorstep without invitation.
If you are going to be this guys casual FB, then you need to know that doesn't mean you can show up on a whim.
It means that you call him or he calls you, you hook up and then go on your merry way.

You don't just arrive with no arrangement in place. Thats rude.

kats26 · 18-02-2010 11:10am

thats what I thought, especially as he texted me immediately, sometimes I didn't get replies for an hour or so. Texted him this morning and said wish i had gone up now and he was like what about work, told him I would have left at 7.30 and been a bit late for work but it would have been OK.

kats26 · 18-02-2010 11:12am

Ash23 - I only said what would he do if I went up, not I am on my way - waited to hear what he said before I would have gotten in the car.

Kiera · 18-02-2010 11:13am

Why do you want to hang out with your ex? He's and ex for a reason. If you want a bit of fun, why not try meeting someone new?

ash23 · 18-02-2010 11:23am

kats26 wrote: »

Ash23 - I only said what would he do if I went up, not I am on my way - waited to hear what he said before I would have gotten in the car.

Look, you've been on about 3 threads over whether or not to keep sleeping with this guy.
You need to realise that a f*ck buddy situation is VERY different from a relationship.
This guy doesn't want to be with you unless it's for sex. You should not want to be with him unless it's for sex. So rather than beating around the bush (pardon the pun) every time you contact him it should be about sex. If you text him it's because you want sex, preferably asap. If he contacts you, he wants sex, again asap.
No how was your day, chit chat, innuendo etc. Just plain old "come around and do me".

Otherwise it tends to end in disaster.

kats26 · 18-02-2010 11:38am

what can I say Ash23 sorry for bothering you - won't ask again.

ash23 · 18-02-2010 11:45am

kats26 wrote: »

what can I say Ash23 sorry for bothering you - won't ask again.

You posted asking for opinions. I answered giving mine. I don't understand the defensiveness.
I have been in FB situations which have worked and ended well (basically fizzled out) but there are rules and restrictions which need to be adhered to in order to avoid being hurt.

I'm trying to point out that you need to follow these if you just want sex from the ex. If you want more then you are setting yourself up for a fall and I'm just trying to point that out.

By posting on here you'll get a host of opinions. Welcome to the internet.

LegacyUser · 18-02-2010 11:47am

kats26 wrote: »

what can I say Ash23 sorry for bothering you - won't ask again.

hey kats - you need to take alot of advice here 'on the chin' as alot of people are very black and white! But my advice is if you have no feelings for this guy then you wouldnt be posting about it here. In other words ye wouldnt make good f***buddies. I did the f***buddy think twice and both ended in DISASTER as I knew I couldnt deal with just sex and nothing else - it made me feel cheap. I know they are not for me. Why don't you just try and forget this guy and look after you for a while. I know you might not do that because if someone told me that when I was hooking up with my ex I woiuldnt have done it as I liked been close to him. In the end I got hurt. Take Care.

Barracudaincork · 18-02-2010 11:54am

kats26 wrote: »

I'd almost faint if you came up - does that mean he did want me to come up??

Id say he didnt, in my eyes fainting is like the expression die of shock and not in a good way. If he wanted to see you, he would of said something less ambigious also, to ensure you didnt get him wrong.

6th · 18-02-2010 11:58am

Lets tone down the agression folks. No one is forced to reply to threads.

Peggypeg · 18-02-2010 12:13pm

Hey OP,

I have to agree with Ash on this one, if it's going around and around and around in your head so much so that you've posted 3 threads on the issue then you really are going to end up dreadfully hurt when it turns out that it's just sex for him. That's what being a FB is, convenient no string attached sex, which is fine if that's what you want. But i don't think that's what you want, I think you think that if you sleep with him you'll re-awaken some feelings he has for you. That really won't happen hun, I think you'll end up crying your eyes out over this guy, it's time to move on. He's made it clear he's only interested in the sex, don't make the mistake of thinking that he's different etc etc, most guys REALLY can detach emotions from sex much easier than girls (sorry if that's sexist but from what I've seen/heard it's accurate).

It's time for you to move on and look after yourself. I think if you end up being an FB to someone you love you're going to pull your own heart out.

Look after yourself.

LegacyUser · 18-02-2010 3:41pm

Hi OP,

To be honest, I think he may be a LITTLE receptive to you guys hooking up, although he would be surprised/shocked to see you turn up suddenly.

Unfortunately (and I'm not trying to be harsh here) I believe that you are looking for the response that you WANT from him. From what I can read on this post, you are clearly thinking way more into this than he is. This will end in heartbreak for you if you don't cut contact and move on.

For your own good, please move on, and cut contact.

D.I. Magnum

Hooking up

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